Disclaimer: as per Chapter 1.
Summary: Logan makes a decision.
Spoilers/Timeframe: AU (Hello, Goodbye).
Rating: R
iluvaqt's Notes: The second part and I know it sad. It took me a lot of gut searching and deliberating to actually work up the first part. Seeing as I got a review I thought I'd better post the end. Thank you Kyre. This part is thanks to you!

Chapter 2: Too Much

When she closed that door and left me behind, she took my soul with her. It wasn't enough that they put this virus between us. Now there's this. I thought she was stronger than that, I know she's lying, she has to be lying. I just won't believe that she can want him, not with the way I know she feels inside. But lately it's been so hard to tell, I used to be able to reach her. See through the barriers she tried to use to block me out, but lately the walls have been thicker and higher. It's more than I can break through and she'll been slowly drawing away from me.

"It's over..." I look at her eyes, she's hiding something. I don't believe the words, I read the expression and she's lying. Why is she doing this? I don't know. I want the whole story, what was he doing in her apartment, how long has this been going on, does she love him? Has this been there all a long, the two of them together, laughing behind my back? Somehow I can't picture Max that way, but she's been different for a long time. There was only one moment that I saw the old Max, it was when she first returned to me. It was that moment when I held her in my arms and kissed her, before I collapsed. From then on, the Max I knew started disappearing. What I wouldn't give to hold her, to touch her, just to kiss away the fear. When I lost her the first time, all that kept me going was the knowledge, this inner feeling that she was alive and that somehow she'd find her way back to me. Now I have nothing. She took that from me, took everything and left me with nothing. I know she's alive but she doesn't want me, doesn't want us.

Just over a year ago she came flying to my side, at first I wasn't sure if she wanted to deck me or hug me. She did the latter,thankfully. The look on her face was a mix of sheer fear and relief. I brushed off her attentions, babbling on about the afternoon's emergency, to take the focus away from what I had been planning. Purposefully, yet carelessly slipping the gun and rounds back into the desk drawer. I noticed her eyes flicker towards my hands, watching my movements but I kept my face expressionless and I plead indifference. She didn't comment and we left it at that. I don't know why, but when she just stood there it was an awkward silence. Did I want something more? Maybe I did, maybe I wanted her to straighten me out, tell me what I wanted to hear. Which was what at the time? Logan, I love you? Nah, then I wasn't even sure that was it, maybe just, Logan, I need you...then it was always more than that, I wanted. Who am I kidding? I fell for her from the start. The mysterious cat burglar. The woman I had to know everything about; whom I came to love with a reckless passion, the woman I can no longer live without.

I look down at my useless body, it's failed me in more ways than I care to count. I couldn't save Sophie on my own. For months I dealt with gut wrenching spasms and a body I couldn't care for, then there was the false hope of freedom. All my prayers answered only to be crushed and shattered, worse than before. I couldn't save her but he could. Zack, her brother. Even with the exoskeleton I didn't have the strength to support us both. I couldn't even lift the woman I loved. I left her there, not of my own free well but true enough. Why do I keep kidding myself? How can I ask her to be with me, when I can barely even care for myself. I take off my glasses and hold my head in my hands. I want to believe those words she once whispered, "It's never been about you being able to walk..." It's hard to trust a beautiful woman who was trained to lie perfectly, smile before the kill and feel no guilt. There was a time when I wouldn't have believed that X5-452 and my Max, were the same person. That time has passed. The man of ignorance and false hope is gone. Like the Max I knew, the woman I loved.

I've been swimming in self-pity, I know it and everybody knows it. Despite all the arguments that play out in my head I refuse to accept reality. That she truly doesn't want me in her life, she's cut me out dead. Doesn't take calls, doesn't drop by and I know I'll just make things worse if I try to see her. I get the hint but why don't I just take it? Alcohol drowns or numbs the pain and emptiness, temporarily. Afterward, the hangovers only serve to further heighten my foul mood. Asha's officially pronounced me an ass for the hundredth time this week, only adds to the already unanimous decision. But they all just don't get it, I want to know why? I want to hurt her, hurt her like I'm hurting. How is it that she can just give up on us or did she a long time ago? Or have I been living a dream, my own dream from the very beginning?

The cold steel rests in my lap, it's been a while since I've held this piece. I eject the clip and load it, before sliding it back in and cocking the pistol. The once empty chamber is now ready and waiting. Resting it back in my lap, I wheel toward the window. It's dark outside, black like my soul. It's all dead and gone, just as the air in the room was the moment she left. There's only one lamp on, only shedding a dull glow over the entire room. I lift the gun and firmly grasp it in my right hand. Long strong fingers close around the butt and I place my index finger on the trigger. I surprise myself with the utter calm I feel, the gun holds steady and unwavering, just brushing my temple. Slam "Logan?" Damn it, why now Asha? I don't think about it. I don't think about what she might say, or what she'll think, I just pull the trigger.