Tag!

The only drawback for me was not knowing the fandom and so not already knowing these characters. That said, you managed to paint pictures of them and their situations in my mind and-most importantly-made me experience them from their own pecular points-of-view. And you used Drabble-length scenes to do it. Bravo!

I particularly enjoyed "Fear"-such an interesting, uneasy combination of violent impulses and a desire to not indulge them. In "Sunshine," the detail about the water tank being shared gave a sense of how the family lived more clearly than a longer description would have; what a child appearing at their door, though, is confusing to me (hope they're not going to eat her). In "Lala" you managed to get in backstory about the mother's previous boyfriend and the son's desire to be (no doubt overly) protective as well as the point-of-view character's attitude to the pink-haired child. Well done!

No wording nits at all to note.

I'll see if I can do all of the stories in Chapter 1 the justice they deserve.

1: Who'd thought that Kyubey would be such a short fuse with "punks" From this first drabble I can see that while he doesn't like being dissed by people he dislikes he does care for his mother. It can be maddening to deal with annoying customers without striking them in anger, I can sympathize with that. But Kyubey's gonna learn that you don't act out like that if you want to keep your job and I think that's going to be his main problem area in this story.

2:So Madoka meets Kyubey during her panic over what to do over her lack of prep. As the son of a teacher I can safely attest to how much pressure is placed on teachers and hopefully things will start to look up for her later in this story. Her literary running into Kyubey is a nice call back to certain animes that I watched and liked.

3:Here I can see that Kyubey has issues with being nice. I feel that he believes that being kind is a sign of weakness with people other than his family and that's another area he's going to have to improve during his stay as Madoka's aid. I doubt Madoka knows it yet, but having Kyubey as her helper may do wonders for the both of them.

4: Kyubey's mom seems like a really nice people, but the stress of her life was apparent from the moment I read that sentence about her missing a shower. If the walls shake like that from a playful shout, I'd hate to think what would happen if something bad truly did happen. I imagine that Kyubey will have to really prove he's serious about his new job if he wants to get back into his mom's good graces after his blunder earlier in the story.

Overall I felt that this is a good start. Getting people to like Kyubey is a mountain in and of itself, but as long as you can balance both his good points with his bad, I think this will work out. No real errors that I can see. A nice solid opening here.

I love these little drabbles. They're short, but very funny and well-written, and they explore the character of Kyubey quite nicely. There was a real sense of disappointment in the first piece, and just enough was left to the imagination for me to guess what happened. It said a lot about Kyubey that he knows how badly he messed up, and how disappointed his mom will probably be. His interaction with the teacher in the second story was interesting, especially since he was being observed from the outside. I especially liked the description of Kyubey almost seeming "like a child". The third section is probably my favorite, esecially how shy Kyubey seemed while his new employer was so energetic. The opening was hilarious, esppecially how he was disturbed that she wasn't bothered when he bumped into her. I liked how he was called Kimono in the last section when he was at home with his mom. I hope he isn't in too much trouble for getting fired. I liked the misbehaving kitten metaphor. That was one I've never seen before.

Well, I hope you don't mind that I decided to review this one. I figured it could use more than one lonely review. Also, I am not familiar with this canon at all.

That said, slice-of-life type fics tend to be my favorite, and I liked this very much. Even though I don't know these characters, I felt you gave me a good idea as to what I was supposed to "see" here. I also like the humor. It's quite vivid, and yet subtle enough that it doesn't overwhelm.

The only thing for me personally, is that your tenses seem to waver at times. However, I didn't find that this kept me from enjoying this chapter. Keep up the good work! :D

LOL!