Breaking the Binds That Hold

Written by Jeldi

Series: X/Tokyo Babylon
Pairing: S/S
Rating: PG-13

My track record is still better than CLAMP! That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! ^.- After five and a half years, I bring you chapter 5!

Thanks you to the recent review and favorites! You all helped motivate me to actually get this fic finished after all of this time. ^.^ I still have the epilogue, but the end is in sight!

Disclaimer: As everyone knows by this point, all X characters do not belong to anyone but CLAMP. I just wish they did. Boy's Love, shounenai, yaoi yada yada (depending on what you call it now)...avoid it if you don't want to read it. I take no responsibility if you get offended.

Chapter 5 Fighting Tradition

Ueno had taken on a detached atmosphere, the paths fading into nothing in the distance. There was no rain, no clouds. In fact, there wasn't even a sky to behold. Everything was covered in a muted fog, creating a surreal setting of grays and mist. Subaru's vision settled on this sight as he groggily came back to consciousness.

He was curled up against a split tree trunk, embraced by its roots; the same tree he had just brought to the end of its life. He sat up slowly, placing a hand on the trunk for support as he looked around. Kamui was not present, and he had the distinct impression that this was not the real Ueno Park.

The onmyouji rose from the protection of the tree's roots and straightened his clothing. He immediately noted that he suffered from none of his recently sustained injuries. In fact, he looked as he did any other typical day; no tattered clothing, no blood, no bandages. I must be Within, Subaru reasoned calmly as he assessed that he was not in pain either.

Looking out over the mist-shrouded landscape, the Sumeragi wondered at the meaning of this dreamscape. Perhaps this was a transitory state towards embracing the afterlife, a stepping-stone for his consciousness to accept the inevitable. Subaru had not planned further than the assault on the Sakura Tree. To live or to die had not been important enough for him to consider, as long as he reached the end result. Looking at the splintered tree, he once again rested his hand against it, feeling the rough splintered bark bite into his skin. But it was just the husk of a normal tree; no aura or presence remained to call out to its guardian.

It had been the goal of the clan for centuries to end the line of those ascending to the title of Sakurazukamori. To Subaru, he wondered if that had not just upset the balance of yin and yang. Light and dark; two sides of the same coin. But if you took one away, what was left? Perhaps his death would resolve the imbalance caused by his actions.

His reverie was interrupted as he felt the dreamscape shift; a feeling akin to knowing someone had just entered a room while his back was turned. He slowly started to turn and survey the false paths of the park. His eyes fell on a sight that made his heart stop. Where there had previously been nothing but a haze, two figures had coalesced and his heart gave a painful lurch, both in yearning and in sadness.

Hokuto bounced over and hugged Subaru heartily, spinning them around from the inertia of her flight; it was something he had sorely missed for close to a decade. He hugged her back just as enthusiastically, worried it was another illusion doomed to fade out as quickly as it had come. Though, within the dreamscape she felt as real as she had when she had been alive. Still, Subaru wasn't willing to believe this wasn't just an illusion conjured up by his overexertion and longing.

He faltered, but managed to questioningly ask, "Neneesan?" And as he glanced past her shoulder, he saw Seishirou regarding their reunion from a respecting distance. Seishirou-san Their gazes locked for a brief moment; mismatched green and hazel against a piercing gaze from behind those ever-present sunglasses.

Their gaze was broken as Hokuto abruptly pushed her brother back to arm's length, examining him closely. Subaru furrowed his brow as Hokuto clucked her tongue at him disapprovingly; her hands dropped from his shoulders to come to rest on her hips. Her expression turn from joy into a pout as she addressed her brother, "While I admit that this creamy tan shade compliments your skin tone and the black offsets the lighter color...JEANS? 100% cotton? I taught you better than that, Subaru!"

Subaru stood there agape at her sudden non-sequitur, her appalled expression explaining even more than her words. That expression softened quickly and she hugged him fiercely once again. Resting her head on his shoulder she said, "Subaru, what were you thinking? I thought you were going to die..."

He sighed and closed his eyes, not wanting to look at either of them as he replied, "It may be too late...and I have nothing left to live for in that world."

His eyes snapped open as the older man spoke for the first time. "It is not too late...yet," he said as he started casually walking to close the distance between himself and the twins, "You did, however, sustain heavy wounds from the Sakura Tree, so no one would question if you never wake. It is entirely your decision whether you live or die."

Seishirou stopped a few meters away from them, regarding the twins who now looked completely different with their incorporeal age difference. His gaze fixed on Subaru, who returned it unflinchingly, though Hokuto felt her brother tensing defensively.

She looked first at one and then the other, exasperation written boldly on her features as the silence extended itself into the darkness beyond their false Ueno. Charging them both with a stern look, she cried out, "Why are you acting like that even now? I swear you both would make saints swear in frustration." Subaru ducked his head a bit at the admonishment, just like he always had when they had been together. Some habits died hard...

Seishirou looked toward the older of the twins, his only reaction to her accusation, and said, "Hokuto-chan, the fault is mine. He has very little reason to trust me."

Subaru startled, looking toward the older man with a slight shock, thinking, 'Seishirou-san is admitting...that he is to blame for something in his life?' A part of him wanted to hear it again, for that admonition was stirring feelings that he had thought long forgotten within; it reminded him of the person he had thought Seishirou had been. Someone who was human...

Someone he could trust...

And yet the man still acted as distant and callous as he had been since their meeting in Nakano.

Hokuto was oblivious to her brother going silent in contemplation, releasing him while pointing a finger at the older man. "You could have helped that, you know," she said accusingly.

Seishirou tilted his head slightly, acknowledging her statement and grinned coldly, "It's against my nature. Surely you both know that."

Subaru narrowed his eyes, while Hokuto just turned fully to stare him down with her arms crossed in annoyance. "Sei-chan, you could at least try to make this easier."

He simply smiled in return, much to her annoyance, and replied, "That's against my nature as well, Hokuto-chan."

Dramatic as always, she shook her head, and as if it explained everything, said, "Men..." As she was about to tell him off for dodging, Subaru interrupted her, his brow furrowing slightly in anger, "How can you still call him that?"

With her entire argument caught in mid-breath, she looked at her brother at first in confusion, but shrugged slightly and tilted her head to one side, looking from one man to the other, "What, Sei-chan? That's who he will always be to me."

"Even though he killed you?" Subaru questioned disbelievingly, still not accepting that she could be so familiar with her own murderer.

Hokuto sighed, glancing at Seishirou, "Subaru, I asked him to for your sake. You can't let what happened keep you tied to the past." She taxed them both with a piercing look, "Both of you needed to move forward and neither one of you were going to take that step on your own."

The older onmyouji looked at her with a quirked eyebrow, and the younger glanced aside in guilt. "Yes, both of you," she reaffirmed, her gaze gaining a spark of determination as she looked pointedly at Seishirou.

Subaru eyes, however, were unfocused as he was lost in tangled memories replaying through every meeting they had had after Hokuto's death. How many wrong steps had they taken to make such a glorious mess of things?

That's exactly what happened...
A mess...

But if I hadn't fallen Within in the first place, you would have still been alive

And all of this wouldn't hurt so much...

She cupped his face in her hands and looked at him with a look of compassion mixed with a hint of sadness,
"Subaru, Sei-chan isn't going to hurt you."

"Why can't you forgive him?" she continued, delving to the heart of the matter within that simple question, breaking him from his thoughts. Nine long years and still Subaru needed answers coaxed out of his maelstrom of thoughts.

Looking at Seishirou instead of his sister, he replied with a bit of venom to his tone, "Every time I thought I was all right, you found something to remind me of everything that had happened. No one else can see the wounds, but it hurts more each time."

Subaru took satisfaction in the slight surprise that graced the older onmyouji's face at his accusation. Though he had seen surprise before in the older man's face, this time he knew it wasn't just an act to be played out. Their gazes remained locked for a moment, though it seemed like an eternity.

Nothing broke the silence as it played out between them; not even a shift of Hokuto's ethereal fabric. She knew better than either of them how important the next few minutes could be.

A refined, masculine sigh finally disrupted the void.

"Subaru, I know that I hurt you, and I make no excuses for that. However, is that all you can think of when it comes to us?" he replied, still not hiding his reaction to Subaru's forward declaration. The subtle confusion in his voice was evident; though the Sakurazukamori had known that his actions were a means to an end, he had truly expected that the younger onmyouji would hate him for those "unforgivable" acts. Still, he shouldn't have been too surprised. Subaru's innocent, sweet and forgiving nature was what had drawn them together in the first place.

"Have you really given me any option to see something different?" Subaru retorted, his tone still slightly harsh though calmer than it had been.

"Have you stopped to think of everything Sei-chan did for you?" Hokuto asked with a hint of frustration in her voice.

Subaru paused, taken off guard by the question. It wasn't something he had considered before; the negative was always easier to remember than the positive. And yet there was Hokuto, his only sister, trying to get him to look past the pain he had held close for so long...to see the positive that he had refused to acknowledge.

'What has Seishirou-san done for me?' Subaru thought, 'He gave me...anger... heartbreak... loneliness... and bitterness.' The list was much longer, but Subaru paused as he realized how different he was from the boy he had been. And not all of those things were harmful.

Seishirou had also given him...

Ambition

Strength

Hope

Love?

'Yes, someone to love...even if it wasn't returned,' he reasoned within his own warring emotions.

As that realization crossed his gaze, his sister smiled. It was the first sign of the brother she knew was still in there. She placed her hands on his shoulders and looked at him with her intense gaze of emerald green, "What happened to my brother, who trusted and always believed in the good of everyone?"

Subaru couldn't face that gaze, and broke the stare, "That person is long gone Hokuto-chan." Hokuto simply shook her head at his response.

"I don't think he is as far away as you think, Subaru-kun," Seishirou responded before Hokuto had the chance to voice that same thought.

"I agree with Sei-chan. If you think that's true you're just lying to yourself," she replied with amusement apparent in her voice; it sounded more like a joke than an accusation. Cupping the side of his face, she turned his gaze back toward her, trying to make her sincerity as apparent as his emotions had always been.

"You never could lie, not even to yourself; it always reads right in your eyes."

Letting her hand drop so she could grab both of his hands, she cradled them in her own, leaning over to whisper into his ear, "Subaru, what is it that you truly wanted from Sei-chan?" He looked at his sister, incredulously at a loss for words.

Subaru has never stopped to consider that question either. He had always been fixed on the past...and yet, his sister was right here before him, asking him to let go of those defenses. 'Asking what, deep down, I've spent nine years avoiding,' he realized.

I wanted to be able to understand him like he did me.

I wanted to know who he really is...

The true nature of the person who I...

Love...

"Are you sure that you don't already have it?" she winked at him then, as if she already knew what had been in his heart all along, forced to hide in the shadows for nearly a decade.

But if that is true...it is already too late...

"I've already yelled at Sei-chan for what he did, so you can make up now," Hokuto spoke up, subtly changing the subject. She looked thoughtfully at Seishirou as she did so.

Subaru smiled softly and shook his head at his sister as she looked back toward him with a grin. As positive as she had always been, she was trying to lead him out of his melancholy, like she had every time before as they were growing up.

Acting as if forgiveness was a simple thing.

Could it really be as simple as that?

He glanced at the older man, seeing a thoughtful expression gracing the man's own features. From the looks of it, Subaru wasn't the only one affected by Hokuto's mischievous and intuitive ways. Hokuto had that intrinsic nature to always seek out the heart of a matter, especially in the hearts of those who she knew the most. How she could have that effect on people, Subaru had always guessed at.

Yet, wasn't it already too late for forgiveness?

She let go of Subaru's hands and hugged him once again, "Just because I'm not around doesn't mean that I'm not with you, Subaru."

So please learn to love those who you still have in your life..., was the silent plea in her eyes.

As she released him from her hug, she held his face once again cupped in her palms, looking straight into the green windows of his soul. "You'll think about what I said, right?" She smiled deviously then, spinning around him to give him a forceful push toward Seishirou with a wink.

As another form started to coalesce into the dreamscape, she giggled and danced away from a startled Subaru. Seishirou inclined his head towards the man clad in white with pale hair in familiar acknowledgement. Hokuto stepped over to him and grabbed Kakyou's right arm in both of hers and looked up at him smiling sweetly.

"Thanks Kakyou! Will you help me with something else?" He smiled back at his beloved, his expression answering in a way that words could not describe; one that said, anything as long as it is with you.

"Well then, that settles it! We're going to go crash another dreamscape," she said cheerfully, as if they hadn't spent all that time trying to mend a near decade worth of heart wrenching pain, "There's someone else's love life that I'm going to go fix right now. Besides, I'm sure you two having plenty of catching up to do."

She smiled widely, waving as she and Kakyou faded out, and they heard her faintly call out, "Mata ne!" The two men watched as they faded out completely, leaving behind a void so quiet you could hear a pin drop. If it was possible for the silence to be deeper than before, this was it.

The quiet stretched out between the two onmyouji, the finality of it weighing down on them like a leaden weight. Subaru looked anywhere but at Seishirou, for fear of what he would see in the opposite gaze. Seishirou, however, was quite intent on staring at Subaru through the barrier of his sunglasses.

As if gauging what Subaru would do...

Clearing his throat, which felt dry to the Sumeragi even though it was a dreamscape, he broke the silence. To take a leap of faith that he had never allowed himself to consider before this. After a last moment of hesitation he spoke, "I thought I'd never be able to ask for answers..." He shot a quick glance toward Seishirou, but could not bring himself to meet that level gaze.

Seishirou continued waiting patiently for Subaru to put his thoughts into order, intently gazing at him and not hiding the fact that the younger onmyouji had his full attention.

"Why, Seishirou-san?" the younger onmyouji asked dejectedly after a moment, as if the answer to such a vague question could be easily given in an instant.

"Subaru-kun, I could give you any number of answers, but I doubt you would accept my reasoning," Seishirou replied, eloquently shrugging the obvious importance of the question off, like he had always done before. Subaru was tired of that game of indifference.

He set his jaw in anger, closing the short distance between the two. Though he know it was hard to be intimidating to someone as nonchalant as his opposite, Subaru reached out and grabbed the lapel of Seishirou's jacket in a death grip and stared up at the man, trying keeping his resolve.

He balled his free hand into a fist, wanting a physical outlet for the frustration and confusion that was driving him. Subaru's thoughts came out all at once, a jumble of questions voiced with no expectation for answers. "Why did you make that bet? Why did you kill Hokuto? Why did you break my heart? Why didn't you kill me?" With every question, he hit Seishirou a little harder across the chest with his fist, though it wasn't meant to cause any serious injury; it was like a physical punctuation that emphasized his own pains inherent in those questions.

"WHY DID YOU DO ANY OF THIS?" Subaru yelled at him.

And Seishirou took it all silently and unmoving, letting his opposite wear himself out until those chaotic emotions calmed. Which didn't take long...

The Sumeragi, near to tears from releasing those pent up feelings and doubts, collapsed in on himself a little, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Seishirou's chest, his forearms to either side concealing his face from view.

Why did you want to die?
Why did you give me your eye?
Why did I take it?

Why did I become the Sakurazukamori?

"Why did you affect my life so much?" he said quietly, almost to himself as the anger drained out of him.

It wasn't really a question for Seishirou at all. It was a simple realization that Subaru hardly knew a life without Seishirou. He felt more than heard the sigh that came from above his head, ruffling his hair lightly.

Seishirou's reply was calm as ever, yet there was a contemplative lilt to it as he said, "It was something unsuspectingly decided for both of us that day we first met."

Subaru looked up from the protective shield of his arms at Seishirou in surprise.

Did I hear what I thought I heard Seishirou-san say?
Did he say that I affected him as well?
Or is that what I want to hear...

Seishirou suddenly chuckled, neither the over-exuberant or cold ones that Subaru knew, but more out of resignation. "I had thought of our bet as a game. Emotions were considered a frivolous distraction to the Sakurazukamori. I never expected anything of it."

Looking hurt from the statement, Subaru started to draw away with the stubborn expression of someone who wouldn't let himself be hurt again. "Don't misunderstand me, Subaru-kun. From a young age I was trained for this; instructed to block out anything non-essential to my duties. I believed that I had no emotions at all, and executed my role with no regrets."

Uncertainty and confusion swirling in those still expressive eyes, Subaru frowned as he interrupted, "Then why even bother? Why do something that you knew was futile?"

Seishirou got a far away look in his eyes, his voice falling as he pulled back the memory, "My mother insisted that she loved me as she was dying in my arms...despite the fact that I was the one who killed her."

Subaru looked at him in disbelief, whether from his honest explanation of her death or that she loved him, Seishirou did not know. He was sure the scene that was painted in Subaru's mind was not as elegant as how he himself remembered his first kill and the death of his predecessor. She was happy for that day, Subaru-kun...

"I didn't understand it at the time. I had never felt 'love' before, though I had been fond of her," Seishirou continued, shrugging at his own actions. "A mild curiosity compelled me to know what made someone 'love' another."

Shaking his head, Subaru stepped back letting his arms fall away from Seishirou. "But I lost, Seishirou-san. You..." he trailed off.

Seishirou quirked an eyebrow up in response. And it was finally apparent that after all this time, Subaru still hadn't realized what it all meant.

"Did you?" was Seishirou's simple reply, watching as the realization struck home and sent tumultuous emotions coursing across the younger onmyouji's eyes. Those eyes had never lost their flair of expression, even if Subaru had tried to hide it. He continued, "I failed to kill my designated prey." Yet Subaru waited, hardly breathing, for the reason why he didn't do what he had said he would.

Subaru could feel Seishirou's piercing gaze from beyond those tinted shades; that gaze far stronger than any physical binding. A gaze that was both intimidating and exhilarating.

A gaze that wouldn't let Subaru look away.

"In reality, during those nine years I realized that the loss of the bet was mine," Seishirou said, watching the emotions collide within that gaze. Yet, his own gaze was still veiled beneath protective glass, free from the same scrutiny. Safe.

Subaru wanted to say something, but he kept freezing on the words before they became sound. Seishirou was being earnest for the first time; Subaru wanted to believe that there was no deception; that this was everything he had wished for, despite knowing that reality and fantasy were two polar opposites. He wanted to believe this moment like nothing he had ever believed before.

This last moment in time where lies could be left behind...

And perhaps forgiveness could be found after all...

Seishirou rested his palms on Subaru shoulders, as he looked down at the younger onmyouji, "I was unable to escape my destiny, as much as you were not able to escape your own destiny as Sumeragi clan head."

He leaned in closer to Subaru, his voice barely above a whisper, "However, because of our duties, it was necessary for us to change...even if the bet's outcome was in your favor. I realized too late what that decision had cost."

"You should hate me, Subaru-kun," he said, with a definite finality to the statement.

Though he was all but calm, and his heart was hammering so hard that he was surprised Seishirou had not noticed, Subaru simply shook his head and replied in a steady voice, "Should I? Probably. Do I?"

He took a deep calming breath and answered truthfully, "No."

'Finally, after everything...I said it..' , Subaru thought, the weight over his heart finally lightening enough for him to breathe, 'I accepted it...'

Seishirou fell silent, still close enough that Subaru could feel the older man's breath dance across his skin. After a while, Subaru broke their silence with a noise that suspiciously sounded like a laugh, a small smile beginning to play at the edge of his mouth. "You know... you didn't dodge the question," he responded softly, surprised that the statement replaced the unsettled feeling in his heart with a warm flutter that he had long forgotten the feeling of. "For the first time, you actually gave me an answer."

Seishirou didn't reply in words, simply nodding more out of acknowledgment than indifference.

"And I believe you," he continued. With a slight hesitation, Subaru reached up to remove the sunglasses from Seishirou's face, and the older man did nothing to stop him.

Revealing the opal and honey, Subaru stared intently into that mismatched gaze. Though Subaru now possessed Seishirou's left eye, the older onmyouji appeared as he had before Rainbow Bridge, of how Subaru would always remember him; bearing the scar of his sacrifice to protect Subaru.

Seishirou caught his hand as he drew them away, the sunglasses frozen between them, not longer hiding anything behind their reflective surface. The longer they held each other's gaze, the more Subaru noticed that Seishirou had only concealed those emotions, but they did exist. The Sumeragi had just been too timid or too angry to search for them. And for the first time, Seishirou allowed his gaze to be unguarded.

And what he read there was

The answer to what they had both known all along.

Subaru, for the first time in nine long years, genuinely smiled. Seishirou couldn't hide anymore, and neither could Subaru. That gaze gave credence to the dreams that each had had all along; Subaru to accept his love and Seishirou to be found loveable as who he was.

We do understand one another.

More than either of us really realized.

We both wanted acceptance.

Yet we were both too stubborn to ask for it.

Hesitantly, he reached up, his hand brushing along side Seishirou's neck, and drew the older man down until their lips touched; a simple and chaste kiss, belying the innocence that Subaru still held within after all of these years. Yet, there was still a fierce passion behind it. He saw Seishirou's surprised expression before his eyes drifted closed.

And yet, this would be the only moment they would be able to enjoy their revelation. A tear broke loose and trailed down Subaru's cheek, falling to soak into the soft cloth of Seishirou's lapel. As they parted, Subaru buried his face into the cloth at Seishirou's chest, letting his tears soak into the cloth to join the first, not wanting Seishirou to see his sorrow.

Not that the older man needed to see it to know it was there. He sighed, an action that Subaru felt more than heard, as Seishirou said, "We can not gain back lost time, Subaru-kun."

Muffled against Seishirou's chest, as he refused to lift his head, Subaru replied sadly, "I have nothing left to live for. I would rather stay here than..."

Seishirou brushed on the younger man's hair, causing him to look up slightly. Caressing his cheek with a thumb, Seishirou looked pointedly at Subaru and said, "I've been selfish with your life for long enough. You do have things to live for...you've just forgotten them within your pain."

Logic, always logic...and yet it was something that Subaru couldn't refute even though his emotions told him he should. That was one thing that had never changed about Seishirou...he had always told Subaru what he needed to hear, even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

Seishirou tilted his chin up, and though Subaru's face showed his upset, Seishirou continued, "You need to start living for yourself again."

Subaru started again, haltingly trying to voice what he heart had wanted to ask since that day, "Seishirou-san...then what you said back then...was it the truth?" His gaze pierced into Seishirou's own, yearning for that answer like nothing else mattered.

Seishirou sighed lightly, "It was the truth." Subaru smiled lightly, with an expression of genuine contentment, even more so than he had as a teenager.

"Could you...say it one more time...?" the younger onmyouji asked.

Seishirou leaned in close and whispered into his ear, as he had that day on the bridge, "Boku ha kimi wo hanashite..." (I'm letting you go...)

It was a truth that was painful in some ways. Seishirou telling him that he was free from those bonds that had held them for so long, even if it was too late to change their fate. It was no longer an elaborate game of tactics and supremacy to be played; they were both free to see each other as who they were deep down without the defenses the years had built.

"Thank you," Subaru said, his smile flickering wider briefly before Seishirou closed the distance and kissed him once more. He crushed himself to Seishirou as close as he could, feeling Seishirou's heartbeat strong against his own. Here, within this moment, Seishirou was as much alive as Subaru could hope and before the moment could fade...

Passion heightened, and they were thrown into wild abandon as Seishirou deepened the kiss, exploring the contours of Subaru's mouth. And Subaru responded just as fervently, his arms wrapping around Seishirou's shoulders, drawing him in closer as Seishirou did likewise.

A moment or a millennium, it was unclear how long they stayed that way, taking in each other's presence. As they finally parted to draw in their breath, Subaru threw his arms completely around Seishirou's shoulders and neck in a fierce embrace as if he would never loosen that hold.

He whispered softly, "I've meant to say this for a long time, but I never let myself..." His grip tightened at Seishirou's neck, as he let go of that final defense.

"Seishirou-san, I love you...I always have."

To forgive had been easy after all...just like Hokuto had insisted.

And in return a whisper close near his ear, meant just for the two of them as if it was the world's biggest secret, "Boku mo...ashiteiru."

His heart hurt, certainly...but surprisingly it a hopeful ache this time. One that would in turn leave a mark on his heart, but unlike the emotional scars he carried all this time, it was a wound that would heal over time.

There was a subtle crack in the dreamscape, a shifting of his subconscious, as if their answers alone finally gave him a will to live again. He knew he would live on for both of their sakes, as he had decided when he took Seishirou's eye and fate.

His conscious mind was already drawing him back to reality; to where he belonged until it was the proper time to join his sister and Seishirou. He turned his head as Seishirou shifted to catch his lips once more in another fleeting kiss.

And there they stayed until all had faded to black.

Subaru opened his eyes to a white tiled hospital ceiling, a tear trailing its way down the side of his face.

Yet forgiving you means that I won't be able to let you go, Seishirou-san...

Ashite yamerarenai kara... (Because I can't stop loving you)

Author's Note: Poor Subaru...I can't even let him be happy even with a confession. It's his lot in life I guess. This was a story based from ideas I had in my head a decade ago and I'm still pursuing what I wanted to capture from how I felt at the time.

Despite there being a LARGE time gap between chapters, I hope that I didn't disappoint and that it lived up to expectations. For those that still remember this fic exists, thanks for enjoying it...and for all of those new readers, I hope you enjoyed it from the beginning!