|Reviews for Saki Fantasy Mahjong Side Stories|
| tygerburningbright 4/8/13 . chapter 1
I am loving this pair of stories but it does appear that your schedule has slipped a tad. Please don't let these stories die they might just be the best Saki Fics in English that aren't just shipping at the very least...
| Vein's Simply Tired 2/3/13 . chapter 1
This combined with the fact that Teru would leave Saki truly breaks my heart... But I enjoy it nonetheless, thank you for making this :)
| Evil Detective 1/30/13 . chapter 1
Where is the strawberries? No pudding? :/
Or will we get both delicacy next chapter? :P
Well, I kinda pleased with the outcome, though. :D
And lol Teru can't be human, except somehow I heard Kei's voice... When saying that.
So Teru is already champion before this? It's her first battle, right?
Are you planning to make this collection of oneshots - not really related between chapters, or...?
| Anon 1/29/13 . chapter 1
So many HNGGG! moments.
This fic needs to have a label saying its 100% made of sugar.
Anyway, reading this makes me wish that Saki and Teru make up already...
and if possible have IPS demon babies. :D
| Shade of Man 1/29/13 . chapter 1
Wahaha... I come to check your other story, and here's another one! (I really should start checking this archive daily.)
Let's get the wording and grammar stuff covered first.
Some of your sentences can be a little awkward. i.e. 'The moment the referee announced the winner – all those who watched the match went in a huge uproar.' First, you don't need the dash. (That's more grammar than wording though.) Dashes are meant to mark out information not essential to the sentence. i.e. The boy-a good friend of mine-had difficulty with the test. Grammar sites often have the rules regarding punctuation, as well as examples, so you could check those out.
The wording now. 'Uproar' is not really a state of being, so people can't really go into it. It's almost a separate thing, that is created by beings. It'd be better to say it like 'a huge uproar went up from those watching'. (Does that make sense?)
'Ones who loss' should be 'ones who lost'. Past tense.
'Various fighters were crowing about the downfall of their former bitterest adversary while a select few were glaring daggers at the red head for defeating said former champion.' A comma before while is better, to prevent the risk of a run-on sentence. A good rule of thumb is, while reading, to see where you naturally pause. It's not foolproof, but until you have complete mastery over the comma, it's reliable enough.
'The muscle bound man lied on the arena floor yet to wake up.' Lie is a difficult word. Lie. Lying. Laid. Lay. Not fun to conjugate. But, to the point, lay is better than lie here. (And a comma before yet. It's a conjunction, like 'while', so when connecting two ideas, it comes with a comma.)
'She suppose that just goes to show that age isn't everything... But, after all that fanfare and convincing she has to do to be allowed to participate here. Just to have everyone be felled in a single punch felt a bit anticlimactic. This may not be a legal tournament but she was hoping for some standards.' Change 'suppose' to 'supposed', for past tense. An 'it' after 'that' and before 'just', 'had' rather than 'has' as it's past tense, you don't need the 'be' after' everyone', and 'might' instead of 'may'. Or swap 'be' for 'have been'.
Remember to try to stick to one tense for actions happening at the moment, and make verbs that refer to events in the past or potential future relative to that. If you stick with past tense for the present, so to speak, then you only need to change for verbs referring to future actions.
That being said, I enjoyed how Teru had such confidence in Saki's ability. Very 'proud sibling' of her. An excellent show of their bond before, with so few words.
'Decision made Teru jumped out of the arena into the open ceiling above.' Comma after 'made'. Otherwise, it sounds like something made Teru jump, where she made a decision to jump. Small thing, really.
Your mistakes generally fall under these things. I'm going to encourage you to try proofreading this chapter for practice. Since it's already up, you cannot take it down. Understand? *Gives you the eye, grins* Just remember for new chapters: review proper tense, punctuation rules, and apply them the first time.
Finally, where I simply look at the story and nothing more. It's an excellent piece. We see Teru's competitive spirit, strong even in the past, but also her love of her sister as equally strong... In turn, of course, we are left again wondering what in the world came between them. Both here, and in canon. Again, an excellent piece.
I look forward to your updates!
| Saki x Teru Fan 1/29/13 . chapter 1
Ummm... Just dropping a line that I really like this story. Would there be more of this? I really like how you portrayed Saki and Teru's relationship.
The Vol. VIII meant more right?