Your story is good so far but needs improvements, you need to space out character-speaking lines.

Example, you wrote:

"What's the matter, Kitty? Did Dudley hurt you? He hurts me all the time. You can sleep here with me if you want. I'll get beat for it in the morning but it's otay," said Harry as he held the McGonagall. Dumbledore then showed himself, "It's not okay Harry. They have no right to beat you." "Who are you?" "My name is Professor Dumbledore and the cat which you are holding is Professor McGonagall. We come from far away to check on you. We put you with the Dursleys after your parents died." "But why?" "Because they are the only family you have left. We had no idea that they would mistreat you like this." "You said the cat is a Pro, Profest." "Professor?" "Yea, but how it's just a kitty?" "Bring the cat outside the cupboard and watch." Harry did as he was told and Minerva transformed back into human form. "Wow" "Harry," Professor McGonagall said, "Do you want to stay here." "No" "Then come with us," Professor Dumbledore said. Dumbledore quickly wrote a letter to the Dursleys explaining everything. "Come along, Harry." "Where are we going?" "To Hogwarts."

As you can see, they're bunched up together.

It should be:

"What's the matter, Kitty? Did Dudley hurt you? He hurts me all the time. You can sleep here with me if you want. I'll get beat for it in the morning but it's okay," said Harry as he held the McGonagall.

Dumbledore then showed himself, "It's not okay Harry. They have no right to beat you."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Professor Dumbledore and the cat which you are holding is Professor McGonagall. We come from far away to check on you. We put you with the Dursleys after your parents died."

"But why?"

"Because they are the only family you have left. We had no idea that they would mistreat you like this."

"You said the cat is a Pro, Profest."

"Professor?"

"Yea, but how it's just a kitty?"

"Bring the cat outside the cupboard and watch."

Harry did as he was told and Minerva transformed back into human form.

"Wow!"

"Harry," Professor McGonagall said, "Do you want to stay here."

"No"

"Then come with us," Professor Dumbledore said. Dumbledore quickly wrote a letter to the Dursleys explaining everything. "Come along, Harry."

"Where are we going?"

"To Hogwarts."

As you can see, spacing it out makes it easier to read.

Hey!
As a few others mentioned: The chapters are far too short. If you wanted it the way it is, you could have just put it into an one-shot. At least that would have made sense.
The general idea is a good one, but you didn't have the patience to go through with it. I mean, normally, when reading a story, you understand out of the contains of the story that Minerva acts like a mother and Snape like a father. You took the easy way out by stating it, without development. If you want to better your writing, that's probably something you should work on.
Nevertheless, I kind of liked it.
So thanks,
ai

The way you have this written it comes out choppy. If you are going to have chapters be that short it might as well be a one-shot.

okay. disapointing ending,no offence, but over all pretty good. I wanted a harrysnape one. I cant see any of those ever.
I have to search really deep

anway's thank you for the story

xpinkx

Chapter four: They no longer have many milkmen but they do have some. Where my grandperants live they have a milkman.

It's a pitty that it isn't any longer because it's such a great story. I really liked it.

Great fic - short to the point and by leaving it so open great for a follow up some time!

Good short story. At least you didn't abandoned it, like some.

i got all exited about the plot when i read the summary but how it's written is awful.

The hapters are far too short.
They seem hurried and un-planned.
You grammar and sentence structuring needs work.
Your story is also fast paced and almost unbelievable.

Perhaps getting a beta?

Your story has potential and is a good idea, you just need to work out the plot holes.

Hello wonderful author! :)

This is just to let you know that your story is listed in my website "Potions and Snitches", a fanfiction site dedicated to the mentor relationships between Harry Potter and Severus Snape. Please let me know if you want me to take it down, update your info, talk about chocolate frogs, or have any questions. A link to the website is in my profile.

Thank you for your story! :)

Jan

Yeah! I like the ending, and though I'm a little unhappy with the length of it, it made sense. At least you didn't abandon it. It was an excellent story that could've grown into a novel-length fanfic...I'm glad you came back to finish it!

this is great

Will you UPDATE ALREADY?!

Great plot. Needs: Longer chapters, spell check, capatalization check, more chapters, another update, more story...get the jist? I love little Harry's dialogue! Keep up the good work!

great