Disclaimer: I don't own Valkyrie Profile; Enix does. Don McLean wrote the lyrics to American Pie. All I own is the computer, keyboard, and Microsoft. Bwa haha. Insert suckiness rating in your reviews.

Valkyrie Pie
by Al Kristopher

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that Lucian used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make that Lenneth dance
And maybe she'd be happy for a while.
But Frigid Damsel made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about Celia's pride
But something touched me deep inside
The day that Lucian died

So bye-bye, get some Valkyrie Pie
Lezard Valeth made some homunculi
And them good old boys were drinking elixir and rye
Singing I'll go to Valhalla when I die,
Go to Valhalla when I die…

Did you write the Tome of Love
And do you have faith in Odin above
If Nanami tells you so
Do you believe that Gandar is old
Can Lenneth save your mortal soul
And can Lezard teach me how to laugh real slow
Well, I know that he's in love with her
Cause I saw her dancing with Lucian, sir
They both kicked off their shoes
Man, I dig those Einherjar blues
Lezard was a lonely teenage buck
With a Lolita complex and a desire to… screw!
And he knew that he was full of luck
The day that Lucian died
He started singing

Bye-bye, get some Valkyrie Pie
Lezard Valeth made some homunculi
And them good old boys were drinkin' elixir and rye
Singin' I'll go to Valhalla when I die,
Go to Valhalla when I die…

Now for ten Chapters they've been on their own
And Jelanda grew up in her castle home
But that's not how it used to be
When Shiho sang for the King and Queen
In a coat she borrowed from Janus it seemed
And a voice that came from you and me
Oh, and while Belenus was looking down
Badrach stole his precious crown
Vilnore was aghast
At the lecherous man's past
And while Kashell fought and Aelia barked,
Grey and Brams practiced in the park
And Shiho sang dirges in the dark
The day that Lucian died
We were singing

Bye-bye, get some Valkyrie Pie
Lezard Valeth made some homunculi
And them good old boys were drinkin' elixir and rye
Singin' I'll go to Valhalla when I die,
Go to Valhalla when I die…

Lorenta Prewder was Mystina's tutor
Genevieve flew off with a lustful suitor
Eight miles high and falling fast
She landed foul out on her… bottom!
Arngrim tried for a Finishing Blow
With Yumei on the sidelines with Suo
Now the Ragnarok air was sweet perfume
With samurai Jun wielding a Masamune
We all got up to fight
Oh, but we never saw the light
Cause the Vanir tried to take the field
The Aesir army refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day that Lucian died
We started singing

Bye-bye, get some Valkyrie Pie
Lezard Valeth made some homunculi
And them good old boys were drinkin' elixir and rye
Singin' I'll go to Valhalla when I die,
Go to Valhalla when I die…

Oh, and there we were all in the Seraphic Gate
A generation lost in hate
With no time left to start again
So come on, Jayle be nimble, Jayle be quick
The sight of Magnus made her sick
Cause fire is Loki's only friend
Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in Hell
Could break that Loki's spell
And as the Dragon Orb climbed into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Loki laughing with delight
The day that Lucian died
He was singing

Bye-bye, get some Valkyrie Pie
Lezard Valeth made some homunculi
And them good old boys were drinkin' elixir and rye
Singin' I'll go to Valhalla when I die,
Go to Valhalla when I die…

I met Lyseria who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just sighed and turned away
I went down to the Weeping Field
Where I'd seen Lenneth's spirit yield
But the ghost there said that Loki won the day
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three deities I admire most
Odin, Freya and Platina's Ghost
They caught the last carriage for the coast
The day that Lucian died
And they were singing
Bye-bye, get some Valkyrie Pie
Lezard Valeth made some homunculi,
Them good old boys were drinking elixir and rye
Singin' I'll go to Valhalla when I die

Go to Valhalla when I die…