|Reviews for Step By Step 一歩ずつ Book One ブックワン|
| O'Mahari Amelia Oninja 3/10/13 . chapter 7
Oh yes, I know they know what the word means, but it's to add some general feeling and descriptiveness. And with the second part, yes, there are two ways to do it like you said, but if I stranded off into after life with the fish, I would run off to a totally different topic (because myself as a writer does that). But thanks anyway, I'll see what I can do to make it better, just please understand God made everyone with different writing styles. ;) thanks
| OrangeEyedPantera06 3/9/13 . chapter 3
Don't get me wrong I love the story but I think you need to take away some of the facts you put in the story like this part.
But readers must realize Susano is being one word and we would like to name it as- selfish. The clean definition is- lacking consideration for others, mainly focusing on oneself more than another. People already know what the word means there is no true reason to tell them the definition of the word.
Or even this one. As she thought about young Kokari, and who he would become, she tried her best to "honor" the delicate salmon. It was most important to make the fish (that some Japanese believed to be a person in the after-life) honored in it's life by being eaten with delicacy.
If you want to put the part where it says honoring the salmon you can but maybe you should put the part with the facts at the bottom like this. As she thought about young Kokari, and who he would become, she tried her best to "honor" the delicate salmon. It was most important to make the fish honored in it's life by being eaten with delicacy.1)
End of story
1)some Japanese believed to be a person in the after-life.
These are the only major things I would recommend changing because I think it would help make the story flow better. Just as I know that I should find away to keep my own stories in first person and not third person and continue to go back and forth without putting in the story when it does that for the reader. But again great story I love how close you keep it to the real game and it flows great other than those two problems. I love it! Please finish the story for me!
| OrangeEyedPantera06 3/9/13 . chapter 4
Susano sounds just like you with children. I should know.
| Myra the Sark 3/9/13 . chapter 7
Uh-oh. That's all I have to say. Myra
| O'Mahari Amelia Oninja 2/21/13 . chapter 4
Well, you gotta remeber this is Amaterasu's human form so yah, shes gonna write like a goddess.
With Susano's reaction the game it seemed a bit akward like he wasn't REALLY happy or sad about it. It seemed a bit akward when he just said, "kushi...your...wow...ok..."
Around those lines. I made this fanfic to go deeper into that.
Thanks for the reviews ;)
| Piklink 2/20/13 . chapter 4
Wow, from the way Amaterasu typically acts throughout the game, I never thought she could write like that! But wow, how did Susano blow up like that when he took the news so well at the end of Okamiden?
| Kazuhira Kohtoma 2/6/13 . chapter 1
I'm REALLY curious to see the first chapter!