|Reviews for Once Upon A December|
| dragonfire04 2/14/13 . chapter 2
| Guest 1/17/13 . chapter 2
Can you please post more of this story! I really like it! .
| Candyland'sVirtue 12/25/12 . chapter 2
Ooooooo :DDD I'm loving this! I love the idea you have here 3 And the batttle sceen was greatt! Bravoo!
| Sumireo 12/17/12 . chapter 2
It's good. The story idea, overall, can really capture's a reader's attention. However, the use of dialogues and the fast pacing can really make one stop reading. Your story is going slightly fast. If you just add dialogues and expand it a bit more, it will help keep your story at a good pace.
As for the dialogues, it would be nice if you use more dialogues in it. Your description is nice, however, it is a little too much. In the prologue, there was hardly much in there. Where as you could of use more. Even in chapter 2, where he is going to a village and question some people, you could of use some dialogues in there as well.
Your grammar is okay, however, you have a habit of using comma splice a lot. Meaning using a comma to join two independent clauses together, which you shouldn't be doing. For example in chapter two: "Ritsu hissed softly in frustration as he pulled out another arrow, he kept missing his target." You see how you have a comma in between arrow and he? Those are two independent clauses which should be separate. Few ways to fix it is, either add a semi colon in between, have a period there instead, or find a word that can combine them. For example: Ritsu hissed softly in frustration as he pulled out another arrow, which he kept missing his target." You see how I added a which in there? That's what I mean.
Anyways, overal, its good. I'll keep reading because I am curious to know who Haitani wants with Onodera. Keep up the good work. Also, try getting a beta reader. Just go to the top of the page and look for beta reader there. There they will have a category of what type of beta reader you are looking for, even a specific category for a anime. Anywho, good luck!
| RedPurpleRose 12/15/12 . chapter 2
From some reason, it reminds me a line from a song
| sunset siren curse 12/14/12 . chapter 2
Wow great chapter I love it! Can't wait for more lots of love sunset xxx
| LockTheLastOpenDoor1 12/14/12 . chapter 2
wow ritsu is so gullible. it could have been a trap from takano and than he just gave important information to the enemy. XD but takano's a good guy and who wouldn't betray haitani if they had the chance?
| mimi-chan and aliling-chan 12/11/12 . chapter 1
Can you complete this story as soon as possible before the 21st. I don't care how crappy is it, all I want is to finish reading these before the 21st.
| RedPurpleRose 12/7/12 . chapter 1
I read the story because the title reminds a beautiful song from one of my favorite movies as a kid... So the plot kinda reminds me the movie "Anastasia". Is it?
| raiu2112 12/6/12 . chapter 1
This reminds me of... Anastasia, the Romanov Princess. Trust Haitani to be the dark lord! It just suits him! Can't wait for more!
| sunset siren curse 12/6/12 . chapter 1
wow this is so cool. sounds like Anastasia. i love it and can't wait for more lots of love sunset xxx
| hitomi65 12/6/12 . chapter 1
| anime1hinata 12/6/12 . chapter 1
I liked it :)
I like all kingdom-themed stories, really, as long as they have good grammar and an appealing storyline;
And the title reminds me so much of the cartoon movie 'Anastasia', since there's a song in it that's called Once Upon a December
| LockTheLastOpenDoor 12/6/12 . chapter 1
hehe looks like everyone is writing about Haitani now. and Takano is his loyal knight XD oh if anly Takano could read this!