21 December 1999
I can't begin to tell you what a wonderful time I had on my first
trip to the States. I even enjoyed the little trip to the shopping mall
when you made me try on more clothes and colors than I've ever tried on in
my life; I thought we'd never get out of there with the mad rush of holiday
shoppers! However, out of all our adventures, the best part was meeting
you in person for the first time. You are truly a beautiful person inside
and out. Thank you for your hospitality and for helping me distract myself
from the situation at home. I hope you don't mind that I picked you up a
little token as a symbol of our relationship while you were buying a soda
at the mall. Hopefully, you'll think of me whenever you wear it. Perhaps
one day soon we can be more than just friends? Shall I visit again soon,
love, or maybe you could come to England?
Write soon! Happy Christmas!
* * *
December 26, 1999
I'm very glad you came to visit. I hope you had a great Christmas,
This year, Dawn and I celebrated Christmas at our dad's house in Los
Angeles. His 20-year-old girlfriend whom he's been dating two years was
there, too. She's barely old enough to be my big sister, and she's
completely clueless about Dawn and me. Dad was all right, making sure to
include us in activities like the Christmas party they threw together.
But, Kristi, she's the girlfriend, essentially ignored us the entire visit.
Oh, and get this, she picked out our presents for us from Dad. She bought
Dawn and me these expensive matching dresses and BOWS. I haven't worn a
bow since elementary school! Dad was at least sympathetic and let us
return the clothes on the sly. Let's just say that I got enough money from
the gift return to keep me in mochas for the rest of this school year and
next (and you know how I like my mochas)!
I felt a bit sorry for Mom who spent Christmas at her parents' house. Dawn
and I are planning on celebrating Christmas with Mom on New Years Day!
It'll be sorta like two holidays for the price of one. I'm looking forward
to it! We always cook up a big pot of black-eyed peas and sausage for good
luck in the new year and eat cabbage (blech!). The green is supposed to
guarantee money in the new year! I think I could do without that part of
the meal, especially because it never seems to work anyway. On the other
hand, if we didn't eat it, we could end up broke! Hmmm. Anyway, I'm
looking forward to being with Mom.
I'm sort of not sure how to respond to your last letter. I had an awesome
time while you were here! I truly did. Meeting you for the first time was
pretty cool. My friends were definitely in awe of your accent, especially
Aimee. *laughs* But, I have to admit that what you said about being more
than friends really scared me. There are several reasons for this, which
aren't worth going into. The most important thing to me is that I don't
lose your friendship. *sigh* I'm rather worried that when you read this,
you won't want to write me anymore.
P.S. I love the necklace! The cross is beautiful! I'm wearing it right
now as I'm writing this! Thank you so much!
* * *
2 January 2000
Oh, pet. My head is going to explode. I drank a bit too much last
night, and now I have the hangover from hell. Be glad you don't drink
much. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the price in the morning.
I attended a party thrown by some friends at a local pub. Being the
only one there dateless, my friends kept buying me beer. I turned down
half of them or gave them away, but then, guess who showed up? Yep, you're
right. Bloody Dru showed up with the wanker she cheated on me with. She
put on quite a show, rubbing all over him and sitting at my table.
Needless to say, I left the table pretty quickly. After that, I didn't
turn down any of the drinks. I think one of the guys drove me home after I
passed out. I've never done that before. . . passed out. Quite
frightening to have a chunk of your memory gone.
Woke up at noon or so to the doorbell pounding in my skull. Guess
who was on my doorstep? Yep. Dru again. This time, she pushed past me
into the house and sat on my sofa in the living area. She was crying. She
asked how I was doing, what I'd been up to. When I asked her why she was
crying, she wouldn't tell me. Then, she launched herself at me, trying to
snog me! I pushed her away and asked what the bloody hell she was doing!
She said that Thomas (the wanker) broke up with her last night. I told her
that I wasn't her table scraps and sent her out the door.
I don't know, pet. Part of me wanted to take her in my arms again,
to comfort her anyway possible. But, the other part of me wouldn't let me.
I suppose it's for the best although I feel the urge to call her right now
and check on her.
About what you wrote in the last letter about us, I'm not sure I
understand, pet. Why are you scared to be with me? I won't press you, but
as your friend, I'd like to know the reasons. Don't worry about hurting my
feelings. I can handle the truth. It's just that I feel I can be totally
honest with you. I want you to feel the same way. I don't want my little
bungle to destroy our friendship. Being able to be absolutely frank with
you is one of the best aspects of our relationship. I want you to be able
to be just as honest with me. Communication is important in any
relationship. And the way I see it, if we can communicate openly with one
another, we get practice at being open with another person. . . with the
person we end up with someday. Know what I mean?
I am so glad that you liked your present. I was a bit worried if you
would, but I showed it to your friend, Aimee, and she said you'd probably
like it. Hope your Christmas/New Year was wonderful!
Well, I better go. My head is going to split in half unless I lay
* * *
January 18, 2000
This is gonna be short cause I have to get ready for classes next
week, but I wanted to write you back before I got snowed in with
schoolwork. Book buying and tuition fees suck! Ugh!
First, the easy part to address: Dru. I know you still care an awful
lot about her. . . still love her. But wasn't it you who asked me
something similar to this: would taking her in your arms do you more harm
than good in the long run even if it comforted her and made you feel good
in the short run? I'm sorry that she's still bugging you. I wish I could
help. She's pretty self-righteous, barging in on you like that.
Second, I do agree with you about communication, and your friendship
means a lot to me. I don't ever want to lose it, so I'll do my best to be
honest. Gosh, this is hard. Reasons I don't think we'd work as a couple.
Well, please don't be angry, but your heavy drinking frightens me, and I
don't date smokers. I know that may be petty *cringes*, but those are my
standards. And I would never ask you to change those things. However, I
don't think those are the main reasons.
Really, the main thing is your continuing relationship with Dru. You still
have obvious feelings for her. I mean, who wouldn't after they've been
with someone and truly love him or her? I know that it took me a long time
to recover from what Timothy did to me. . . to deal with my fears and
doubts. In fact, I'm still dealing, which is another strike against you
and me. You need time to heal, and I don't like knowing I'm going into
something as a rebound girl. And I wouldn't want you to be the rebound guy
in my life. It's not that I wouldn't trust you if we did get together
because, Spike, I do trust you. A lot.
The final thing, I guess, is the distance between us. . . not
emotionally but physically. England is so far away! I mean, you haven't
mentioned coming back to the States for school, and I guess that's a
decision you shouldn't have to make right away.
Well, that's all I can think of to help you understand my reasoning.
I'll write about my Christmas/New Year this weekend! Right now, Willow
wants me to go grocery shopping with her, so we can stock the cabinets with
study food! Yum! Triscuits, ice cream, and hot chocolate are a must when
cramming for tests!
TBC. . . next up, 2001. . . sorry for the delay in this series! I got
stuck on where to go next, and I got caught up in other stories, but by
demand, I'm continuing it! *hugs* Thanks for the reviews! And don't give
up! B/S have a ways to go to form a lasting relationship.