Chapter I - Diamond Dust

When happiness ran . . .

Tears and dust were left behind . . .

All because of one man.

It was close to midnight as torrential rain pelted down on Quistis’s head, which made the burdens in her mind seem heavier than before.  She shivered once as she stepped out of the train station in Balamb and pulled at her coat collar to keep the chill wind from kissing her neck.  Quistis Trepe hadn’t expected weather such as this, but that couldn’t be helped.  She shifted her backpack to a more comfortable position and walked towards Balamb Garden.

Her mission at Esthar had been simple enough, perhaps too simple.  All she had to do was lead a team of SeeDs to guard Dr. Odine’s Laboratory for a week while he, a few scientists and his entire security crew went to conduct research at Tear’s Point.  Quistis hardly called it a mission.  She could’ve handled it herself without the other SeeDs, but Headmaster Cid insisted she take them so they could have an opportunity for more experience.  After several boring reports to the Headmaster, Quistis received permission from him to relieve her squad of their duties a few days early, which explained why she was heading back to Garden alone.

Alone . . . I’m always alone.  Nothing ever changes.

Before long, Quistis reached the Front Gate of the currently-stationary Garden.  It had only been a week but she missed it.  She strolled inside confidently and walked quickly towards her dorm.  Her feet made wet noises as she walked while water dripped from the tips of her hair and made a trail of droplets on the floor like the bread crumbs of the lost.

Once inside her dorm, she dropped her backpack on the floor and sighed.  Cid’s report can wait until tomorrow.  Quistis wanted a long shower.  Rainwater always made her skin feel sticky, and Quistis had the word ‘comfort’ written near the top of her mental list of favorite things.

After the shower, she changed into a simple and white cotton nightgown, blow-dried her long golden hair, and collapsed onto her soft bed only to stare at the ceiling.  One look at the clock on her small dresser told her it was late and that she should sleep, but she couldn’t.  She laid there and thought . . . about everything.

It had been three months after they had saved the world from Ultimecia’s reign of terror.  The world was at peace once again, as much peace as a world could have anyway.  Quistis had confronted Headmaster Cid one day and asked for the reinstatement of her Instructor’s License, and the scene was still fresh in her mind.

“Come in,” Cid Kramer beckoned Quistis inside his office.  She walked in with her usual confident stride.  “Have a seat, Quistis.  You wished to speak to me about something?”

“Yes, sir,” Quistis began, taking the offered seat.  “I would like to know if it’s possible to obtain my Instructor’s License again, sir.”

Cid rubbed his chin, exhaled through his nose and said, “Quistis, I’m afraid it’s not possible at the moment.  I’ve already brought this up at the last Garden executive meeting.  The board members have kept all your personal records and, frankly, they think that you do lack leadership skills, and even showed signs of favoritism toward particular students.  Unless they finally decide to listen to me, there’s not a very good chance of you getting your license again.  But since you were once an Instructor and you’ve had plenty of experience as a mercenary, you are now a Rank A SeeD.  That’s the best I can do for now.  I apologize, Quistis.”

Quistis’s heart sank and she knew better than to argue at this point.  Maybe if she didn’t let on that she was disappointed, they just might give her the license back.  After all, it really seemed as if they WANTED her to feel sad.  Quistis faked a smile.  “It’s all right, sir, I understand.”

Cid nodded.  “All right then.  You are dismissed.  Have a nice day, Miss Trepe.”

Quistis’s eyes closed.  “Have a nice day?”  That ruined my week.  Her utter disappointment had to be stopped short when she was sent on various missions, more than she could keep track of.  Perhaps it was Cid’s way of trying to get me to take my mind off that license and let me believe that I’m useful.

Her thoughts eventually drifted to the others.  Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Irvine, Zell . . .

Squall and Rinoa had been together for quite a while, resulting in commotion at Garden.  “A top-notch SeeD dating a sorceress!?” they would say, amazed.  But after time passed, everyone got used to it, including Quistis.  I never really ‘loved’ him anyway.  He’s just like my ‘brother’.  Because of his accomplishments in the war, Headmaster Cid had promoted Squall to Commander, so if anything were to happen to Cid, Squall would be in charge.  Squall didn’t seem to mind.  I wonder if he even cares.

Selphie had gotten the Garden Festival Committee up and running as soon as she had everything organized, and was quickly elected by other members of the committee to become the president, while Irvine (pulled into everything by Selphie unwillingly) was vice-president.  Irvine didn’t object anymore as time went on.  “I get to spend more time with my Selphie this way,” Irvine had once said with a wink while a blushing Selphie elbowed him in the ribs.

As for Zell, he wasn’t any different than he used to be, except he actually began to notice things other than hot dogs: the library staff.  Quistis never pictured Zell to be another Irvine, but she always caught him chatting to some of the ladies at the front desk of the library.  It seemed as if the Ultimecia incident had given him some kind of courage he never had before.  Not long after, he found himself a girlfriend whom he really liked: a cute but rather shy girl who always had her shoulder-length hair in a pigtail.  Her name was Lydia, I think.

It was only typical that they were all paired off in some way while Quistis was still left single.  She actually preferred to remain single: no relationship hassles, no commitments, and no worrying about hurting anyone.  Sure, there were the Trepies, but Quistis knew they would never have the nerve to talk to her any time soon.  Even if they did, she would turn them down.  Though she was no longer an Instructor, those very same Trepies still admired her for her intellect and calm demeanor.  She’d give them a wave or a pleasant hello whenever they addressed her in the hallways, but the stoic expression she so often wears rarely came off her beautifully serious face.

A sudden noise in the hallway made Quistis snap out of her thoughts.  She lifted her head.  Footsteps . . . who could be up at this time of night?  She waited until the footsteps faded away and lowered her head back down to her pillow.  Quistis tried to quit thinking like an Instructor — really, she did — but sometimes she just couldn’t help herself.  I hope it wasn’t a student out of bed.  Breaking curfew so close to exam time isn’t too good for them.  Surely, they would’ve been caught if the Disciplinary Committee was still around.

The Disciplinary Committee.  She hadn’t thought of them in a long time.  I wonder where they could possibly be right now.  Fujin, Raijin and . . . Seifer.  She sighed.  Not that I should care, but I’m concerned about him.  What if he’s getting into trouble again?  He was my student, after all . . . my favorite student.  Quistis had realized that out of all her students, it was Seifer whom she admired the most.

Seifer, not Squall.

Quistis had liked Squall because he gave her the least trouble.  He didn’t give her anything at all, come to think of it.  Squall was an introverted, anti-social boy who kept to his textbooks and studied hard, always thinking but never talking.

Seifer, on the other hand, preferred the hands-on approach to learning, and knew that direct experience and knowledge could not be obtained through textbooks alone (not that he didn’t read his textbooks either).  Quistis had seen him at the library once or twice extremely close to curfew.  She figured that Seifer was sure no one could catch him being such a bookworm that late at night.  She saw how he would be very careful while turning the pages to minimize sound so that attention wouldn’t be drawn to him.  Quistis smiled at the memory.  He was such a fine young man, even if he was arrogant.  Always passed my written tests, and yet the field exams were always no good.  Quistis sometimes wondered what good the hands-on approach really did, but of course, everything always narrowed down to one key point: he couldn’t — no, wouldn’t follow orders.

Seifer . . . I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.  Unlikely.  Besides, why would he want to see his mediocre ex-Instructor?

Early the next morning at 0730 hours, Quistis made her way to Cid’s office with her mission report in one hand with the other hand swinging naturally by her side as she walked.  She arrived to see Xu doing some paper work.

“Good morning, Xu,” Quistis greeted.

“Hi, Quistis,” Xu replied, “you can go right in.  The Headmaster is expecting you.”

“Thank you, Xu.”  Quistis headed toward the office doors that led to the Headmaster.

Quistis, Quistis, Quistis . . . always the polite one.  Xu thought with a smile, and returned to the drone of her computer monitor.

“ . . . went smoothly.  Dr. Odine was very happy with everything by the time he returned and even commented that he wished he had SeeDs as his security guards instead of the current team he has,” Quistis finished.

Cid seemed more than satisfied.  “Very good, Quistis.  You always come back from a mission with positive results.  I must say that I’m very impressed.”

“Thank you, sir,” Quistis said with a nod.  He normally doesn’t compliment me.  I wonder what he’s up to.

As if he had read Quistis’ mind, Cid answered, “Quistis, remember that small conversation we had about two months ago?”  He didn’t wait for her answer and continued, “Well, I talked to the Garden executives recently at a meeting and . . . ”  He sighed.

“What is it, sir?”

“I know you really want your old job back.  You seem unhappy about not teaching.  I talked to them and they still won’t let you have your license back.  But I give you my word that I’ll keep trying.  As long as it takes, Quistis.  You’re like my daughter.  Edea and I . . . we love you very much.  It hurts us to see you unhappy.”

Well, at least SOMEONE cares about me.  “Thank you, sir, but I’ll be fine,” Quistis lied.

Cid sighed again.  “I’m really sorry, Quistis, but there’s nothing much anyone can do at the moment.  That’s all I have to say for now.  You are dismissed.”

Quistis walked out of the office with eyes more downcast than usual.  She pondered to herself as she tapped the down button of the elevator.  What’s the use of him trying again?  The executives rarely change their minds, if ever.

The elevator doors weren’t far from Xu’s desk, so Xu noticed something different about Quistis and asked, “Quistis?  Is something wrong?”

Quistis turned her head back to look at Xu and gave the girl a quick smile.  “I’m fine, Xu, don’t worry.”  Quistis stepped into the waiting elevator and decided to visit the Training Centre.  She wanted to calm herself by hurting a couple of unfortunate monsters . . .

After a few Grats and Raldos (and drawing from them to stock up on some spells), Quistis got tired of fighting.  She was lucky she didn’t run into any T-Rexaurs; she really didn’t feel like dealing with them today.  Quistis coiled the Save the Queen around her slim waist and strode towards her dorm.

Is this all my life is now?  Training, missions, sleep and wake, eat, and report back to the Headmaster with mission reports?

How boring.

Quistis Trepe, I’m disappointed in you.