More please :))

This coming along really well! The only issue I have is the transition between "Hey Jareth does anything live in these waters?" and the whole part about Rahnen afterward - I was really confused and even when I went back and read it again, it was really choppy. You go from "Hey Jareth..." to Jareth being angry and it's fairly perplexing. Fabulous story overall, though! Rahnen is a pretty sneaky villain, I love it!

The introduction of Rahnen's presence was really awkward and ineffective. I had to reread several times to be sure of what was going on, and it was also almost off-hand and casual, maybe because it was "told" and not "shown". It was too important to be handled like that. Not very satisfying, especially after you spent so much time on the cutesy stuff. But I'll keep reading.

Was Jareth's present a diamond ring?

And cuddle her Jareth cuddle! Hugs make everything better! They don't fix things but they make them more bearable.

Nice story. But it's "chaise longue" (French for long chair), not chaste lounge! Which is something...very different, I would think!

Perfect chapter3

Parental love can be a dangerous thing, wonder how he pulled it off. Maybe he found a different power source? and what was with that hollow women the had chained to him?

Hey Dude, where'd you go?

Uhhhh...yes, yes she was . I simply can't wait for your next update because I'm dying to know... what happens?! Oh, and BTW, who was that person she said "rapes and kidnaps women"? I'm a little confused because that seemed to come out of nowhere...

REALLY GOOD. I can't wait for the next update!

Yes. Yes, you are Sarah ;)

Wow, this is fabulous! It's a bit choppy, especially when you jump from scene to scene without a line break or anything, but the story is wonderful! Please, carry on! I am eagerly anticipating the next update :D

ok you are forgiven for killing off Ludo and i know she is falling for him :)

This should be interesting!

Love it. Poor, poor Ludo, so sad. But nice that Jareth is caring for her...hope she catches on soon.