|Reviews for Antiqua Draco (Ancient Dragon)|
| Grim Slayer Reaper 5/5/13 . chapter 1
I find this story really interesting. I never read one were there was a have dragon in it. I think the story can be carried on. I would like to see how far it will get. It seems to me it will be a good story. Even though its good already.
| Ice90 4/9/13 . chapter 1
You've got potential, yet you destroy your character.
How about you retry? This time though, no overpowered Mary Sue.
Here's a hint:
People like underdog characters, ones that struggle and deal with intense situations. Characters that inspire us, connect to us and are able to develop. This however, is not the standard Tsukune. He's just a whimp. And it certainly isn't an overpowered entity either!
| Emily 4/2/13 . chapter 2
I really like it. i think your idea is brilliant. my only criticism is that the story is moving a bit fast, so i have to really concentrate to figure out whats happening. having said that, i really liked the driver in the first chapter, and Noctorn. i can't wait for the biggest bully in the school to pick on Draco, Draco flick him/her/it off, and the bully run away scared. (or at least i thats a scene i'm including in my head with this story). i really like what you have here (and i never review). thanks
And please please please write more!
| AGhostlyWriter 2/16/13 . chapter 2
I'm usually a nice reviewer. However, after what you just pulled, it is my goal to make Guesto's review sound tame. If you want to skip the massacre, scroll down to my last three paragraphs to get straight to the stuff that'll give you back some hope though I strongly recommend that you go through all of my review, you'll be a better writer for it.
I'll start off easy. Can you write properly? Apart from a few mistakes, yes you can. In fact, I would like to see you try writing something other than an OC story after your done with this pathetic piece of rubbish because I hold out hope that you actually have potential.
Now comes the obvious part. I don't care how much you bash Twilight, not even that can make up for this perversion of a story you put out. Your OC/Gary Stu/supercharged/overpowered character was capable of scaring the Bus Driver? Not likely.
So your character's name is Draco and he was named like that because he's a dragon? That would be like calling a vampire Vampyr. Let's be honest, have you ever heard of a vampire being called that? I didn't think so.
But what killed me was how blatant it was: In your own words, "he is as powerful as a god", he is "the source of evil". Does the kid have a cult dedicated to him yet or will he wait until after he graduates to get one? Oh but I forgot, the way Yukari described dragons, he may just start his cult with Tsukune and the others, right? You established he was more interesting than Tsukune? He's the freaking link between Humanity and monsters. You also established he had a strong will because he can resist Nocturn who seems every bit as Gary Stu as Draco, is your character that perfect? And icing on the cake, he can control water and fire.
Finally, your attempts at toning him down failed miserably. He's only half dragon? So he's only a demi-god instead of a full blown one. You make Chuck Norris look like a pansy.
There are other things wrong with your OC but I'll stop here. I think I've demolished this story enough.
In conclusion, lose the damn OC, it will only hurt your story. In case you're wondering why I'm so hard on you, it's because I myself was an OC writer at one point. After scrapping my story thanks to honest reviews like Guesto, I turned my writing around and started writing semi-decent stories.
I believe you can do the same thing. Keep writing, lose the OC mentality and get back in the damn game. I want to see you writing some damn good stories after this so get on it.
I'll be watching.
| BP 2/12/13 . chapter 2
Guesto can be an ass, but have to agree with he/she's review when it concerns your character. Way too powerful and this chapter really didn't help your case. Yukari pointing out that fact with her dragon statement. Added with he now has an inner being? Yet another OC that's going to take the main character reigns. Did get a good laugh with his "I'm not giving you my last name" part. What a badass and who cares if she's a teacher?
That's also the problem they mentioned. Although I personally don't mind an OC in a story as long as they aren't the only main character, overpowered Gary Stu, and the story doesn't revolve around them. I guess both counts are kind of moot at this point huh.
At least Tsukune was awake this chapter, but the impression I get off him isn't all that good.
Had a small problem with the ease of how you put yourself with the cast and their easy going attitude toward your character as well. Not exactly sure when this takes place, but with events that happened in the past they're not likely to be so opened arms with strangers like how you have them.
Kurumu with just a brief appearance seemed OOC with her bitch statement too.
| SpartanDragon300 2/13/13 . chapter 1
Mary Sues. I hate them. Don't make Mary Sues its okay for a person to be powerful. But make it where they train to that level. Alright. While he has power a weakness is important. :P
| guesto 1/30/13 . chapter 1
Great, another Potter nut. Otherwise who would use the name Draco for a name? At least it isn't an American like most of you guys use. Props for that, but sadly it's all downhill from there.
Not only are you ASAP'ing the I gotta thrust my character into the Rosario gang's inner sanctum. You have the bus driver pointing the way and BAAM they appear!
Good ole Vincent pointed out the main problem and reason the story will sink faster than the Titanic. The obvious fact that your character is a Mary Sue and well he should know. hehe
You might say I'm being overly judgmental since he just appeared, really? He's a dragon of some kind and I wouldn't be surprised if he's some mixture of dragon/human/vampire hybrid type of deal. Let's not also forget that he can summon not one, but two swords. Yeah, your character isn't a Mary Sue like I hold no dislike for OC's. Hell, the title is even named after him.
It's also obvious how you're portrayal of Tsukune is probably going to go. Not too well since he wasn't even conscious in your Mary Sue's grand entrance.
| uub 1/30/13 . chapter 1
not a bad beginning hope you have a good plot to go with your oc since he seems a bit overpowered also as a piece of advice get ready for some flames as most guys in RV fans are hard on ocs
| Vincent Arturian 1/30/13 . chapter 1
Brave venture, but you might want to lay back on your character's power level.