|Reviews for The Albino Dragon|
| ComedyMaster333 3/3/13 . chapter 2
The dragon is an albino dragon, an incredibly rare and almost extinct species.
The dragon doesn't technically have a name because it was born in the wild.
| DragonValian 3/2/13 . chapter 2
Cool! What species is the dragon, and what's his/her name?
| ComedyMaster333 1/27/13 . chapter 1
I do sometimes trail off with the tenses, so I'll try to edit all of that. I'm more of a comedy writer, so my adventure FanFics usually aren't as good. I did take a lot of information about Warriors, because the series shows a good storyline, with a lot of references to human-like items compared to animal terms.
| Sparkvine 1/26/13 . chapter 1
Another DV fanfictioner; I advise you not to quit and delete all your stories as terminator did. (long story x_x)
Anyways, some things:
Dialogue: this really irked me. New speaker new paragraph. It makes your story seem longer, and easier to read than a long wall of text. Also, you don't want periods in dialogue (well, in some cases.) It's rather complicated, and I'll try to keep this short.
Chapter shortness: A lot of people will be expecting longer chapters. There isn't really anything wrong with this, but the chapters are rather pitiful and unsatisfying because not too much really happens; so is the story, atm, due to its length. That'll be remedied over time, though, as chapters are added. Work hard at adding more and more.
Tense discrepancies: "I sat and listened for any movement or vibrations on the soil." Past tense; it happened before. "I reach my claws down a hole and swipe a brown mouse out of its hole." This is a big no-no; grammar errors such as this can distract from the story, making it sound less fluid.
For the record, I usually spend a day writing a chapter, and three days revising it (trying to combine sentences, fix errors, just make it...sound better) before shooting it out. (I should probably spend another week re-revising it on fanfiction to make it perfect, but I'm lazzzzy.) I would do this with this story, too (by that, I mean revising for longer than you write); stories without grammatical errors will appease the nazis and stop readers from rereading a sentence over and over because it doesn't sound right.
That's all grammatical, though. Plot-wise, not much has really developed, so it's hard to write a good review on that. It basically just introduced the story (some familiar tropes mixed in, not at all cliche though) and gave a short beginning that's...a short beginning. It's too short for me to grow too attached. Post more, and I can definitely expand on this. All I can really do is point out grammar and writing errors. (If you really need to hear that, ask me. I'll do my best.)
now to get around to finishing that other review x_x
| Chachi96 1/22/13 . chapter 2
Nice! I can't wait to see what happens next.
| Chachi96 1/19/13 . chapter 1
Is this a one-shot? Because I would actually like to see more of this story. In my head, I'm picturing an albino rainbow dragon as the protagonist of the story, but if it's a different type of dragon, please let me know. Or maybe it's supposed to be like a mystery throughout the whole story as to what breed he is. Anyway, I didn't see anything wrong with the chapter. It's a little short, but that's totally understandable. Hoping to see an update in the near future! :)