This story can be improved by the addition of the rest of the story. Update it please.It's very good.

You shouldn't have let this story die as it is undoubtable good. Great descriptions of the battles in the simulations and the game that you made up (at least I think you created the game). You also do well with characterization, showing Asuka's need to win and failure to acknowlage she's lost and Shinji's need to avoid conflict and failure to recognize that he can/has won.

You should definately continue this.

I saw this fic on the favorite stories page of another writer here and noticed the "know your veritechs" part which yanked me over. 'Course, having read the one chapter that I knew had the VFs in it, I'm left wondering what the frig is the VF-16? The Macross Compendium has no link for information on it's page. >_>

And I liked the chapter I read enough to backtrack to get the ones I skipped. ^-^

Oh, did you mean "specifications of the newer ones" instead of speculations? Trying to figure out what that meant threw me a bit.

The blandest brand of mental masturbation from an amateur master-of-bad-writing. Wordy, awkward phrasings abound, along with attempts to be thought provoking through statement of obvious things and use of boringly worthless or regurgitated themes. Description is boring and generally worthless. Flow's steady, but that isn't saying much for a thick narrative that's totally ineffective in the first place. Overly deliberate; mindlessly wordy; fails to engage on any essential level. Crap.

A very nice fic, I hope to see the next chapter soon.

What to say? Liked your story very much.Vaiting for next chapter.
That pretty much sum it up.

What to say? Liked your story very much.Vaiting for next chapter.
That pretty much sum it up.

What to say? Liked your story very much.Vaiting for next chapter.
That pretty much sum it up.

Incredible.

While I must admit that this story easily makes it onto my Favorite Stories list, I don't think it's entirely IC, and if that is what you were intending, then we disagree on what the EVA characters are like. Of course, it's also entirely possible that you MEANT these characters to be OOC, in which case you suceeded in exaggerating certain traits while still keeping them believable.

I think the most blatant example of this is Rei, something I have already pointed out to Xanatose. She is supposed to be emotionless, agreed, but here she seems to be talking like she's pulled out of the Borg collective or something. "I have no desire to enroll in any extra-curricular activities this year," "Do you still require assistance with your trigonometry homework?" or "If my presence is no longer required..." She sounds esoteric, and as Xanatose put it, "wordy." On the plus side, I really did think her emotional involvement during the arcade in chapter 4 was good character development, and sort of delved deeper into her developing emotions. :) My applause on that!

Touji was the first one I noticed, too. In the beginning, it seems you're trying to establish the connection between him and Shinji as something more than is seen in the series--he is actually trying to give advice. He has evidently matured in personality, and that is a good thing considering a few years have passed since we last see him in the show. However, it seems that his vocabulary and speaking style have been dumbed down over the years. "I think me and da Shin-man's gonna go walk around some, cool?" Maybe he's portrayed like this in the dub, I have never seen the engish version, but in the original, he does not talk like he just came out of the 'hood. Although I must admit that sage advice in a language that would make Eminem proud is quite amusing. :P

Then, like someone said, there's Asuka, who you simply cannot HELP but hate. It seems that you've taken her most dominant trait, her bitchiness, and amplified it by a thousand. I think Touji puts it best: "Not just a '**' **, but a 'B-I-T-C-H' **... Capital '**', even." I think that line proves that this is indeed what you were trying to do for her character. In the anime, she's a **, sure, but underneath it all, you get a sense that she's only doing it as a way to protect herself. In "Truth," she's a ** because she loves to be one! She's also gotten suspicious to the point of paranoia (she's afraid to touch her own clothes for fear of what Shinji's been doing to them), and she feels genuine, deep down hatred for him. Again, I think this is what you meant for her, so I'm not going to complain. Things like her not remembering what happened correctly gives me the idea that she's actually a bit screwed up and really believes she's better than everyone else this time around, whereas before, it was just a facade to get attention.

So, basically, you seem to have taken one of the dominant traits of each character (Rei's introversion, Touji's brashness/immaturity combined with his genuine compassion, and Asuka's, well... bitchiness) and inflated them, I think deliberatly. Either way, I am not going to say that this was an IC fic. Not really. It just may seem that way because, unlike other OOC fics, the character's haven't had their personalities turned in reverse, but rather had them exaggerated greatly, while still keeping them believable and likable (except for Asuka). Overall, I loved this fic, and look forward to the rest, where we might also get some explanations! ^_^

Avarice, where have you been man? I thought you were lost in the eva fan-fic community. It's nice to see your still writing.

Question though: Why'd you take off Asuka's Smile? It was a great fic. You probably get asked this a lot though. But since your re-writing it, its ok.

This chapter was good. Still got Asuka in character, but its getting a little weird. When are she and shinji getting together? If your planning that.

Keep on writing. I like this story.

Finally an update! I thought you were gone for good... Anyway, glad you're back and in shape!

There's not much left to say, the story is VERY IC, and I personally liked the way Asuka is in this fic. Keep up the good work. I'm waiting for the next chapters.

I was wondering when this story would get updated. It was another exellent chapter I wonder if Asuka will ever figure out who she was fighting. I look forward to the next chapter you write great work.

GOD DAMN FFN CUT OFF MY REVIEW. In any case, I'll finish what I was saying. Besides the Grammar mistakes, stories these days have monotonous run-ons of a series of incoherent events that does NOTHING to contribute to the overall quality of the fic. OOC-ness in many fics is also running rampant like a swarm of unchecked locusts. More importantly however, characterization is also seemingly lacking in most fics.

Let me ask you again, where is all that in YOUR story? Hey, these days when hordes of incompetent writers are churning out mindless crap for the ignorant masses, why should YOU be any different.

Bottomline: I am deeply disappointed in your work and implore you to reconsider which direction you're taking this fic before continuing writing.

this story is awsome.update or i will sic Mr.Fluffy on you.