Okay, I definitely liked this. It was interesting and the plot was unique. For your first DBZ story, you honestly didn't do bad; however, there are a couple things I'd like to point out so you could improve and become an even better writer.

First, there were a couple of grammar mistakes, and a couple of places were comma's should have been. Second, Eighteen was slightly out of character, but it wasn't anything critical and it's pretty obvious you tried, which is a good thing. Third, it did seem as if you moved a little too fast, and this honestly could have been more then a oneshot...like maybe a short story simply because this oneshot definitely has the potential to be a short story. And last but not least, Krillin's girlfriend only has one 'r' in her name (Maron).

Like I said before, I definitely liked this and it wasn't bad. You did well, and I look forward to reading more of your DBZ stories. :)

That was sweet! But Krillin's girlfriend Maron only has one 'r' in her name.