|Reviews for Beneath The Mask|
| rakscha 3/26/13 . chapter 1
Great stoty! If re-wrote the whole movie, it could be really beautiful.
| BrierGarden 3/22/13 . chapter 1
I'm madly in love with The Princess Bride just so you know.
For starters this is beautifully written. You have great detail and it paints a wonderful picture that matches that of the movie. I think instead of a knife, you should think about her being held by a gun just to let the reader know right away that it's set in modern times.
I also really like how you're writing from buttercups point of view Even the though the movie is about her we don't really get to see much of her as a person so that's a nice little change.
Maybe instead of having them walk out from behind a tree have the trio with 'car troubles' on a deserted high way in the dessert or close to the docks because of the ship. They could be holding her in a store house near the marina.
"The next time, my hand flies on its own. For where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies." - This sounds a little off. I have the dialog pretty much memorized and I think it goes
" The next time my hand flies on it's own there are penalties when a women lies." if you changed it on purpose that's cool ,but I just noticed most of the other lines are word for word correct. (which props to you for that too)
I loved the background change for Westly.
I didn't notice any glaring spelling or grammar errors.
This gave me tingles of happiness. You should consider doing the whole story start to finish
| AlanSchezar 3/1/13 . chapter 1
Okay, when I saw this, I was like, "Dayum, Princess Bride?! Awwww yiss!" Because I LOVE that movie. So awesome.
Okay, here we go!
Wow, interesting approach using first person I like it! It helps to differentiate from the source. I had a hard time at first envisioning your setting because the canon setting is so vivid in my mind, but the more I read, the clearer your modern AU became. I like the emotion in the heroine's voice and thoughts here. She comes across as intelligent, self possessed, and yet real and vulnerable without being a total damsel in distress.
[I stared out the window, over the seas of grain and time to a young girl who mercilessly teased the foster boy next door, with his stringy blond hair that refused to stay in place and who followed her everywhere. He always returned, as constant as a shadow no matter what insults I flung or the pranks I played.
And then I learned that he would do anything I asked. An apple from McCaffrey's farm thirty miles away? As you wish. The doll from the booth at the state fair? As you wish. He'd even restored my father's old, rusted '67 Mustang because I'd asked, polishing it until I could see my reflection.] I love these lines. Beautifully written. They perfectly capture the persona of the princess from the movie. The only problem I see potentially arising is reconciling this sort of well-read intelligence with a farm girl, but I may be getting ahead of myself, and of course, it can be done.
["We can't afford to make exceptions for every high school sweetheart with little to show for her supposed claim to a man's affections." He glanced pointedly at my flat stomach and smallish breasts. "Then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time."] - WOW if this little exchange was in the film, I TOTALLY missed it. Ahh, seeing things through the eyes of youth. Clearly I need to watch the movie again. I also love how you seamlessly transitioned to the context of Afghanistan and an IED explosion. Awesome.
The ending THE ENDING. AUUUUUGH SO GLAD I TAGGED YOU!
Tiki this is pure awesome, beginning to end, seriously. The only minor issue I could even find was that possible disconnect between the princess persona and this version's origins. Also, his calling her Highness, but it works if you think of it as a term of derision (kind of how Han Solo refers to Leia, although she's actually a princess, it's the same sentiment). But the effectiveness of this fic is a testament to the enduring, magnificent quality of a great story. It doesn't even matter where you set The Princess Bride, it simply remains an awesome story that transcends all place and time.
Beautifully done, Tiki, bravo!
| Fire Sage 1/30/13 . chapter 1
I really enjoyed this! Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies of all time and you did a fantastic job of staying true to the original story while putting a modern spin on it. I commend you for being able to pull off such a challenge.
Just some quick suggestions:
-'The brute had been bad enough, a large man in every sense of the word, but it was the other, the one with the Spanish accent and the wicked looking knife, that frightened me more.' needs a semicolon and word subtraction. 'The brute had been bad enough; a large man in every sense of the word. The other, the one with the Spanish accent and the wicked looking knife, had frightened me more.'
-'We sat in silence for awhile, the endless pavement before us.' should be 'We sat in silence for a while, the endless pavement before us.'
-"Now, tell me truly, when you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your politician that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?" can be edited to "Now, tell me truly, when you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your politician that same hour? Or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?" Which ads more emphasis on the questions and snarkish tone (in my opinion).
-'He didn't know me, didn't know the strings that shackled me to Humperdinck. And he didn't know that we were coming up on a patch of ice.' could instead go: 'He didn't know me. He didn't know the strings that shackled me to Humperdinck. And he didn't know that we were coming up on a patch of ice.' Gives the wording more power.
But still excitement work and do as you wish. :)
| Verran 1/30/13 . chapter 1
First up, I think this was some great writing.
I've not seen the film, so I can't comment on your AU take, but I can say that this piece is almost complete enough to stand up on its own. I say almost, because I found the male characters just a little bit confusing at the beginning; I was not quite sure who, and how many were in the room with the blindfolded Buttercup. That said, it all became much clearer by the end of the first segment. Some imagery I particularly liked - the dead man's eyes seeming warmer than those of the man in the mask.
This was a smooth read - your portrayal of the masked man as being totally powerful and dangerous was excellent, and I really did feel Buttercup's fading hope as they left the helicopters behind. Incredible that they find a connection through the farm boy, and chilling that he uses his knowledge of her love's last thoughts to insult her by suggesting she was unfaithful.
Interesting how you use the same metaphor for the masked man's eyes as you did the farm boy's, as if in a different world, in different circumstances, this man wouldn't be the cold hearted killer he'd become. The man has his demons, that is clear, even if they're not explored in this piece, but there seems to be a mutual agreement between them as they let the car skid out of control.
/...my world was set right as the car flipped over.../ what a great phrase - so poignant - as if her world was up-side-down up until that moment, and that imminent death made everything better.
A well written piece. Thanks for the read.
| ReadingBlueWolf 1/29/13 . chapter 1
Slightly jealous you did a giftfic for Angemon. Not gonna lie!
Secondly, I love this movie! I'm excited for this one!
Okay, so my thoughts on the masked man in the hood BATMAN! Dun dun dun!
So, this was brilliant and I loved it. It made me laugh out loud. It was well written and engaging. I kept wanting to know how you would make this intertwine with this century and if you would do a good job. You did a marvelous job and everything seemed as if it had originally been written for this century. I loved that you used all the lines from the movies, but tweaked them and made it a new story. That was awesome. The one thing that caught me off guard was when you said "And he didn't know that we were coming up on a patch of black ice." Did she know they were? Did she see it? I wished there was a bit more clarification in that part. Or maybe I just didn't read it right, which that could very well be.
Anyway, I thought your flow was lovely. It made this an engaging and quick read. Nothing was jarring or out of place. It was absolutely fantastic. Great job! It was excellent. Oh and your characters were spot on. I mean this more toward Buttercup because you pulled the dialogue straight. Her actions and thoughts for me were spot on. It was perfect!
| Great Angemon 1/29/13 . chapter 1
Wow. I really like that. I never thought that a modern Princess Bride fic would be that good, but... wow.
I like the way you integrated the dialogue from the movie into it, and still managed to make it new. It was very well written, and the SPaG looked wonderful(not that I can really say much, I was reading it on my iPod).
I have one question; Did they die? I know they didn't in the movie, but they weren't in a car then.