|Reviews for The Art of War|
| Cmdr. Gen. Marasco 5/20/13 . chapter 3
I'm liking this so far...good characterisation of both Alek and Deryn, and your OC seems pretty interseting (I'd personally love to see a lot more of her, but I'll take what I can get).
| Guest 2/2/13 . chapter 1
Poor Annette :(
Maybe the Germans have a bomb under Buckingham Palace?
| Johnsoneer 1/9/13 . chapter 5
Wonderful start. You've got the ability to keep interest, thats for sure. I absolutely love this third perspective you're introducing into the world as Annette. Keep writing and let this story develop.
Constructive Criticism, if you want it:
Your flow could use a little bit of work. Not that the sentances themselves don't match up, they just seem to be broken into microscopic paragraphs which makes it feel choppy even though it isn't. For example, in chapter 4 you break off from the previous line to say "she shivered." all on its own line. I know its supposed to have that chilling effect and to your credit it does, but it can still have that effect as one short phrase at the very end of a longer paragraph. Thats another thing I'd suggest. Group your paragraphs together to be larger and a bit more thorough. In Chapter 4 you start doing this much better so keep that going.
My biggest bit of advice is this: Slow down. Excitement is great and you have a knack for keeping the pace fast when it needs to be. But there is almost no description of anything so far past feelings. What is Alek wearing? Is it cold outside? What is Annette's hair color? What kind of lighting was in the ballroom? In the original series, Scott has Keith to do illustrations for him which take the space of pages he would originally spend describing things. You and I don't have that luxury so we have to describe a little more or else too much is left to the reader's imagination. Slow down and take the time to tell us what you're picturing in your head when you see what is happening and it will do wonders for the story.
I loved the chapter and go to leviathanwiki for the design of the Minotaur. I'm not sure myself, cause I didn't really need it for my story. OH, another note, great job with the fluffy stuff. You keep us knowing its there, but you don't bore us with endless sap. So many fanfictions fall to that. When the time comes, go nuts with the fluff, but stagger it. You seem to be doing it great.
All in all, keep up the good work.
| Middy Miles 1/5/13 . chapter 5
You're still definitely having tense issues. I'd suggest a beta reader (I'm one now!) to catch the ones that slip through. There was even an example here that changed tense within a sentence. "She *rolled* her eyes, and *mumbles* something like 'daft polite princes.'"
Good chapter, though. I'm looking forward to what happens next!
| Bramblepool 1/2/13 . chapter 5
Too lazy to log iiiiiin...
Great chapter! You did well with descriptions and I'm excited to see where this is going. Good job and please update soon!
| Bramblepool 12/29/12 . chapter 4
Really good story! Both Deryn and Alek are very in character and your OCs are pretty cool too. No grammar errors as far as I could see, and I like your writing style. Please update soonlilike!
| Middy Miles 12/28/12 . chapter 4
I really, really liked this chapter, but you seemed to phase between tenses a lot. Sometimes it's in past, other times in present tense. Figure out which one you're using and stick with it. It's a lot less confusing, and much more professional.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| Guest 12/26/12 . chapter 2
this is great! Please write more I want to know what happens next!
| Middy Miles 12/27/12 . chapter 3
Wait, what? Dalek was in town hall? *gasps*
Okay, I almost didn't click on this story, but I'm really glad I did. It's witty, well-written, and has a fresh idea to it.
So keep going, definitely!
And when will I get the candy?
| sarasponda 12/27/12 . chapter 3
This is delightful! Please write more!