Disclaimer: I only own the idea and a huge obsession with the books. Please don't sue me.

_Chapter One_

_Insomnia_

When Remus Lupin looked in the mirror, he saw a pair of eyes, streaked with madness, dull and wild, bloodshot -- his own eyes. The eyes of a man in his thirties who'd just woken up from yet another nightmare. But also the eyes of a carnivore, a predator, an abomination. The eyes of a creature too fierce to exist.

The wolf inside him was filled with malice, a deliberate spite beneath hunger. It was the conscious evil that made it a Dark Creature.

Remus shivered and blinked, and the eyes became less prominent. Now he could see the face they were set in, and it wasn't exactly a joy to look at. Thin and hideously pale, he didn't think he'd ever looked quite this bad before. His amber eyes looked enormous: no wonder they had seemed to be his only feature for a few seconds. Flyaway light-brown hair fell haphazardly across his forehead, prematurely streaked with grey.

He scowled and turned away from the mirror. He wouldn't be able to sleep now, so instead he sought out the book that was beginning to become an obsession. He had bought it six months ago on one of his infrequent trips to Diagon Alley, and he had bought it for only one reason: it had the recipe for Wolfsbane Potion in it.

He didn't need the bookmark any more. It fell open at the right page at once, easily, simply because he'd opened it there so many times. He knew every word on this page by heart, but he couldn't help looking at it at least once a day, just in case the potion miraculously became less complex.

"Perhaps I can make it," he said aloud, and doubtfully. "If Severus Snape can..."

But Severus Snape was undeniably brilliant at potion-making. Remus had never been particularly strong in that area, only good enough to get decent marks in the Hogwarts end of term exams, rather than excelling as Snape had.

"You might be clever, Lupin, but you just don't have the talent to be anything more than satisfactory in *this* subject," Snape had said, vindictive pleasure glowing in his black eyes.

"Yes, Snape, you beat me there, at least," Remus said wearily to his memory.

There was a banging on the door. Remus slammed the book shut and jumped to his feet, heart pounding. For a moment he had the wild, irrational notion that the Ministry had come to lock him up, along with other dangerous magical creatures. But that was ridiculous. They only did that to werewolves who had bitten someone.

All the same, he grabbed is wand before going to the door and opening it a crack.

"For God's sake, Moony, let me in! It's freezing out here!"

Sirius Black. Remus gave a wry smile as he opened the door.

"Sirius, it's not freezing. Mild and fragrant, more like."

Sirius shrugged and pushed past him. "Someone might see me."

"We're in the middle of nowhere," Remus said impatiently, then sighed. "Well, I'm glad to see you, my friend. Do you want a cup of tea?"

"It'd be nice," Sirius said, shrugging his cloak off and draping it over a chair. "I've got a lot to tell you."

***

An hour later, the two were both sitting in silence over half-empty cups of cold tea. Remus was the first to speak.

"Harry doesn't deserve this," he said in a low voice. "After everything that happened last year, I'd hoped there'd be a rest for him."

"No such luck," Sirius said sadly. "They'll be plaguing him until Voldemort is completely gone and all his followers locked up in... well, you know where. He wasn't born for a quiet life. Not being who he was -- and still is."

"If James and Lily were -- "

"But they're not," Sirius interrupted, his voice fierce. "James and Lily are dead, Remus. We're Harry's family now. It's our job to protect him."

Remus sat back, nodding and rubbing his eyes vigorously. For the first time, Sirius noticed just how ill his friend looked.

"So how have you been?" he asked weakly.

Remus gave a small smile. "Moping, pining, sinking into the deepest pits of despair and self-pity, getting hideously depressed, but otherwise, not bad." He leaned forward, resting his chin on one hand. "I loved teaching, Sirius," he said quietly. "It was the best thing that ever happened to me, being offered a job. One year thinking I finally had a chance to be... something... and then I was back here, doing housework the Muggle way because it makes the days go more quickly."

Sirius stared at him helplessly. "I don't understand people. This isn't fair on you. You're a talented wizard, Moony, and clever, too, but -- "

"I'm a werewolf," Remus said flatly. "People do not want a werewolf working for them."

"You're only a werewolf for one night a month," Sirius growled.

"No, Sirius, I'm a werewolf every minute of every day. The wolf is always there, even now. It's just dormant. If I didn't fight it down, I could attack anyone."

"But you never have."

"No," Remus said wearily. "I never have."

There was a silence. Then Sirius noticed the book, still lying out on the table. "What's this?" he asked, drawing it over to him.

"It's nothing," Remus said hastily, but too late. Sirius flipped the book open and it fell, of course, on the page that included Wolfsbane Potion.

"Oh," said Sirius thoughtfully.

"It's just wishful thinking. I know I'll never be able to make that potion."

Sirius cleared his throat. "Moony, who was the best in our year at Potions?"

"Severus Snape."

"I maintain that he cheated," Sirius said with dignity. "But apart from him, *I* was the top of the year. And now that I'm here..."

A faint ray of hope began to appear in Remus's mind. "You think you could? You haven't done any magic for a long time."

"It's like flying a motorbike," Sirius replied with an easy smile. "You never forget. Just get me the ingredients and I'll do what I can."

o-0-o

_A Note From The Author_

This started off as a short story, possibly a Remus angst fic, but out of nowhere, it has gained a plot and potential -- and chapters, the most important feature of stories with length. You may have guessed already that I love Remus -- he's my favourite character. I have big plans for him in this... :)

Oh yes, and about Remus's eyes. I actually don't think they're amber. I think they're grey. But I make them amber for the purpose of storytelling.

As ever, please do review, even if you hated it. I generally review back, if you need incentive...

Olly

(Mop Head and her Daemon)