A Friendly Game of AD&D

By RaistlinofMetallica

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Blanket disclaimer: Anything you recognize, except for my OCs and the plot, I don't own. I do this for fun and absolutely no profit.

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"INJUSTICE!" shouts Raistlin, pointing a dagger at Tasslehoff's throat.

The kender beamed and held up the pouch. "But aren't you glad I found it?"

"The problem is," Raistlin began, snatching the pouch back. "YOU FIND EVERYTHING!" he shouted, seething with rage. "Now come here so I can scalp you properly!"

Tas backed away, looking a little concerned. "No thanks, man. I don't look good bald."

Caramon looked pleadingly at his brother. "Aren't you overreacting a little?"

"Shut up, you simpering weakling," Raistlin snapped irritably.

Riverwind looked up from the path. "Where are we again?"

Sturm sighed heavily and answered, "Dragons of Desolation."

Goldmoon gasped in shock and mocked terror. "You spoke!"

The knight shook his head with a chuckle. "I'm not a mute, you know."

The cleric smirked and pointed out, "But it's the first time you spoke since we began the quest."

The barbarian regarded Sturm again. "What's our mission?"

Sturm slapped his forehead in disbelief. "To rescue the refugees! Haven't you been paying attention?"

Tanis groaned and walked over the small knoll. He is promptly chased back to the group by hordes of celebrating refugees.

Elistan practically bounces up to them. "Hey, everybody! Good to see you all again! I take it you really kicked Verminaard's ass!"

"We must make haste in departing ere we be slaughtered by the dragonarmies," Raistlin noted pointedly.

The newly enlightened cleric of Paladine smirked and nodded. He turned to the joyous crowd and announced, "Righty-o! You heard the man! Let's move it!"

Sturm glared at Tasslehoff. "He didn't say that."

"Would you have preferred the speech?" the kender countered.

Riverwind looked confused. "Now what's my mission?"

"Lead the refugees through Northgate, you baka," Goldmoon chided with a smile as she turned to head back to the gates.

The tall plainsman followed her, still looking puzzled. "Nande ka?"

"They don't speak Japanese on Krynn, dumbass," Tas sighed, skipping by them.

Riverwind glared at the kender. "Omae wo korosu."

"Whatever!" Tas said, completely blowing it off.

Southgate opens impressively to a nice landscape and Hornfel the dwarf in your way. "Congratulations, we're relieving you of the refugees. They have won the lands outside of Southgate. We welcome you to return at any time, as we are open twenty-four hours, seven days a week for trade, unless there's a siege or internal political debacle. Thank you, please come again."

"Did he really say that?" Caramon asked, jaw dropping in astonishment.

Raistlin muttered something about injustice.

And so, after recovering from the long journey and many adventures, the party comes across joyous tidings. Riverwind and Goldmoon had decided to get married.

"I knew it! You were just trying to get us married all along, weren't you?" Riverwind protested.

Goldmoon glared at him. "You do know what betrothed means, right?"

The plainsman pulls out a dictionary and looks it up. "Oh. I see. Never mind."

"Sing the wedding song!" Tas chirped, bouncing.

Raistlin pointed at the seventeen empty ale glasses in front of the kender. "He's snoggered."

"Hey!" the kender protested.

Riverwind sighed and promptly hog-tied the drunken kender, stuffing a gag in his mouth for good measure. Then the groom smiled and recited the song in monotone.

There is much rejoicing. The celebration goes into the night, but many questions linger-

"No nookie?" Riverwind asks, suddenly.

Eh?

"I am newly married and my blushing bride and I would like some, er, private time," Riverwind said, glaring.

Boy, was his bride blushing!

"You two aren't in the next module," Raistlin said, examining Dragons of Ice. "You can go have tons of sex in that time."

Caramon looked mortified. "Eww!"

"You are a naïve weakling, aren't you?" the mage snorted at his brother.

The big warrior sniffled and began to cry.

"Now look what you've gone and done!" Goldmoon snapped. "Apologize right now!"

Raistlin turned away. "I don't take orders from you, onna."

"That's my wife you're talking to," Riverwind stated with a deadly glare. He smirked. "Besides, I heard differently."

The mage whipped around and snarled, "At least I know my own name!"

Tasslehoff, having lost the gag, scowled. "That was low, even for you."

Raistlin shouted, "Injustice! None of you even play the game seriously!"

A slam as a book hit a table. Scraping as the chair was hastily pushed back when its occupant stood. An angry teenager left the room to clear his head. A tiny miniature of a black robed wizard practically jumped as the door slammed.

Four boys and one girl remained in the room. The Dungeon Master, a goth apparently, put down his character sheet and his DM screen. "I thought Wufei was playing pretty seriously," he commented.

"Despite his over use of injustice?" the quietest boy asked, examining his little Sturm figurine with curiosity.

A rather pathetic looking blonde boy rubbed tears from his eyes and sniffled. "Why was he so mean to me?"

"I suppose he was trying to keep with the character of Raistlin," the only girl sighed, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Raistlin is mean to his brother in the books, too."

A rather stoic boy added something to his character sheet and sighed, "At least he didn't get married."

"But Goldmoon and Riverwind were supposed to get married. See, its part of the story!" the goth Dungeon Master said, holding up the game book.

The girl glared at the DM. "Wufei wasn't the only one who played his character a little too well. Right, Tas?" she hissed, her blue eyes narrowing at him.

The Dungeon Master laughed nervously and put on a big fake grin. "I was actually surprised we even got this far, guys. I thought we'd all kill each other first."

The stoic boy put a hand on the girl's shoulder as he rose from his seat. "Come, Chieftain's Daughter. We have a honeymoon to attend to," he said, flatly. There was a very faint smile on his lips.

The girl giggled and rose. "Coming, dear!" she answered in a mockingly cheerful tone. The two left, arm in arm, and obviously trying to avoid bursting into laughter.

"You think they'd actually-?" the DM began.

The normally quiet boy looked up from his miniature. "Oh, definitely."

"Eww! That's gross!" the blonde boy blurted, covering his ears as he realized what they meant.

-Fin-