nice story

Can you please post more of this story! I really like it! .

Ooooooo :DDD I'm loving this! I love the idea you have here 3 And the batttle sceen was greatt! Bravoo!

It's good. The story idea, overall, can really capture's a reader's attention. However, the use of dialogues and the fast pacing can really make one stop reading. Your story is going slightly fast. If you just add dialogues and expand it a bit more, it will help keep your story at a good pace.

As for the dialogues, it would be nice if you use more dialogues in it. Your description is nice, however, it is a little too much. In the prologue, there was hardly much in there. Where as you could of use more. Even in chapter 2, where he is going to a village and question some people, you could of use some dialogues in there as well.

Your grammar is okay, however, you have a habit of using comma splice a lot. Meaning using a comma to join two independent clauses together, which you shouldn't be doing. For example in chapter two: "Ritsu hissed softly in frustration as he pulled out another arrow, he kept missing his target." You see how you have a comma in between arrow and he? Those are two independent clauses which should be separate. Few ways to fix it is, either add a semi colon in between, have a period there instead, or find a word that can combine them. For example: Ritsu hissed softly in frustration as he pulled out another arrow, which he kept missing his target." You see how I added a which in there? That's what I mean.

Anyways, overal, its good. I'll keep reading because I am curious to know who Haitani wants with Onodera. Keep up the good work. Also, try getting a beta reader. Just go to the top of the page and look for beta reader there. There they will have a category of what type of beta reader you are looking for, even a specific category for a anime. Anywho, good luck!

From some reason, it reminds me a line from a song

Wow great chapter I love it! Can't wait for more lots of love sunset xxx

wow ritsu is so gullible. it could have been a trap from takano and than he just gave important information to the enemy. XD but takano's a good guy and who wouldn't betray haitani if they had the chance?

Can you complete this story as soon as possible before the 21st. I don't care how crappy is it, all I want is to finish reading these before the 21st.

I read the story because the title reminds a beautiful song from one of my favorite movies as a kid... So the plot kinda reminds me the movie "Anastasia". Is it?

This reminds me of... Anastasia, the Romanov Princess. Trust Haitani to be the dark lord! It just suits him! Can't wait for more!

wow this is so cool. sounds like Anastasia. i love it and can't wait for more lots of love sunset xxx

nice story

I liked it :)
I like all kingdom-themed stories, really, as long as they have good grammar and an appealing storyline;
And the title reminds me so much of the cartoon movie 'Anastasia', since there's a song in it that's called Once Upon a December

hehe looks like everyone is writing about Haitani now. and Takano is his loyal knight XD oh if anly Takano could read this!