|Reviews for A Wish to Disappear|
| Markus Ramikin 4/24/13 . chapter 5
It took me a while to get started on this story, due to the description making me think this is just about a witch - those stories tend to be off the point, so I mostly stopped bothering with them. I'm glad I eventually did. This is interesting, creative, and well written. And the interpretation of magic mechanics seems apt.
Hope you don't mind if I just ignore your silly signalling re: positive criticism. ;)
Violet trying to make sense of Gertrud's past was touching.
I particularly enjoyed reading about Honami. I /liked/ that character, I liked the way she was crafted and presented, and felt invested in her. So the eventual tragedy worked, for me. It's a shame they couldn't reach an understanding - or at least that she wasn't able to create a truth spell, like Kyouko.
I also applaud the way Violet's evolving, though it's not exactly pleasant to read. I started out sympathising with her, and I admit that sympathy has been harshly eroding, though I can of course see in the end she is still something of a victim. I can already feel that her trajectory does end in witchdom eventually, and have fewer-than-usual worries that it will end up feeling forced or unconvincing just so you can make your book-ends meet.
Of the smaller things, I really liked things like that "carefully go through the motions of eating pocky to recover some sanity" moment. A simple listing of the most mundane actions can be powerful in the right time and place.
I like the evidence in Chapter 1 that this fic is actually thought out and planned. Notebook paper... that kind of impressed me. Not sure if I understand the flesh spiders, but the story is not over yet...
Speaking of which, it's not marked as complete - will there be more? I do encourage you to finish it.
How did Violet match names to the witches she encountered? That is unclear. Especially when later she happens to name the witch we know as Gertrud, Gertrud...
"That thought made her less upset. And it made her cry even harder." - I don't know what you were going for here, because it just looks like a plain contradiction.
I hope you do not mind if I pm you my proofreading notes - not something I'd normally bother with, especially unasked for, but this story is so good that it'd be nice to see it polished.
Again, good work.
| E-Scope5426 2/4/13 . chapter 5
Haven' t really reviewed at all, but I really love this story! It's great so far and I really like how your OC isn't perfect. There are things that still make her imperfect. Even if I don't understand the full reason for her wish.
Although she does have it much easier then most other Puella Magi, she still has hardships she must overcome. Learning how to use her powers, handling the truth of witches, leaving her family and friends to live alone. (or disappear, in better words), I love that! It makes this much more realistic!
| linkhyrule5 2/4/13 . chapter 5
While I see why this has to happen... I'm kind of dubious about the plausibility. Violet, by now, must be really, really used to running simulations on other people's minds - it's her fighting style, it's how she stays alive. Being a master of observation and manipulation means she really ought to know that most people think stalkers are creepy, even if she doesn't believe it herself. (I can't imagine she believes half the stuff she sees Witches embody, for example.)
I could see if if she wasn't cleaning her soul gem, but with a clean gem and a clear mind... well, it's certainly straining my SoD.
| Biigoh 1/22/13 . chapter 3
Huh... this is an interesting little Puella... I do hope to see more.
| Florentine Centifolia 1/7/13 . chapter 1
You know, this could have been a better read if only you stop repeating the sentences. The focus on the character backgrounds is too much its already annoying. Also, There is no sign of despair within the characters at all. I have read more narration of the characters thoughts than what should matter.
Also, Kyuubey does not run. He has no need to for theres alot of replacements.
Score would be 4/10 (below average). I hope to see you improve on the next chapter