|Reviews for Indulgence|
| IxNxFxIxNxIxTxE 3/10/13 . chapter 1
Well, that's not a very good constructive criticism is it? *laugh*
Characters that aren't widely used for fanfiction is often hard to write about. You did a great job introducing Kokin(for going with the plot;it's easy to understand which part of the story you're starting with), but character bios aren't very necessary and it'll be better for you to build up on your OC as the story goes.
Sometimes people drop and add personalities to their OCs according to the plot. And biographies often overwhelm the reader because it feels as if we need to pound it into our memories in order to progress further into the story.
You had some comma mistakes at the beginning, but I see a lot less later on. This is just a heads up, try experimenting using more sentence breaks and deleting run on sentences :)
Story followed and favorited, hope negative reviews doesn't bring you down too much, every writer has to start from somewhere!
| Guest 3/2/13 . chapter 1
You lied. It is exactly as bad as it sounds.
| zunga 1/22/13 . chapter 3
How long will they last, i don't want them to die off when i have it.
Nice story, but i'm a little bit confused, is Sora in the shinpaku alliance?
| 13darknessandlight 1/2/13 . chapter 1
Hey there! See? I finally reviewed! There were small grammatical errors (quotation marks especially) but so far I like the story. I'd like to see this continue.
P.S. One Ok Rock is great stuff to write to!