|Reviews for Perennial|
| demee 3/21/13 . chapter 3
I love this so far! the creatures are amazing and love the scenes between Hellboy and Nuada!
| CrazyNorwegian 3/8/13 . chapter 3
Great chapter! If the movie ended differently, with Nuada joining the BPRD, this is exactly how I pictured it would be like:) You write incredibly well, and you keep everyone in character. Really looking forward to the next chapter, and I'm excited about how you will write Nuada and Violet's first meeting:)
| CrazyNorwegian 2/26/13 . chapter 2
Had to re-read the two chapters, and give another review, hoping that it will inspire you to keep writing:) I really think this story looks promising, and I enjoy that you have dedicated a whole chapter to introduce your OC. Violet seems interesting, and you have made me want to know more about her. I am also looking forward to reading how she and Nuada meet. You write really well, and I can already tell that Perennial will be among the best Nuada fic's out there:) Keep writing, you are doing an awesome job!
| LookAliveSunshine03 1/25/13 . chapter 2
This is already turning out to be a very solid OC!
| LookAliveSunshine03 1/25/13 . chapter 1
Great start, and you've captured Nuada's personality exceptionally well!
| camierose 1/5/13 . chapter 2
this seeems like it could get intreasting tho it is only in the frist few chapters so keep going :)
| Melodeia 1/4/13 . chapter 2
I like it best when OC's are somehow eased into the story (personal preference here, not telling you to change it, it's your story, but I wish to explain my reaction to this chapter, the impact it had on ME). Allow me to explain why. The OC is a new character. I know nothing about it. There's no emotional connection, no reason for me to read on, eager to find out what happens to the OC next, the way I would with a canon character. I was curious, but not on the edge on my seat, hyper alert, as I was with Nuada earlier.
That is not to say I dislike OC's (heck, I use them myself) or that I will never get to care for them. It's just that having an entire chapter centered around a woman I know nothing about and I feel no connection with at the very beginning of a story made for a rather emotionally uninvolved reading of that portion.
"The glare of the kitchen light [...] With that, Violet continued to peruse the paper." - I did not really get the point of this entire paragraph. It was a very elaborated and roundabout description of her so very beautiful and long red hair. Does it matter, is it essential to the chapter/story? I understand what you have tried to do here - drop some hints about her appearance, without stopping to describe an OC in a Sue-ish way. However, I feel you did just that. It's not as jarring as having a full paragraph in which you go on and on about her physical aspect, but it's quite out of place at this point, the way I see it. You did try to give a reason for adding it (the newspaper annoyance), but the explanation didn't stand for me, as I think you could've skipped half the description to get to that point, you could have been more concise.
"She told herself she reveled in that solitude: just her and her coffin nails, as she had so affectionately dubbed her Camel filter-less cigarettes." - How I liked this bit of realism here... Of course she'd have her own jokes about this situation. And I loved how you gave the brand of her cigarettes. The surest way to arouse and hold the reader’s attention (in my opinion) is by being specific, definite and concrete - where it matters. I feel it did, here. It has brightened up that sentence. Testament to the power of good details, is the next paragraph, when I found myself unconsciously inhaling with Violet. Imagine that, lol!
Speaking about paragraphs, I love that you vary their length. It makes for a nice literary landscape, so to speak, I don't feel intimidated by big walls of text, nor do I feel like it's poor world-building.
I once again felt you have given too many details at once, to the point it has stopped the story's progress entirely (example: you have repeated four times that she was the average working person, not well off, then added even more details to support that statement).
I could have reworded a few things in here, to get to the point. Example following. You did wonderful on showing that her financial situation was precarious (I loved that part when Violet was perusing the newspapers). I liked the "show" instead of just "tell", it fit perfectly there, but I feel the effect was ruined later on, when you used "tell" anyway. I wonder why you did so. Did you not trust people would get it? Are you not confident in your writing? I think you should, you write well (minus these repetitions/extra details - without them, I would have very little to say in the way of concrit!).
I would like to say this one thing: trust your readers. Trust them that they will continue reading even if you do not spoon-feed them every detail about a character or setting in one go and that they will remember this and that about it, put two and two together later on, and paint their own picture. I think the key is to choose just enough to whet your reader's appetite for more.
On a closing note, I am looking forward to seeing how this story unravels. Right now, I have absolutely no idea how you're going to manage to tie Nuada to Violet, but it's fun to ponder some scenarios. I do want to see if I manage to guess correctly. So please update? :D
| Killer-Bunniez 1/1/13 . chapter 2
I looooooovvvveeee this please update I can't wait to see what happens next.
| Melodeia 1/1/13 . chapter 1
Perennial. Lasting. Enduring. Recurrent. I can try to guess the themes for this story and if I couple this with the intriguing summary, it seems you are promising your readers a narrative delight. Well, I for one, am looking forward to reading more.
Your introductory paragraphs set a very dark and serious mood, philosophical and somewhat metaphorical musings soon giving way to more mundane matters. I loved how you tied these in and made the transition. It did not feel jarring.
I liked how you sort of zoomed in, bit by bit. The sky, the outside of the BPRD, the guard, then inside the building. It was almost like in a movie. Lovely written.
It might be just me, but I found myself confused about this bit - "the once-Elvish heir". In my mind, it sounded like he was once an Elf, but not anymore, instead of "he was once the heir, but no longer". If you could perhaps rephrase it, I think it would read better. Of course, it's just a suggestion.
"Even the fish that stole his sister's love" - In my opinion, Nuala loved her brother, even if she feared him and disagreed with him (I saw no signs to indicate hate in the movie). A platonic love, of course, unlike Nuada's. I wondered what you meant with this. Did Nuada truly think his sister shared his incestuous thoughts even if she'd pull away (library scene, for instance, when she pulls away from his touch)? Did he think she now hated him? Why would she start hating him now, Nuada's always been more...brutal and human-hating, or at least that's how the movie made him look. Future chapters will reveal more of this, I am sure, but right now, it made me pause, pulling me out of the world of your story and think about the matter.
If I may make another suggestion...Allow me to quote a line as an example:
"The red giant tread with his heavy boots purposefully toward the clockwork platform on which the prince stood holding his sister at bay, all the while not taking his eyes from the Elf's person."
To me, this sentence feels unnecessarily long, it drags on and on. Too many adjectives can clutter a sentence. Does every noun need an adjective? I think that if you somehow cut part of these, the lines would read easier, faster, the story would unfold at a better pace, instead of making the reader (well, me, in this case, no idea if anyone else agrees) spend time with so many tiny descriptions in nearly every phrase.
For instance, in this example, we all know how Hellboy's boots looked like in the movie. I think you could skip describing them. Or, perhaps, you could skip all non-essential details: do his boots matter in any way in this scene? They could matter if he was trying to climb something and his shoes were unfit, or something to that effect, but not in THIS case.
All throughout this initial chapter, it seemed to me you have tried to cram in a lot of explanations and details and I think you could have left some for later on. You don't have to get it all out on paper in the first chapter, to explain everything about Nuada in one go.
I think you've written a convincing dialogue, the characters' voices, lines, manner of speech sound genuine, movie-like, same for their mannerisms. And Red naming Nuada Goldilocks was absolutely hilarious!
Nuada's musings were dark, but those parts still had a somewhat light tone, despite what they were about, which is great in my book.
I'm looking forward to reading more,
Side note: I'm not sure if the work of Kristine Grow is part of the public domain and if it's safe to quote a poem of hers. As per FFN's rules, you're not allowed to insert any lyrics or poems that are not part of public domain. Quoting the rule: "Actions not allowed: Copying from a previously published work (including musical lyrics) not in the public domain." The reason I'm mentioning this is because you risk getting reported and if the admins choose to act based on the reports, you might even lose your account.
| CrazyNorwegian 12/20/12 . chapter 2
This looks promising. Strange that you haven't gotten any reviews or more followers, because your writing is very good, and you seem to have managed to capture Nuada's personality, which is something I think very few have done in fanfictions. I am looking forward to an update!