|Reviews for Unfortunate Change's|
| supremekikay241 12/22/12 . chapter 2
Fuji's charm really captivate Mitsu,can't wait for next chapter
| Guest 12/21/12 . chapter 2
| Cheese Rice 12/21/12 . chapter 2
OH MY GOD
WHO DOESNT WANT A PIECE OF FUJI'S ASS D
| yukitenshixxx 12/21/12 . chapter 2
ooooh! great chapter! Can't wait to read more of it!
first: booo Sanada!
next: I already feel bad for Seichi :( But I can't help but want to see Fuji and Tezuka together!
looking forward to the next chapter!
last: You're really lucky! I have to study during the winter break :(
keep on writing!
| Reianneliese 12/21/12 . chapter 2
Yay, an update! I like how it's going, and the fact that Tezuka is feeling a little guilty that he's going to cheat on Yukimura, rather than the fact that he's just a playboy that wants to get in Fuji's pants just because he's a pretty boy. Write more, please?
Also, a little advice, just to make your story slightly easier to read, but maybe it's your style? When you type dialogue, I noticed that you have a space between the inverted comma and the first word, for example:
" It's so sunny outside." Deleting the space so that it becomes: "It's so sunny outside." Would make it easier to read.
Also, paragraphing. You have a big chunk like:
" It's so sunny outside." Sanada grumbled, rubbing the sun screen furiously into his skin. I chuckled and sat in a chair next to him, fixing my sunglasses and taking a sip of my diet coke. " It's July, of course it's hot. You don't need that much sun screen also, I'm paler then you and I put less on." " Anyone can get skin cancer." The dark-haired man said snappishly, making me glare a bit.
This is alright in terms of length, but when you have dialogue of two people, it gets a little confusing. Perhaps change it into smaller paragraphs like:
"It's so sunny outside." Sanada grumbled, rubbing the sun screen furiously into his skin.
I chuckled and sat in a chair next to him, fixing my sunglasses and taking a sip of my diet coke. "It's July, of course it's hot. You don't need that much sun screen THOUGH, I'm paler THAN you and I USE A SMALLER AMOUNT."
"Anyone can get skin cancer." The dark-haired man SNAPPED, making me glare.
Something like that, perhaps. Those in capital letters are some changes I've thought would fit better, but if it's not your style, then feel free to use your own.
Whoa. This is the longest review I've written. xD But I'm looking forward to knowing how the plot goes!
| Reianneliese 12/18/12 . chapter 1
I like the story, and the plot, as well. They are a little OOC, but you already warned us about that. There were some sentences that could have used commas in between, but otherwise the outline was good. Keep up the good work, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
| abbyjc 12/18/12 . chapter 1
oh! i love it
| syujuram 12/17/12 . chapter 1
Can't wait for your next chapter :D Feeling the spark of interest here _
| yukitenshixxx 12/13/12 . chapter 1
Ooh, I want to read more! The beginning was a bit confusing, but I do like your concept.
are you going to write how Fuji and Tezuka's relationship further formed, or just write how it will go between the three of them after Tezuka said he loved Fuji?
I'll definitly read your next chapter.
| Guest 12/9/12 . chapter 1
Very interesting! I can just see how hot Tezuka with Yukimura, and the forbidden love things...
Hope you continue more soon!
| supremekikay24 12/8/12 . chapter 1
| fujiyuki 12/7/12 . chapter 1
I would love to read more of this. Can't wait to see what happens next. Please continue.