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Author of 37 Stories |
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Rurouni Kenshin and the Holy Sakabato
Scene 19: Megumi - the Next American Idol
KENSHIN: (Covered in blood, guts, and lipstick while Aoshi is amazingly spotless, but missing his shirt and underpants. Not that we can tell.) O Geisha of Mou, we have brought the... ...(sigh) Yaoicon tickets, de gozaru. Can we go now?
HEAD GEISHA: Oh, these are nice tickets. They're seasonal tickets. I didn't even know there was a such thing as season Yaoicon tickets!
(AOSHI and KENSHIN exchange uneasy glances)
HEAD GEISHA: However, there is one small, itty bitty problem.
KENSHIN: What is that?
HEAD GEISHA: We are now... no longer the Geisha Who Say 'Mou'.
RANDOM GEISHA: Mou!
RANDOM GEISHA 2: OK, new rule. She's not allowed to speak anymore.
HEAD GEISHA: Shh! We are now the Geisha Who Say 'Ooo Eee Ooo Aah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang.' We also sing it in G minor and folk dance to it.
RANDOM GEISHA: Mou!
HEAD GEISHA: Therefore, we must give you a test.
KENSHIN: What is this test, O Geisha of- Geisha who till recently said 'Mou'?
HEAD GEISHA: Firstly, you must find... another batch of Yaoicon tickets! (dramatic chord)
KENSHIN: ...I can't believe this.
AOSHI: (Elbows KENSHIN)
KENSHIN: ...de gozaru yo.
HEAD GEISHA: Then, when you have found the tickets, you must reserve us hotel rooms at Yurisuites, preferably close to the convention center and with conventional breakfast served every morning!
GEISHA: Ohh, conventional breakfast! Yes, yes!
HEAD GEISHA: Then, upon getting us our tickets and reservations, you must proceed to have hot man-on-man sex with your friend there. ...In front of live cameras and an audience. ...Using... THIS! (Holds up a whip)
GEISHA: ...Ooooooh!
KENSHIN: We shall do no such thing! (eyes flash)
HEAD GEISHA: Oh, please!
AOSHI: Screw him? I'll cut open my stomach first.
BATTOUSAI: Be glad to do that for you.
AOSHI: ...When did you get here?
BATTOUSAI: When my counterpart passed out cold. Kicks KENSHIN on the ground So...what's going on?
AOSHI: ...Long story short, they want us to screw each other on camera.
BATTOUSAI: I'm going to kill them all.
AOSHI: (dryly) And how.
BATTOUSAI: (Kills them. In one swing. Looks like something from Bleach) Done.
HEAD GEISHA: ...You killed my harem!
AOSHI: What?
HEAD GEISHA: (pulls off wig) I'm a man! You killed my harem! I was this close to getting some!
BATTOUSAI: ...And you were wanting us to...
HEAD GEISHA: They wanted it! I had to appease them!
AOSHI: And the Yaoicon tickets?
HEAD GEISHA: For them, too.
BATTOUSAI: Can I kill him?
AOSHI: Let me. You got to kill the rest.
BATTOUSAI: I'm the main character, though.
AOSHI: No, Kenshin is. You're just a schizophrenic counterpart.
BATTOUSAI: I am not.
AOSHI: My... leige-err, Oh, hell, someone wake Kenshin up. Bird-brain's back.
(BATTOUSAI douses KENSHIN with water then leaves. AOSHI takes time to kill HEAD GEISHA-MAN-PERSON)
KENSHIN: What? Huh? ...Hey, my ass doesn't hurt. That's a good thing, right?
SANO: ...What?
MEGUMI: (singing) Kumbaya, My Lord. Kumbaya... Kumbaya, My Lord. Kumbaya...
AOSHI: What is she singing?
SANO: I don't know; I don't care; but it's immensely better than 'We Like to Party'. I have it stuck in my head now.
KENSHIN: Hey, my clothes are still on, too! All right!
AOSHI: Someone, please. Make him stop. Please.
KENSHIN: Anyway, Sano, did you find the grail?
SANO: Well, I-
MEGUMI: Tried so hard, and got so far! But in the end, HE RAN LIKE A COWARD.
SANO: Can I kill her, please?
AOSHI: Let's just go. Now.
KENSHIN: Yahiko! To the Kenmobile!
YAHIKO: (To SANO) I'll trade you.
SANO: ...I think I'll keep the singing bimbo, thanks.
MEGUMI: 99 red balloons go high!
AOSHI: LEAVING. NOW.
MEGUMI: I'm leaving on a jetplane...
And We cut this scene before bloodshed of practicing doctors could occur.
(End Scene 19)
Maybe one day I'll bring laughs to this fiction again. Good news is that To Make a Difference is almost completely revamped.
Phoe-chan