Disclaimer: Me no own. (obviously) *rolls eyes*

Warning: Dark, dark and dark. Mature themes. Yaoi. Angst. Author with severe mental disorder alert.

Those That Drown

by Caroltrue

The carpet was a dull shade of rose pink. It was old now, matted and completely horrid. It smelt vaguely of mud and sweat, grime and dust, and probably an assortment of other scents he really didn't want to think about. The texture was coarse against his calloused fingertips, but he could feel the grease imprinted within the fibres when he tugged at them slightly, leaving behind a thin coating on his hand.

Sometimes he made his eyes go out of focus slightly, and the carpet looked like an off-shade sea of blood. So much blood. Like the blood he had seen through the turmoil of the past year and a half. He wondered exactly when the blood had stopped bothering him as much, and when he had stopped feeling the vague tug at his soul every time he had taken a life. When had he become so numb?

He knew it should worry him in some way, that this easy acceptance couldn't exist in someone sane, but it didn't. The though of him being insane didn't worry him either. He felt he'd lost his claim on sanity a long time ago as well as so many other things. It wasn't normal, he knew and in honesty he didn't care. He was just so tired of everything, so absolutely exhausted.

He didn't even have the strength left to mourn.

The mattress was too soft and left his back aching when he woke. The springs creaked with every shuffle of movement, and it would have bothered him if he hadn't been able to fall into the oblivion of sleep so easily. It came so, so, easily.

The sheets were rough over what felt like hypersensitive skin. They chaffed slightly, or maybe it was his imagination. Perhaps he just imagined that everything was the way it was and he wasn't it the room at all. It wouldn't really surprise him. He had managed to do as much before.

"Oh the wicked web we weave when we are trying to deceive…" he chuckled lightly, but it was far from a comforting sound. Even to his own ears he sounded crazy, and the thought only caused him to quirk his lips into a twisted grin.

He stayed the hand that had been running up and down the stretch of carpet below his eyelevel. His head and left arm hung limply from the side of the bed while the rest of him as sprawled bonelessly under the sheets. He had been there for quite some time he knew. His arm had lost feeling ages ago.

The view of the carpet really wasn't that bad. Not in comparison to the many other sights he had to compare it to in his memory. It really was just a carpet. A dirty stinky carpet.

He felt the laughter bubble inside him again, but it died before it even had the time to reach his lips. He couldn't bear to even try to feel anymore. Everything just seemed far too cold for it.

He sensed the presence approaching before he even heard the heavy footfalls of boots against the hardwood floor beyond his room. He could possibly call it their room, except he really wasn't sure what the other did or went when he left.

The other man paused outside the door a second before knocking and pushing open the door he had left ajar after his earlier call. He paid the visitor no heed, only watched in fascination as the shadow cast by the man darkened the carpet before him. The blood had caked and dried before him in a second, he had never stopped long enough to watch it happen before.

"You must be hungry. I bought you something."

He shrugged indifferently, hand once more snaking out on it's own accord to touch the carpet that his minds eye saw as hardened blood. "It stopped bleeding," he noted in a tone close to awe. "You made it stop."

The footsteps came closer, and he shuddered in anticipation. Just to think of those hands and their soft touch was enough to reawaken the agony he had tried so desperately to escape. Such poison had never been so made sweet. Sweet enough to kill, and he had always had a sweet tooth.

He grinned at his own dark humour.

"You should eat Cloud. Your getting to thin."

"Mm." Cloud rolled onto his back slowly and away from the edge of the mattress. The springs squealed in annoyance at the movement.

He stretched slowly, reaching his arms up straight towards the peeling surface of the ceiling above him. He wasn't unaware of the appreciative eyes that were slowly drinking in his appearance, or the sheets that slipped oh-so-easily down his torso. He relished the hunger he could feel building in the other man, and loved how he could ignite it so easily. It was the only thing he had the power to control and manipulate. It was the only power he had anymore.

Pathetic he knew, but he couldn't live without some control. Some small shed of existence that he could command by himself. He knew what it was like to be someone else's puppet too well, and anything, no matter how filthy and degrading it may make him feel, was worth it for that tiny jolt of power. Everything led back to power.

The man radiated it. It seeped out of every living pore of his being and crackled from the barest of skin on his fingertips. A bloody walking Duracell battery bunny.

He grinned lopsidedly at the absurd image of pink rabbit ears popping out from underneath the ocean of long white locks that instantly sprang to mind.

"So we're playing this game again are we hm?"

Cloud suddenly broke from his thoughts and stared the man, looking almost startled to see him there. "Game?" he asked warily, already bringing his legs up to his chest, already knowing what was about to unfold.

"Tease."

The man leaned closer. Burning eyes of jade boring holes into his of sapphire. Two so oppose but yet so impossibly the same locking on one another and with one glace, telling a story of a terrible history that had led to that moment. A history that entwined them closer than any skin, and separated them further apart the any ocean. Ying and Yang.

Cloud didn't mind it, not really. If anything the sex was a release from the pent up emotion that he wound so tight that it stopped him from feeling anything at all. For a few moments, he could be free from everything. Oblivion welcoming him with open arms.

It wasn't that he wasn't a bad lover either. The man was everything he could have imagined. Of course, he was hardly gentle but that was not to say he was rough either. It seemed more like a balance occurred between the two, some pleasure, some pain. He believed his mother once said the words; Give a little, get a little. However he wasn't that far gone to believe she had ever envisioned it in this particular kind of situation.

One problem was that Cloud couldn't stand the afterwards. An afterwards where the emotion was left to simmer and boil once more before it finally burnt itself out, leaving him with nothing but indifference. It would all come full circle, a twisted spell of the déjà vu virus that left him at the same point. Legs spread and flat on his back.

The other difficulty Cloud had with the situation was the man's actions and words when they shared the same bed. The man constantly whispered words of love and endearment to him, something that was just so terribly and utterly wrong that it hurt him worse than any bout of fury the man rarely vented on him had.

Cloud loved him. He always had but he knew that the man who was now leaning in beyond the boundaries of personal space, the man now running those long, elegant, leather bound fingers along his thigh didn't feel the same. Or, Cloud hoped he didn't anyway. It would be so much easier to imagine that the man was just using him and not actually offering Cloud some twisted form of love.

Because if it was love, Cloud knew then that he would never save him.

The man captured his lips with his own, and Cloud pulled away abruptly, tears already stinging in his eyes.

"No," he whispered hoarsely. "You don't… you can't…"

The man ignored him and kissed him again, this time more passionately ravaging every part of the warm cavern of Cloud's mouth. Tasting and consuming everything in his wake and pushing the younger man down onto the mattress. Pressing his bodyweight down to pin the writhing blond underneath him as he struggled to be released, albeit weakly.

Cloud's tears fell easily as one part of his consciousness battled with the other. He wanted oblivion, so he clutched the dark leather fabric of the man's leather closer to his trembling frame. He needed to feel things again, he needed a release… he needed to believe he was loved.

The other part of him told him that he didn't want to endure the pain of feeling anymore and that he didn't want the man taking over his body like this and making his feel weak all over again. He didn't want this kind of love either.

His stomach churned with nausea as he inhaled the smell of him. Full of blood and death, so horrible but also strikingly primal. Some deep instinct within him naturally wanting to draw him closer so as to taste that wondrous death himself. What a beautiful thing it must be to be killed by this man. Such a perfect predator that moved so sleekly and effortlessly that it was like seeing him move smoothly thorough water. Cloud knew he could kill in the same way, he had seen it many times before. The hypnotic and artistic movements of the blade clasped within his skilled fingers.

Cloud finally managed to push the man's face away from his own and turn his face to the side. Shame guilt and fear suddenly making themselves known. He shivered as those eyes searched out his questioningly.

"Come now. Why must to delay the inevitable?" the man hovered his mouth over the right side of Cloud's face, lips grazing his right earlobe as he spoke. "You know I will have you."

Pressing himself further into the mattress Cloud left out a bitter laugh and nodded. "Yes yes, of course you will." He breath left him as a sob. "But don't act like you care. Please don't… don't lie to me anymore…" And the unspoken plea for the man to assure him that he didn't care was left hanging in that moment. A silence that stretched out beyond any space of time before being shattered suddenly with the man's sudden, eerie chuckle.

"Don't be stupid Strife. Of course I love you."

The world crumbled.

"No…" Cloud moaned helplessly as the man's lips assaulted his neck with kisses, bites and the soothing stroking of his tongue. "No… your lying…"

He wasn't sure if he was moaning because of the absolute horror and anguish that was tearing him apart on the inside, or because of the terribly arousing ministrations the man was performing on his body on the outside. Pleasure, pain, balance.

He didn't resist after that but instead lay defeated, letting the man do as he would with him. He allowed his body to be touched, explored and violated. It didn't mean much to him anyway. He was just a hollow shell and he wondered if there had been any time when he had truly felt whole. Surely not in the past year and a half, or Hojo's lab, Shinra, Nibelheim. Well, maybe in Nibelheim when he had been younger and oblivious to the obvious disgust the townspeople had for him. Perhaps in those early days, in the comforting embrace of his mother.

When the act was finally completed, and the man collapsed on him, spent from his pleasurable release, he rolled over to lie beside him and spooned Cloud to his side. He then touched Cloud's faced tenderly, bringing the blue eyes reddened with tears to meet his own.

"I love you Cloud." he whispered, but this was far from tender. It was more an amusement that Cloud heard in his voice, and a deep possessiveness that made his shudder as sickness coiled once more in his stomach.

The man slipped his hand to rest at the back of Cloud's neck, stroking the shorter fine hairs at the base of his hairline. "Do you love me?" he asked, a curious expression on his features.

Cloud bit his bottom lip painfully, hard enough to draw blood. The man before him already knew the answer. He had heard the same answer each time this happened. It was a ritual the man seemed to have devised at the end of their lovemaking to inflict a deeper wound on Cloud's soul. Especially now when emotions were running rampant.

"You know…" Cloud murmured brokenly. "you already know…"

The man wasn't satisfied with this and gripped the back of Cloud's neck painfully enough to leave a bruise. "Remind me."

Cloud whimpered in the man's grasp, cursing his weaknesses. "…yes."

"Who do you love?"

The grip became even stronger and Cloud gasped, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes and he tried to pull the man's arm away from him. "…you… I love you." he cried as his struggling only made the man more determined to hurt him.

"But what's my name?" the man questioned, His voice taking on a singsong quality as if dealing with a child.

"…Sephiroth."

Just saying the name made a wave of despair wash over him like a churning and turbulent ocean. He was being swept away, and he was slowly drowning. Drowning in his own mind and loosing himself. He couldn't move then even if he wanted to. His limbs were nothing but dead weights. He had nothing left to give.

Sephiroth smiled slightly and left him then. Slipping out from underneath the sheets and padded to the connecting bathroom of the room. Cloud could hear the shower being turned on, but didn't process the information. He was lost, he was drowning.

Sephiroth reappeared a few moments later, clad in nothing but a towel around his waist and started dressing slowly, talking to the unresponsive Cloud as he did.

"It's amusing out in the new world you know. I believe I really should let you see it sometime. Of course there will always be troublemakers but that can't be helped." A chuckle. "Still, mother is pleased. Most everyone has accepted her as the true power and those troublemakers shall be dealt with. They always are aren't they Cloud?" Another laugh as he began the clasps on the other boot.

"That foolish girl Lockhart still believes you're out there preparing to save her. My patience wears thin with that one, and the Wutaineese child. I wonder should I tell them how you are or let them rot with their foolish hope. I must admit their faith in you is quite astounding."

Sephiroth finally finished up by clipping the scabbard of his lengthy sword at his side and pulling on the leather gloves that had been quickly discarded earlier at some unidentifiable time. He stalked over to the bedside and kissed Cloud's forehead, running his fingers though the unusual blond hair.

"Remember to eat." he told the younger man and nodded his head towards the tray that had been set on a table on the inside of the doorway. "I don't know what I'd do if you became ill."

Then the silver haired warrior rose gracefully and moved purposely to the door. He had other, more pressing matters to attend to now. He only paused momentarily outside the door as he was pulling it shut behind him to stare at the blonde he had claimed. A content smile gracing his lips for only a fraction of a second before the door closed fully.

Cloud lay in silence for a long while staring unseeingly at the ceiling. He could feel the flood rising within him and knew he was helpless to stop it. It was the same every time. The overwhelming loss was always the same.

After, a few moments of uneasy silence a single painful sob escaped his lips. A few second later, this was followed by another, and then another. Cloud let everything crumble inside of him and wept openly for everything he had ever dared to believe in, everything he had lost, and everything he had ever had the misfortune to love.

End.

Authors Note:

This was written while in one of those 'Hey I wanna torture an extremely angsty character for no real reason' moods, while under the influence of the Red Hot Chili Peppers new album (it's brilliant nuf said) and an entirely unhealthy addiction to the Clamp manga 'X' (or more commonly known as 'X/1999') and Tokyo Babylon. This story really does have Subaru and Seishirou written all over it or Kamui and Fuuma for that matter. ¬_¬ Stupid unoriginal brain.

The time period for this story is actually after Meteor. In this Seph actually won, but he didn't destroy the planet. Pft! Like what would he achieve by doing that really? Instead he's just taken over the world. AVALANCHE are captive. Cloud is captive in a different way entirely though. *evil snigger* However, I'm trying to maintain the idea that Seph does love him… it's just… kinda twisted. _;; I could go more in-depth with the plot but I couldn't be bothered now. *shrug*

Please R&R, constructive criticism is also very much welcomed.

Thanks for reading.

~ Caroltrue