Perfection, I'm Sure

By: Obscurus Lupa

A/N: Yes, I know Freaker's gonna get pissed when she finds out I'm not working on The Series, but I'm taking my time with it! I decided, eh, I've got nothing to lose, so I thought I'd just write a silly cough crossover. Well, technically it's not, but . . . Well, trust me, this has not been done. EVER.

Within the fabric of time, it's been known throughout the universe that strange things can and do happen. No one is quite sure why, some may even deny the possibility of such silly things making their way through our galaxy. The fact remains, however, that, deny it as they might, these odd occurences happen, sometimes more to one person than another. These people are usually not quite the normal type, as you can see. It so happened that three very abnormal teenagers slipped through a rip in the fabric of time, beginning another one of their strange occurences . . . Into a world full of terror, confusion, and utter horror.

I'm afraid this wasn't The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

No, it was something much more terrifying . . . Something that's name echoes through the mind and screeches its unholy voice into their eardrums, making them fall to their knees and beg for the sweet mercy of death. It all began a cold winter night in the small little town known to the world as Pleasantville . . .

It wasn't a normal night for Tommy Dawkins, Lori Baxter, and Merton Dingle. It was the kind of crisp, chilly night that sent chills down one's spine . . . Not the kind of night one would want to go out in, if they weren't these exact teenagers. You see, they weren't the normal type of children these days, consumed in games and popularity . . . Well, possibly Tommy, who was the most normal of the group, but even then he held a dark secret that was labeled as quite strange. Oddities were always around the three of them, causing one problem or another. It would puzzle anyone if they were to try and figure out why they were magnets to such creepy things, but even if by some slim chance someone were to figure it out, it would not change a thing. They would remain the town's anonymous heroes-- Tommy would remain the Pleasantville werewolf.

It just so happens that on this night, another oddity began to stir in the wind, an evil brewing in the night. A soft glow erupted in the middle of the chilly night air before the three of them, causing them to jump back and for Merton to let out a high pitched scream. Like a vacuum, this rip in time sucked them inside, sending them circling in a void of utter nothingness until they landed with a sharp thud.

"What happened?" Merton asked, taking a pale hand and rubbing his head. The others shrugged as the three of them stood up. They found themselves in a place of pure evil-- Although they didn't know it at the time. The sun was glowing brightly upon the town, making it seem inviting. Little shops were here and there, signs hung neatly in the windows displaying antiques, toys, and clothing. Houses lay in the gaps between them, lawn gnomes in every other yard and lush green grass trimmed neatly in the front.

To the normal person, it might have seemed that the three of them had been blown in by a tornado, brought to a pleasant little town with pleasant little people. However, these were not normal people, as said redundantly throughout this whole story. They knew right away that they were either out of their minds or in a nightmare when they saw pure evil, smiling its hellish grin and sparkling its blue eyes, approaching them, filling their hearts with fear.

That's right. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were heading straight for them, slightly different haircuts in place, mini-skirts freshly ironed, lip gloss applied, and purses in hand.

"What the Spawn is going on here!?" Merton exclaimed.

"Hello, friends," Ashley said in a sickly sweet voice, the shine from her shirt blinding, "What brings you to Sunnyville?" The two Barbie doll girls giggled simultaniously.

"Sunnyville?" Tommy repeated questioningly.

"Aren't you Mary-Kate and Ashley?" asked Lori as she covered her eyes from their blinding jewelry.

"Yes," Mary-Kate replied, adjusting her Britney-like hair, "We just moved into Sunnyville with our single feather-- I mean father! That's it, father!" They laughed nervously to try to cover up their hideous attempt at making their movies funny, all the while eyeing Merton and Tommy thoughtfully. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Aren't you going to ask us out?" Ashley asked Merton and Tommy.

"What!?" By the sound of the boys' simultanious yell, they were shocked at such a question.

"Yeah," Mary-Kate agreed, "We're perfect in every way." They struck a pose as passerby smiled and waved at them.

"Guys, this isn't a Mary-Sue, don't fall for it!" Lori warned them, getting in a fighting stance and facing the demonic twins. Out of the blue, some music began to play.

"S Club 7!?" Merton exclaimed, "We've gotta get out of this nightmare!" Sounds of "ain't no party like an S Club party" filled their ears, making them cringe.

"Date me!" Ashley commanded.

"C'mon, guys!" Mary-Kate shouted as well. The S Club 7 music faded out and some muffled voices could be heard.

"Well, even though Paul got eaten by sharks, we're still friends forever."

"Yeah!"

Childish giggling followed the piercing voices, followed by lame excuses to go to the bathroom and the sounds of wretching.

"How are we gonna get out of here, Merton?" Tommy asked nervously.

"I just . . . don't know . . . " Merton sighed defeatedly. Suddenly, he was struck with an idea. He picked up a pail of water (no one is quite sure why it was suddenly there and where it came from) and poured it onto the twins, causing them to melt into a pile of sweet and low and cheeseburgers.

"Wait a second, that didn't make sense," said Tommy, furrowing his brows, "They just melted? How come that didn't work with the sorority sisters or Hyacinth?"

"Random plotline, I guess," Lori replied, shrugging. Mary-Kate and Ashley suddenly reformed behind them, glowing demonically and cackling evilly. The three teens screamed in terror as they saw the twins return.

Merton's scream pierced the lair as he sat up in bed, waking up from his horrific dream. He wiped the sweat that was beading down his brow, laying back down. 'Twas a good thing, as one might say, that it was only a dream . . .

"Little buddy?" Vince walked through the sunny streets, seeing passerby stare.

"Hey there, are you a manager?"

Vince turned to see who this British voice might belong to, coming face to face with S Club 7. "Can you find little buddy for Vince?" Vince asked with a smile.

"I don't think we know that song," Jon replied, "But we can try to make one up . . . "

"How about one with our name in it again?"

The others cheered. Bradley put an arm around Vince. "C'mon, you can be our seventh member since Paul died-- I mean, left."

"Then you'll help Vince find little buddy?"

"Sure . . . "

The group headed off into the sunset, the last of Vince ever seen in Sunnyville being his silhouette as he was lead away by S Club 7. The group soon got their first hit out, "Vince Loves Pretty Girls", and our green- haired friend went on to a solo career, being forever adored as S Club 7 was never seen or heard from again. Sunnyville was taken off of the maps and all of the Olsen twin's series were canceled after the mysterious disappearance of their wicked stars.

Sadly, this story never did get a fully thought out plot and failed miserably.