A/N: My darling Katalyst and I had a verrry interesting conversation one
night a few months back, and thusly this little fic was born. So no, I'm
not the only scary one around here. Blame her too. Yaoi, something
vaguely like a cross between pedophilia and bestiality, and (cue screams of
horror) HET! Oh dear God, the HUMANITY!
Hey everybody, guess what! This is the hundredth fic that Sunfreak has
posted on ff.net! *sparkles* Meaning that it's number one of one hundred
in my listing! Until I update all those multi-chapter ones sitting below
it, anyway. ^_^;; However! This here remains mah 100th baby. *cuddles
Sooo . . . beso, Katalyst! This one's for you, for being so "you," and for
beloved Cousin Anie, who got me to start posting here to begin with.
*ignores the irony of dedicating a pure fluff fic to the queens of angst
and checks the calendar* Dang, have I really only been at this since July?
"The Wedding of Shippou and Kirara"
The bride was resplendent in her white dress, provided by an old doll of
Kagome's, and the dashing young groom worn a fine kimono Miroku had
snitched from the last house he'd raided- er, "exorcised." Ahem. Moving
on . . .
Young Shippou's eyes shone with joy as his bride stalked down the aisle,
looking not unlike she was about to eat him (though that was to be saved
for the wedding NIGHT). He could still recall the moment he had proposed
as clearly as if he were living it all over again. He had simply been
unable to contain his feelings any longer, and thrown himself down on one
knee before the full-sized Kirara with an impassioned cry of "Marry me, my
Of course, no one could refuse such a romantic gesture as a public proposal
(and certainly not from such an adorable and cuddly youkai), so Kirara had
swept him up in her paws and ravished him quite happily (remember children,
you cannot rape the willing!) while the others watched with varying degrees
of shock or, in Miroku's case, interest and a notepad.
And now the wedding day was finally here, and Kohaku the undead ring-
bearer, Rin the (sort of) undead flower girl, and the bridesmaids, all
three lovely in orange taffeta, had each completed their march down the
aisle. The middle bridesmaid was smiling quite charmingly, but the two
flanking said smiler seemed rather disgruntled, as Inu-Yasha appreciated
neither the make-up nor the effects of the portable curling iron that
Kagome had taken to his hair, and Sesshoumaru was especially annoyed by the
dress. Prior to the day of the wedding, he had been unaware of exactly
what taffeta was, and had simply assumed it to be something that Miroku
could eat off of his naked body.
Unfortunately for him, this was not the case, and he, Miroku, and Inu-Yasha
had all been, for lack of a less graphic term, "primped" without mercy by
the best man (Kagome, of course), and Sango and Kouga, the ever-loving
groomsmen (much to Kouga's sadistic delight). Which all resulted in
Sesshoumaru wearing stiletto heels and looking very much like he might like
to murder someone, and if it weren't for the fact that it might muss up his
hair he would have acted upon said impulse hours ago. If he changed his
mind, however, Kouga and the girls had assured that he would look
absolutely stunning whilst mauling his victim of choice (not that he didn't
always look stunning, judging by how often he and Miroku went at it and how
obsessively Naraku and Jaken conspired to peep in on his baths.).
Kaede had been nice enough to arrange the ceremony despite the fact that it
and its guests went against her religion at least fifty-seven different
ways from Sunday (Kagome had lost count at that point in the old woman's
lecture, and the others had lost interest long before then anyway). Naraku
kindly graced them with his presence and would spend a great deal of the
reception going "ku ku ku" and sending golems to steal Inu-Yasha's food or
flip up Sesshoumaru's skirt. Miroku would of course save his youkai
boyfriend with his big jingly stick; thusly turning said boyfriend on and
therefore being well rewarded for his trouble. Inu-Yasha's ramen would be
"saved" by Kagome, and she would quite cruelly refuse to return it until he
allowed her to pin his hair up again.
But first, Shippou and Kirara had to actually get married, so the ever-
disgruntled Kikyou took up her place before them and began to recite the
usual clichéd speech about "'til death or shape-shifting youkai do you
part", immensely grateful not to be marrying off Kagome and Inu-Yasha (yet,
at least). Hojou of the now-infamous Class B sat in the front row for
reasons unexplained, oblivious to the feudal world at large and beaming
naively at the scary-but-sexy dead chick.
Said scary-but-sexy dead chick couldn't help but notice this and
"accidentally" flip her robe off one shoulder, thusly giving both Inu-Yasha
and Naraku simultaneous nosebleeds and causing Hojou to blink in innocent
surprise and offer to buy her a nice new shirt, or at least some manner of
a brooch to keep the one she had fastened while Kagome "osuwari"-ed poor
Inu-Yasha six feet into the ground.
Kikyou gave Hojou a dubious look and fixed it, sighing mentally about how
when SHE was alive, little boys appreciated the sight of a half-naked
woman. Somewhat put out, she finished her little ditty and announced, "You
may now suck face and screw to your heart's content," then kidnapped
innocent little Hojou with an evil cackle.
No one was particularly inclined to save him and get their good clothes
dirty, though Miroku idly remarked that he would've enjoyed seeing exactly
how long the boy would keep that innocent and untarnished aura after he and
Sesshoumaru were through with him. Incidentally, said aura was a complete
façade, a fact discovered by a certain walking graveyard about the same
time she figured out what we all already know.
Say it with me, kids: You can't rape the willing!
So while Kikyou and Hojou fucked- um, shared an intimate and meaningful
courtship and legal matrimony, THEN fucked- everyone else trotted off for
cake. Except for Miroku and Sesshoumaru, who also wanted to experience an
"intimate and meaningful courtship and legal matrimony," and Kirara and
Shippou, who already WERE married and thusly could suck face and screw to
their heart's content without making the poor dubbers scream "blasphemy!"
And lo, it was good. Until Naraku got wasted, caught the bouquet, and
decided to propose to Sesshoumaru on the spot, thus pissing even the uber-
happy Miroku off and inadvertently reminding everyone that no, he had NOT
been invited and yes, they HAD been planning to kill him off as soon as
possible anyway. Cue the fight scene and much "accidental" groping of poor
So Naraku was mortally wounded via a slice of wedding cake and
Sesshoumaru's Fluffy Tail O' Death (don't think too hard on the logistics,
children, you'll just get a headache), and everyone went off to celebrate
with a big ol' orgy- I mean, intimate and meaningful courtship and legal
matrimony. Then the big ol' orgy.
And so they all lived happily ever after (yeah, even the dead ones).
Except for baka Naraku, which just made everybody else even happier. La.
* ende *
. : review. la : .