I saw Captain Kirk kissing Santa Claus, On the bridge of the Enterprise last night. I'd just gone on my shift, So I hopped on the turbolift. When the doors slid open, My heart was frozen. How I wished I could shape-shift.

Oh, I saw Captain Kirk seduce Santa Claus, And held him in his arms so warm and tight. We've all heard those rumors before, But only now did I believe, When I saw Captain Kirk kissing Santa Claus last night.