Chappie three up! Haha! My lameness has reached new heights! Award me with
reviews. Sorry for not update. Been working at the lousy Mint. Packing
stupid coins. * glowers at spore mint * this will be short. Sorry.
Act1 scene 3
Rome. A street. Thunder and lightning. Enter from opposite sides, Casca,
with a staff of office and Cicero with a white plastic bag.
Cicero: Ah! Hi! How are you? How is Caesar? [a brightly false voice, hiding
a packet behind his back.]
Casca: Yeah. So so.
Cicero: [sees Casca properly for the first time] What the hell are you
doing with that stick???
Casca: It's not a stick!!!
Cicero: Then what? A lollypop?
Casca: !!! It's my staff of office! No one is allowed to harm a senator.
Cicero: Who says? Publius was mugged three times in the night! In the end,
he ended up at home in his birthday suit.
Casca: Oh. But they wouldn't dare to harm me!!! I'm too important.
Cicero: Choke. Splutter. Cough. YOU?!
Casca: Hey! I shall ignore you.
Cicero: You mean you will try to ignore me. You will fail miserably.
Cicero: Anyway, why carry it around? I have one too and I don't go around
showing it to everyone.
Casca: Are you blind or what?
Casca: Are not you moved, when the scolding winds
Shakes like a thing unfirm? O Cicero,
I have seen tempests, when the scolding winds
Have rived the knotty oaks, and I have seen
Th' ambitious ocean swell, and rage, and foam,
To be exalted with the threat'ning clouds;
But never till tonight, never till now,
Did I go through a tempest dropping fire.
Cicero: Fire? It's called lightning. Limited vocabulary.
[Flames start raining on Cicero, setting him on fire]
Cicero: Owwwwwwwwww! Quit it! I get the point! Tempest dropping fire. Yes,
its correct! Stop raining fire on me!
Satan (Narrator): Don't try to contradict me! [sends one last fireball down
at Cicero. The raining and lightning continues, the two Romans get wet]
Casca: [glares] As I was saying.
Either there is a civil strife in heaven,
Or else the world, too saucy with the gods,
Incenses them to send destruction.
Cicero: Errrrrrr. Why do you sound like an Ancient Briton? We're Ancient
Romans, not Elizabethan actors!
Casca: What Ancient Romans? I'm not dead yet!!!
Cicero: [smacks his head] NVM!!!
Casca: And what do you mean by Ancient Britons speaking like I did? All
they say are grunts and moans.not even a crude alphabet. just primitive
noises. (Author's notes: I believe the noise guys make comes close to that
description. :p )
Cicero: I mean in the future.
Casca: Huh? You are phsyco.
Cicero: !!! [looks offended] You spoke in Olden English.
Casca: Huh? I'm speaking in Greek and a corrupted version of Latin, what's
English? There is no place named Englis.
Cicero: URGH! Ignorant fool! This play, Julius Caesar, is writt-
Casca: Wait a minute, why is it named after Caesar? He's not that great.
Cicero: Ask Shakespeare, he wrote the play, not me. Anyway, since by that
typically blank look on your face tells me that you have never heard of the
bard, I'll give you a brief summary.
Casca: K. [rolls eyes, clearly thinking Cicero had finally cracked]
Cicero: William Shakespeare is a drunkard sod and he writes cheesy plays.
Incidentally, according to Xin, he's gay and he writes amazingly sappy
sonnets. Somehow, people like what he wrote and called him 'The Bard'
Cicero: [looks offended] I tell you all this useful future knowledge and
all you can say is 'Whatever'?
Casca: [shrugs] Whatever.
Cicero: !!! [burst into tears]
Casca: You're really not yourself today. I'm off to take a leak, bye.
Cicero: [takes out a hankerchief, wipes it across his face.] Nobody
understands me. I shall take some of the drug to cheer myself up. [sniffs
glue. Is transported into the highest level of heaven] Hail! Muses! Give me
inspiration! Money! Fame! [starts to wave his hands wildly.]
[Casca walks in. sees Cicero waving his hands wildly]
Casca: What the! [stares at Cicero] Oi! Ah-hah! He is sniff glue! The
forbidden stuff! [pours alcohol down Cicero's throat to wake him up]
Cicero: [pouts] I was having a vision.
Casca: [roll eyes] You are deluded. Addicted. Whatever.
Cicero: [burst into tears] BULLY ME!!! WAAAAAAAAAH!
Casca: [looks horrified] What the hell! Cicero?! You are definitely not
yourself today. [hits Cicero on the head]
Cicero: Ow! That was uncalled for! [stops crying]
Casca: huh? Nvm. Here's the deal, Cicero. I caught you sniffing glue. The
penalty is 1 million denariis. I want 2 million to keep this secret.
Cicero: Daylight robbery! I'll pay you half of that!
Casca: No. Your reputation is worth far more than that, I'm sure.
Casca: But what do you want the cash for? You'll die, Antony is going to
Cicero: [snaps] I know that, moron. I'd prefer to die a rich man, thank
Casca: [mutters] I rather not die.
Cicero: So would I! I have no choice! So there!
Casca: [scratches heads] Cicero, you don't make sense. Anyway, pay up!
Cicero: No! I'll be poor! My wife would kill me if she found out.
Casca: Pay up!
Cicero: [looks desperate] please, Casca, I'll pay you half a million, I
can't afford more than that. that's already one month's salary. accept it,
I beg you!
Casca: NO! I need cash! Cos I'm being weapons to- damn. I told you. Sorry
Cicero. Now I have to kill you. Cos now, you know of The Secret!
Cicero: but I already know the plot of the play! This is not in the script!
Satan: This is my play, not Shakespeare's. Casca, kill him.
Casca: Gladly. DIE! [advances on Cicero with a dagger. Cicero backs away,
looking terrified. Cicero then burst into tears in the hopes that casca
would run away in disgust.] ah! He's crying! I don't want to kill such a
Satan: [booms angrily] KILL HIM! I'm feeling bloodthirsty now, so rip his
guts out and tear out his vocal chords.
Casca: But. it's not to my benefit. and I'll lose face if I kill such a
Cicero: [looks offended] who are you calling coward.
Satan: [glares] either you kill Cicero or I get Voldemort to kill both of
Satan: [mutters] ignorant savages. Vodemort, heel!
[The Dark Lord appears, in all his macabre glory]
Voldemort: You summoned me, Dark Mistress? [bows servilely.]
Satan: Yes. Kill those two and you can go back and attempt to kill Harry.
Voldemort: I was busy torturing someone, mistress. May I finish that job
before kill this two fools?
Satan: No. I want them dead now! Or else. I'll tell J.K. Rowlings to let
Harry defeat you in book 5.
Voldemort: Yes, oh mighty one. [advances on the two staring Romans] Are you
two wizards that have annoyed my superior boss?
Cicero: Huh? I am but a noble Roman, not a wizard, sir.
Casca: Eh, yes. I am the Druid Cascada. This erm, non-wizard has found out
the wizarding secret. Kill him, my lord!
Voldemort: Er, oh mighty one, do I kill both?
Satan: oh fine, since you are so wussy, just kill one, the Cicero one.
[grumbles about lily-livered dark lords not worth their pay] The next time
you don't listen to orders I'll sack you and get Draco Malfoy to do my
Voldemort: [glares at Cicero] You nearly cost me my job! Die, you worthless
muggle! Adva Kedava! [beam of purple light hits Cicero. He's dead.] Purple?
Why is it purple?
Satan: Cos I like purple. What are you complaining about? Get back to the
wizarding world! [chases Voldemort away] Now, Casca, you have killed
Cicero. Cassius will come in, now. Yep. Bye! [disappears]
[Cassius walks in. Sees the scene of carnage before him]
Cassius: So this is what you do in your free time!!!
--------------------------------------------- I shall stop here. Review!