I need to know if you were ever planning to write agan, because if you are not I wont have to check for more all the time.

To avoid repetition, I won't go into a rant about canon specifics. Anything I was going to say has already been said.

Anyway, I highly suggest you find a beta reader to go over your stories before you post them. It will help the general grammar and punctuation problems in the story. Remember, commas are your friend, not your enemy.

Also, the story itself is fairly inconsistant. Milaya begins the story looking for revenge against Beldin, but that point is pretty much cast out in favour of the Silk storyline. Has she completely forgotten her goal? If so, why? Also, if she's Beldin's niece AND Eriond's sister, would that not make Eriond Beldin's nephew? If she's angry at Beldin for abandoning her family to torture and death, why wouldn't she feel the same towards Eriond. He IS a God, after all, surely he could have done something. Unless, of course, this is actually one of the times you're following Eddings' storyline.

Apart from that, you don't necessarily need to use every character in the series. At times it appears that they just appear out of mid air just because you happen to need them for a line or two. Unless they're essential to the scene, leave them out. Have you ever been in a crowded room with everyone trying to get a word in edgewise?

Ha! Good job, Milaya. She disguised herself, adapted the dialect of the Mimbrates, and found a reasonable way to exit without Silk getting suspicious. Or maybe she didn't disguise herself. Maybe that's what she really looks like. I'm so confused.

Sigh. Lelldorin's as thick as ever, isn't he? Barak, too. You mean he didn't even notice? Why did he think everyone was slamming Silk against the wall? And Relg forgot Eriond was a god? Okay, if you say so. Just a suggestion: maybe you should put that he was forcefully reminded again that Eriond was a god, instead of forgotten. but maybe Eriond was being so quiet and inconspicious that it slipped from his mind.

And that's a new thought. The Prophecy deliberately making the Arends stupid so they can do things for the Prophecy without it seeming too strange. INteresting.

ROFLMAO! as much as i love silk, i love having the wool thrown over his eyes just as much! this is a great story! can't wait for it to be updated!

lol! One of the best fanfics I've ever read. Great! ^^

Y'know what? If we wanted accuracy and exact adherence to the originals, there wouldn't be much point to fanfiction, would there? It seems to be a good story, might need a little tightening up, and paragraphs in ch. 4 and any followups, but maybe if you added AU to the description people wouldn't be so anal-retentive and just take a good story on it's own merits. Keep going, girl, you get better only with practice.

Um... just a suggestion there, but you'd better bother with the Disclaimer otherwise you could be sued. Really. If David Eddings ever came onto this site and went to Chapter Five and didn't see a Disclaimer, you'd be in big trouble. Also, I read a original story where the plot resembled the plot of another book, and one reviewer got really affronted before they read the author's note.

And Eriond DIDN'T have to be born. He just came to be. And he didn't remember anything before that, either.

And what are these Gromlims? Some kind of Gremlin?

Okay, this is really unrealistic, really uncharacteristic, and I will refrain from calling it stupid. Eriond would never say that. Even when Torak struck Aldur and stole the Orb, Aldur only felt sorrow, and Eriond is much more gentle than Aldur.

I do have a suggestion, though. Instead of writing a fanfiction on the Eddings story, you should write an original story, with the Child Sorceress and the Orb of Roses and a character with the slyness of Silk. Then you won't have to do this and be restricted by the problems with writing fanfiction off a pretty restricted book, and having to change things and twist the people's personalities around.

Actually, the Light side can change, but the Dark side can't. Did you read the part between the confrontation where the Dark Prophecy spoke through Zandramas to Garion to try to win him over? It's definitely a major part in the book.

I also don't think you had to say what Poledra was out loud. It's kind of a delicate point.

And that part about Silk and Liselle breaking up just absolutely REEKS of people wanting Silk for themselves. I mean, please, Silk fought against his love for Liselle for a long time before he finally admitted it, and I don't think it was a light or a mistaken decision. I think it was absolutely serious. And, as he said, it's not just love. They're suited perfectly for each other, and Silk knows that. (If you want to get rid of her, do something like I'm going to do in one of my stories. I can't tell you what it is, though, without giving it away.)

And there's no country of Garvina in the Eddings world. There's also only two stones, because there's two sides, Light and Dark. The Sardion and the Orb of Aldur. No more. That seems a little farfetched to me.

This story needs a little work to be made more believable.

But, wow, I haven't had so much fun reviewing a story for months.

Sorry, but this kind of reeks of people trying to change the plot of the Mallorean. I mean, Beldin comes back, the Prophecy of Light comes back, it looks like you're going to run the tired old "Prophecy, another EVENT, another repetition, another conflict between Dark and Light" thing. The idea of Beldin having relatives is NOT a tired old repetitive thing, of course, but the rest of it sounds like it's going over it again. I'll read on and see how you're doing.

Very nice. Very nice indeed. It's always been my opinion that Silk needed a good slapping, elite ninja skills notwithstanding.

No relation to the Sapphire rose, then?

Oh, and for the love of God break up Chapter 4 into paragraphs...

Good story,but many things don't fit:

1)Milaya's a god I think: She's the sister of Eriond after all...but UL,father of the gods forbid unmaking things.So I know it's a rumor but,she shouldnt be capable of unmaking things.

2)Eriond is incapable of hatred,anger,et cetera...so unless he's effected by the dark spirit,he is unable to feel angry at Silk.That doesn't match at all.He trusts everybody.

3)I know that this kills any chance of creating suspense but the dark spirit completely perished in the end of the Malloreon.(As in The Malloreon Gospels it says "In that EVENT,one of the stones will cease to exist,and in that confontration one of the spirits will also forever vanish" or something like that) - Got from the Rivan Codex,so I'm not a "religious fanatic" or something like that :)

4)The six gods(not counting Torak) departed from this world...in spirit as well..so I don't think they can return...but that's for the writer to decide.

5)How couldn't The Dals be aware of the third stone?And there has to be a third spirit which came with the stone.(The sardion and the orb was once merged)

I'm really sorry if I have been too harsh.I'm just pointing the things which dont match out.It's a good story though.Interesting storyline.

What happened to Milaya? She can't die,I think she's a god!

I like it. It is a much better story plot than mine. Keep writing.