REVIEWING FINALLY HOLY CRAP. It's been a busy couple of days! (busy as in Animal Crossing shhhh don't tell anyone hurrhurr)

Yeah, so it really was a good call skipping the Pietro sidequest...it's definitely tedious and pointless, especially considering the stuff you learn about the Mana Cannon from him is just foreshadowing anyway. Your way works just as well without consuming all kinds of time. Also, it gives the added benefit of Lloyd questioning Kratos some more! I like that people are picking up on that more than they did in the game. XD in hindsight, Kratos' suspiciousness seems blatantly obvious.

The ranch has been good so far! :D I like that Michelle went with the infiltration group, of course. It's more exciting that way. Also, I like the way you made her decide; given time to think, most people would opt out of fighting Kvar. But put on the spot, she panicked and picked the group with Kratos in it, which is completely understandable.

I really didn't see Sheena's reaction coming! I don't know, it's probably the way she was portrayed in the anime, but I always imagined she'd killed someone at least once. Your take on her is one I haven't seen before, and I like it, actually. :D

It kind of makes sense. She's a ninja so she's trained for that stuff, but we don't really know what her life was like in Mizuho; I doubt combat against anything but monsters was really necessary in Tethe'alla. And I can see her feeling obligated to take on the assassination mission - saving Tethe'alla in order to somehow make up for the Volt incident...which completely explains why Sheena makes such an awful assassin.

alsdkaklgf;hdaf I just love how you humanize the characters, it's so nice. :D

It was also cool to see Sheena take the spotlight a bit for this chapter, since when she was introduced we didn't get to see too much right away. I love seeing Michelle and Lloyd try to comfort her, and seeing how Michelle reacts to watching someone else go through the very same thing she did. Hoping for some Michelle/Sheena bonding moments in the future, oh yes! 8D

And Kratos smiled, I like it when he smiiiiles :D

So it's time to face Kvar, and everyone's scared...except probably our favorite mercenary, who is probably feeling some mix of apprehension and rage. I like that Lloyd's willing to admit his own fears, unlike a lot of cliche heroes who would just bust in to save the day with no qualms whatsoever. They really are just a bunch of scared teenagers about to walk into a room housing a cold-blooded killer, after all. Good thing they've got Kratos!

Next chapter should be interesting. Here's hoping Michelle doesn't die again. XD Looking forward to Kratos' best line! Until next time

Ooh a battles about to come up! Anticipation, lol. Loved it. Corines cute but tempermental. I first thought he wa a she- XD

I'm sooooooo sorry I haven't reviewed in awhile. Between internet problems, job hunting and general procrastination, I haven't been able to find myself here as often. Then when I am here, I can't find the right words to comment with concerning your latest masterpiece (Shocking, I know). I'll sum up the best I can.

What I like most about this story thus far is Michelle still grappling with her reluctance to kill and the need to protect herself. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait for the time, if any, for when she gets to cut lose. But for the time being, I like seeing this story exploring the deeper emotional conflicts occurring. To me, many a self-insert has been ruined by the main character making their first kill and being all "Oh my gosh, I killed someone. Oh well, time to move on." But not yours. Despite any dulusions anyone else, myself included, might have of doing better, they would all face the same conflicts and be forced to make the same choices.

So anyway, kudos to you for all you've done so far. Again , I'm sorry for essentially dropping off the face of the Earth (I promise to be good). And I look forward to reading the next part of the story. So until then uhhhhh...Peace out!

Oooh, is this the beginning of a Michelle-Sheena friendship?! I hope so! Can't wait for next chapter! Thanks for doing such a great job!

she's going to have to confront the religion thing eventually.

The only thing aside from food that's been able to drag me away from Breaking Bad today.

I really loved this chapter. The perfect mix of plot movement and character interaction, even if that character interaction was a little on the O_O side. Still, you handled it all well.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense. I'm not good at voicing my criticism. :\

YES MICHELLE AND SHEENA MUST BE BROS THIS IS A THING THAT MUST HAPPEN OMFG

wait I jsut had a thought what if Michelle at some point just made one of those stupid references like "screw the rules I have money" AND NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ME i"M SO DONE WITH MYSELF

Wow. I must say i love this. I think i read your first or second draft of this but i didnt like it. But i just saw it today and it said rewriten so i just gave it a try. And i did. Michelles quite strong and you characters down. Ill love to read more!

OH GOD. IT'S SO GOOD FUCK KRATOS BEING ALL OH GOD JUST

THIS GETS ME SO EMOTIONAL I FEEL SO BAD I JUST HAVE SO MUCH HATE FOR KVAR I CAN'T STAND IT I WANT TO DIE WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYy

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY ;_;

The same as the preacher remind me of something I said a couple times before "whenever something bad happens, humans are quick to blame God. But when something good happens we're quick to take the credit. How fair is that?"

You know Michelle could "accidentally" mentioned something about Tethe'alla in order to give credibility to her story later.

I'd have reviewed like 4 hours ago but my Twitter dinged and then Tumblr ate me.

Great chapter! Definitely wasn't expecting to go straight from Luin to the Ranch and back again all in one chapter, but it still didn't feel all that rushed or anything. The emotional center's still there, which is nice. If I had to comment on anything else, it would be how short Michelle and Sheena's conversation was.

Can't wait for more, as usual. My thing's not really coming along so well, but yours will always inspire. :)

yay another update I still don't know how you update so faaaast but oh well I'm enjoying it 8D

Of course, Michelle is feeling guilty. Interesting tidbit, adding in the female bandit - it kind of makes it a bit more personal, rather than finding nothing but strangers in the town. There was probably no alternative that could save everyone, but naturally it's kind of hard to rationalize that sort of thing when you're staring at a bunch of dead bodies and thinking about the what-ifs.

I totally picked up on the Clara thing! :D Good to see Lloyd address it pretty quickly. Kind of nice save, Michelle? I'm not sure if the excuse cut it or if Lloyd will remember that later when something else arouses his suspicions.

And Lloyd calling Michelle a good person...agh, it's so sad because he's right, she is a good person and she's doing the best she can with what she's got, but she just can't see it. It makes me happy that he's got some respect for her and he sees the effort she puts in, though. :D MICHELLE HAS GAINED SOME FRIENDSHIP POOOOINTS

I also like that you had Lloyd call Kratos out on his suspicious amounts of knowledge, even if he arrived at a completely wrong conclusion. Upon overanalyzing the game for fanfiction purposes (XD), I've noticed a few plot points that could've been used, and that's one of them. Other than the occasional skit that has no real effect on the plot, nobody really says much about Kratos.

Oh, and the part where Genis notes that the Desians are real people! I'm sure he's more susceptible to that train of thought just because he's not biased due to racism, but still. I love it because I can smell the moral dilemmas that come with killing "real people" as opposed to faceless goons, and MORAL DILEMMAS SMELL DELICIOUS and no I'm definitely not crazy. It was also a good place to show that Lloyd still just doesn't get it, and he's still got some character development to go through before he does.

Sheena's heeeere! No serious bonding or anything in this chapter, but I did like getting to see her join. It was pretty realistic to note that Michelle really doesn't care one way or the other at this point - I'd have trouble befriending someone like that too right off the bat. After all, the Sheena from the game would seem a lot more like a fictional caricature after meeting and fighting with the real deal. But I'm sure once the initial tension and awkwardness fades they'll get along famously because Sheena is awesome :D

Finally, the Desian ranch. I noticed your efforts to switch up the dialogue, good job. B-) I know it's hard to change things too much without messing up certain plot points, but you did pretty well. I particularly loved your descriptions of Kratos' reaction - you didn't just tell us how pissed he was, you SHOOOOWED us and it was glorious and kind of scary hurrhurr 8D

So there goes our first glimpse of the Asgard ranch and its awfulness...now to get the Desian Orb from Pietro and then make a triumphant return! Here comes the parts of the plot I'm painfully familiar with. XD It's definitely going to be fun to see how our different interpretations of the story compare. I hope you enjoy Asgard Ranch Take Two more than I did, because DEAR GOD THAT WAS LIKE FOUR CHAPTERS OF HELL. Just kill Kvar and blow the place up and run ;_; (except in hindsight I regret killing him, damn you missed opportunities)

Oh well, Hima first! XD I'll be waiting patiently for the next chapter, then!

Okay, I can finally review this!

Hmm, I really liked that little scene with Genis. Jellybeans must be their special little thing now x3

The Iapyx fight was just fine, it didn’t seem too hasty at all. Speaking of which, the fight with Sheena was great! Even though Michelle might be iffy about having had to use Sheena's weakness to their advantage, I call it good thinking. I can't wait till Sheena joins to see how the two of them will get along, though Michelle might probably guilt trip herself about the Lightning thing at first. X'D

Also, the way she's struggling to comprehend Lloyd's selflessness- good job with that. Not everyone can actually be willing to set aside all their problems for the sake of others. I mean, self-preservation is sort of a natural instinct for every normal person. Though with Lloyd...I suppose selflessness comes with the package of being the main character! ;D And the fact that Joseph is pretty much on the same boat as Michelle...I guess even Mr. Voice has his problems. :o

Just one more seal to gooooo, we’re getting closer to the dreaded Tower scene. Eeep, and Kratos’s betrayal. I wonder how that’s going to go down. Though I can't wait for Tethe'alla and, more particularly, ZELOS! (Mainly because I’m wondering how Michelle is going to act around him lol)

This review was probably all over the place, sorry about that! X’DD Overall, great chapter. I'm pretty anxious to know what happens next, but I think I’ll keep the next chapter for tomorrow. :3

So it's late, and I'm like, 'I should go to bed, i have work in the morning' and what pops into my gmail? An alert. For this story. It's late and I should be in bed, but there was no way i'd be able to sleep knowing that alert was sitting in my inbox.

So...review...It was good as always. :D I think i've played the game WAY too much because I noticed the differences in the dialog. XD I have to admit, I kinda hoped you'd add in that lil talk between kratos and lloyd by the fire that you get if you click...what is it...'i need to think' or something like that. Nice father and son moment. XD

Rosalia

I didn't see very many errors this chapter, but that might be because it's late at night. (Though it could just be my sleepyheadedness)

"Ah, yeah, your sword's a bit more lightweight than yours-"
-That 'yours' was most likely meant to be 'mine', me thinks.

I kinda wish you'd left the old story up haha, I catch bits and pieces that seem totally new to me, but most of it feels familiar. I guess that comes with being a rewrite.

Still, it'd be nice to compare the stories side by side to see the differences. Maybe after you're done writing you could post an omake comparing the 2 versions of a particular scene, though they've already diverged so much.

It's kinda cool though, seeing how you've changed from what I remember to this.

Good luck with continuing this fic, and sorry if it sounded a bit like I was rambling in this silly little review, it's a bit late at night for being coherent.