I love this story, but it freaks me out so badly. Hmm..

Have I -told- you how much I love you recently? I know I should have read this story forever ago, but I simply haven't time to do anything, as well proven by not being able to come to the get-together. Anyways, I adore this story SO MUCH. It is BOLD. I love you!

Excellent work I must admit. (",) Tremendous amount of research and knowledge was vividly protrayed and that made the story more grasping(?) anyhow I like it very much but I must say something about that horsie bit. hehehe

Yuki Akabara

Lessee... one of your top points is description. I can even put up with your calling people by their hair and eye color, a personal pet peeve of mine, so kudos. I understand completely the sort of... well, like a sugar crash? The party down, and everything that is supposed to be cheerful looking fake and dreary... a nice introduction to the mood of the carnival and the piece. You have some wonderful metaphors, eaten by a cat and coughed up like a hairball is probably my fave. I'm not going to pick at the technology in the fantasy world, because it's all low-tech and doesn't stand out despite being elements from a more modern rather than medieval fair. I like the gates closing despite the impossibility, although it's hard to describe that without the wording getting in the way. At first, the way you did the transitions from scene to scene was annoying, but I must admit it was clever. Perhaps if you'd ended it on the phrase, then given us a few spaces, then repeated the phrase, it would be clever AND clear? It also explains the omnipotent POV you've got here, which confused me a bit in the beginning. You did a good job not making the oft-mentioned "his heart beat fast, his breath was quick" repetitive. I think Chocolat got a wonderful scare, Gateau got the 2nd best, Carrot's irked me for some reason and the others are left out of it. I would've enjoyed all of them more if they were taken further--I see this as a horror story written by someone who doesn't like the genre. An intellectual exercise in horror, without feeling it. Even read at midnight (in my haunted basement, heh) I only thought it was creepy, not scary. Which I hate to say, because it's obvious you puta lot of effort into it--I just felt all this potential there if it had been pushed more, gone beyond the expected. Because I was so hopeful, I ended up disappointed. The ending, especially, lacks the OOMPHFF that I associate with horror, which tends to end on the kicking point (dear gods, he's in the house right now!) Oh, and the GateauxMarron thing was really, really obvious, no need to point it out. *laughs* Random stuff... at first I was reminded of the Evil Man Named Joe ep from Slayers Next and then I was thinking of Peirrot le Rou from Cowboy Bebop. I'm also reminded of Hot Stuff (BH fanfic) where everyone's tripping out.

Lessee... one of your top points is description. I can even put up with your calling people by their hair and eye color, a personal pet peeve of mine, so kudos. I understand completely the sort of... well, like a sugar crash? The party down, and everything that is supposed to be cheerful looking fake and dreary... a nice introduction to the mood of the carnival and the piece. You have some wonderful metaphors, eaten by a cat and coughed up like a hairball is probably my fave. I'm not going to pick at the technology in the fantasy world, because it's all low-tech and doesn't stand out despite being elements from a more modern rather than medieval fair. I like the gates closing despite the impossibility, although it's hard to describe that without the wording getting in the way. At first, the way you did the transitions from scene to scene was annoying, but I must admit it was clever. Perhaps if you'd ended it on the phrase, then given us a few spaces, then repeated the phrase, it would be clever AND clear? It also explains the omnipotent POV you've got here, which confused me a bit in the beginning. You did a good job not making the oft-mentioned "his heart beat fast, his breath was quick" repetitive. I think Chocolat got a wonderful scare, Gateau got the 2nd best, Carrot's irked me for some reason and the others are left out of it. I would've enjoyed all of them more if they were taken further--I see this as a horror story written by someone who doesn't like the genre. An intellectual exercise in horror, without feeling it. Even read at midnight (in my haunted basement, heh) I only thought it was creepy, not scary. Which I hate to say, because it's obvious you puta lot of effort into it--I just felt all this potential there if it had been pushed more, gone beyond the expected. Because I was so hopeful, I ended up disappointed. The ending, especially, lacks the OOMPHFF that I associate with horror, which tends to end on the kicking point (dear gods, he's in the house right now!) Oh, and the GateauxMarron thing was really, really obvious, no need to point it out. *laughs* Random stuff... at first I was reminded of the Evil Man Named Joe ep from Slayers Next and then I was thinking of Peirrot le Rou from Cowboy Bebop. I'm also reminded of Hot Stuff (BH fanfic) where everyone's tripping out.

Very very creepy. And weird, and odd, and actually quite cool. I like how you kept them all in character (Gateau with the mirrors was especially amusing), and how you switched from one POV to another. I thought that was an excellent technique. All in all, good job!

Wow... are you gonna continue? I really like! ^_^ This was strange... I like the Carrot parts! ^_^ They were veeeeeeeeeeery kewlio!!!! ^_^

Wow. I've been anticipating this one for a while, and I have to say, I'm certainly not disappointed.
I think the descriptive detail was great, as usual. The contrast - bright and then depressing - was a study in juxtaposition worthy of everyone's favorite dancing Civ teacher. (::Snerk.::)
Very creepy, indeed. It could have been longer, and more involved, but, then again, it's great the way it is. Thanks for giving Milphey such an interesting little supporting role! (Yay. I love all things Milphey...) Way to go for not stressing the "and then they woke up" part too much... The "it was all a dream" thing is really overdone, but this is a tasteful mix of... Well just about everything. Congrats!

One word: Ka-reepy. That was a very cool fic, though I'm not sure it should be read at ten-thirty at night when it's black as pitch. That was scary. I liked the way each person had to deal with their own fears, kinda. At first I didn't get the part about the scarecrow, and all the dolls, but after reading everything I did. Very nicely done. Bravo.