Disclaimer: FFVIII belongs to Squaresoft.. blah, blah, blah...
Warnings: just bad language and some violence in this chapter, but yaoi
(Seifer x Squall) later...
God, help me.
I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like... I was suffocating. Like I was a
caged animal with absolutely no fucking way out. I seemed like everyone was
tugging on me really hard and wouldn't let go until I broke. That's what I
was close to doing, breaking. It hurt me to open up to anyone who tried to
pry me open. It hurt me so much to even be in the presence of others. My
crazy psycho doctor called it "Schizoid Personality Disorder". I hardly
even talked to her during our sessions. Stupid bitch. Sometimes, I think
she's the fucking loony, not me.
My attempt to stay hidden in my own shadow didn't exactly come natural. It
unfortunately happened as a result of the people I truly poured out my
heart for, leaving me in one way or another--be it my mother dying before I
even got to know her, or my father dumping me off at an orphanage-- so I
figured if I keep to myself, I'd never have an excuse to let anyone
anywhere near me or my heart. That way, I'd at least be able to keep the
least bit of control over my burning desire to kill myself.
Laguna decided to come back in my life just three years ago, when I was
fourteen. He knew right off that I'd be pissed at him, but he tried to be
there for me anyway. He worries about me and he thinks I don't care for him-
- I do, well, I try at least.... a little. He often asks me if I'd be
better off if he would have just went back to whatever fucking rock he
crawled out from under and I'd always give him the same quiet and confused
stare. He's the one who now forced me to talk to a psychiatrist, (e.i.
shrink), saying I need to 'sort out my feelings'. He sent me off to collage
when he decided that I needed some real friends to talk to, not just my
head. Friends? Fuck that! It's the last thing I needed.
College wasn't much better, either. Students constantly bothered me,
calling themselves wanting to get to know me. They'd get really pissed when
I'd just sit and stare at them, or not even acknowledge the fact that
they'd be trying to get my attention. At first, I found it hard to
concentrate on my thoughts with all the irritation going on around me.
That's all I have now is myself. I gets kind of boring after a long while
of thinking all the time, and sometimes, I did wish I had the willpower to
make friends, but there is always that warning playing over and over again
in the back of my head. Because of that mental tape recorder, I've been
able to remain friendless for seventeen years and counting, but sometimes,
even if for only a moment, it hurt to listen others whispering as I walked
down the halls.
"Hey Amanda, that guy's a fucking psychopath," a guy on my right was saying
rather loudly to the girl next to him.
"Who, Squall? Well, I don't think so," Amanda sighed, shrugging her small
shoulders slightly. "Brent, you're so fucking stupid."
"Yeah, you won't be saying that when he shoots your ass," He smirked and
pointed at her forehead. "Right through your puny little brain."
"Oh, yeah? Well, we'll see about that," she said, walking over to me. "Hi,
what's your name?" I stared for a few seconds and listened to her cheerful
"Squall," I answered slowly, not really wanting to make myself seem any
more unfriendly than I already did.
"Well, I'm Amanda," she said, extending a hand. I put my hand in hers and
shook it. "So, what class do you have next, Squall?"
"I-- uhh, Physics," I said, taking my books out of my locker.
"Miss Trepe's afternoon class?"
"Oh, so you're the one who scored a 120 on last week's test."
"Umm.. I guess..."
"Well--" She was cut off when Brent cleared his throat loudly.
"I see we've been making a new friend, Amanda?"
"I--I was only-- I," she stammered
"I'm not her friend," I said sharply. He turned, narrowing his eyes at me.
"What, do you think you're too good for her or something?"
"Whatever," I sighed, practically slamming my locker shut. I turned without
speaking and made my way to my next class. Amanda's kind of..... charming,
unlike the Brent guy....Wait, charming? I gotta stop doing that. Before I
know it, I'll be friends with everyone in the whole goddamned school.
Walking into the classroom, I smirked at the thought. I took a seat in the
back of the classroom and waited for the day's lesson to commence. Not just
five minutes after the tardy bell rang, Seifer Almasy strolled into the
room, late as a mother fucker. Miss Trepe looked up from her book.
"My, my, Mr. Almasy. Late again, I see." He visibly cringed.
"Sorry, Trepe, it won't happen again." He squeezed over to an empty seat in
the back, four seats away from where I sat.
"Mr. Almasy! You said that yesterday and the day before that! When is your
constant tardiness going to cease?" She yelled, impatient. He muttered
something under his breath, but I couldn't hear him. The students closest
to him giggled.
"What was that?" She slammed her discipline baton hard on her desk, causing
everyone to jump.
"Nothing, Miss Trepe. I'm sorry for the disturbance," he said, settling
down in his chair.
"OK then," she said and the whole class turned back around. "OK, class. Who
knows what it means to love?" Hands flew up. "Now class, this is an unusual
topic to discuss in a Physics class, but I've always wanted to know what
younger people thought about the subject. I want to give you all time to
think about it carefully." She moved around behind her desk and took her
seat. "I want each student to write out a three page essay to be turned in
to me in three weeks. You all may come up with your own titles, but I want
the essay to based on your own true feelings and opinions. I will allow you
all a chance to start on it now we all will have a read around-slash-
discussion on the topic. You may begin."
I looked down at the blank paper on my desk and gripped the pen tightly in
my hand. I didn't know a damn thing about love. What kind of whack
assignment is this? The closest I've ever even come to 'love' is Seifer
Almasy. Yes, Seifer Almasy. I wasn't as easily able to push these feelings
away as I was with everyone else, and I fucking hate it. I thought that
maybe it I ignored it, it'd go away. I was dead wrong. So, I've found
myself attracted to him since I first saw him in the cafeteria a year ago
fucking with that overly energetic kid, Zell.
'I bet you'd like that, hunh?' he teased, deep throating a hot-dog wiener
he had clutched in his fist.
'STOP IT, YOU ASSHOLE.'
'Aww, baby. I'm just getting started.' He moved the meat rapidly in and out
of his mouth.
'That's it!' Zell bellowed, throwing himself at Seifer, making them both
tumble to the ground.
It made me hot just thinking about it. What I wouldn't give to have those
lips wrapped around my cock. He looked up at me from his magazine and
smirked. I blushed and turned away when I noticed I was staring at him. I
could see him out of the corner of my eye still smiling at me. I stared at
my lap for a long while until he looked away. I looked up at the clock and
saw that we still had at least thirty minutes left. I started doodling on
the paper and before I knew it, the bell rang. I gathered my books and
headed to my dorm room only to run into Brent and two of his jock friends
on the way. I noticed that Amanda was nowhere near.
"Well, well, well. Lookie here, boys. It's 'whatever' boy," he taunted,
pushing my shoulder, causing my books to fall. Whatever boy? Dear God....
"Don't fucking touch me," I said sharply, picking up my belongings. I
looked up when Brent wedged his big foot over my books, holding them down
"Grab him, boys." My upper arms were grabbed tightly and I was forced
against the wall, my feet dangling above the ground. Brent put his face
near mine and poked me in the head. Hmm, he seemed to like doing that. "If
you ever, ever diss my girlfriend in front of anybody like that again, I
will personally rip out your intestines and stuff it down your godamned
throat and watch you choke to death."
"Whatever," I said drolly. Brent moved to punch me in the stomach, hard. I
squeezed my eyes shut, holding in a groan as pain radiated throughout my
body. The two assholes beside me dropped me roughly. I looked up to see
three shadows stalking away, their harsh laughter ringing in my ears. Why
won't they just leave me the fuck alone. The bitch talked to me first. I
needed to be alone. I needed to get out. I needed to get away. Problem is,
I don't have a car.
I sprinted to the faculty parking lot, knowing that there were no cameras
looking over the area, and I'd easily be able to at least hot wire one.
Since it was dark, I was easily ably to slip across from the dorm to where
the cars were parked. I slipped through the gates and went over to the
nearest car-- a black Volkswagen. I didn't want to break any windows. The
idea was to steal a car, drive ANYWHERE to find solitude, and then return
the car in less than two hours. I went through about six cars before I
found one with the windows rolled all the way down. It was an old looking
car. Oh, well. Hope the shit still runs.
I unlocked the door from the inside then reached up under the dashboard,
tripping over some loose wires. I held a yellow and blue wire together and
listened as the car started loudly. Closing the door, I stepped on the gas.
This was one loud fucking car. Hearing faint footsteps, I accidentally
removed my foot from the brakes and took off through the parking lot.
"Hey! What the hell do you thing you're doing in my car?" I heard someone
yell. I turned to see Seifer running toward the car. I didn't notice that I
was in the middle of a turn until I slammed into the wall, stooping
abruptly. I heard the footsteps running closer to the vehicle and I picked
my head up off the steering wheel and squinted my eyes at the figure above
me, my face throbbing. I felt blood on my forehead. "Squall?"
"I'm sorry," I whispered weakly, opening the door.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yelled again, hysterical. I
only walked pass him, groaning. I gasped as he roughly caught my wrist,
yanking me so that I faced him. He forced an arm around to hold my back and
he sneered at me. "Answer me, godamnit!" he snarled.
I cringed, the pain in my head overtaking me and looked away. I felt his
finger painfully digging into my arms and back "I...I needed t-to get
away..." I struggled to release myself from him, but he wouldn't let go.
"And fuck up my car in the process?" he bellowed. I looked up at him, my
eyes burning with tears.
"I'm sorry....." I whispered again.
"You're sorry?" he laughed loudly, causing me to flinch. "You just killed
my grandfather's fucking car!"
"I'm sorry....." His grandfather's car?
"Stop saying you're sorry, because I know you're not!" He looked at me for
a moment, then flung my body to the ground. "You know what? I won't fucking
sweat it. I'm going to the police." When he started to walk away, I
"Wait!" He turned. I knew I looked pathetic, sitting back on my feet,
looking up at him desperately. "Please, Seifer. Don't. I'm sorry. I'll do
"Fuck you! There's nothing you can do! You're going to fucking pay." He
turned again and I ran up around to block the entrance.
"Please, I'll give you anything. Just don't say anything, please." He was
looking at me calmly, now. I pleaded with him silently to forgive me,
poking my bottom lip out just slightly and trembling. He brought his hand
up and gently touched my tear streaked face. I closed my eyes and sighed.
"You'll give me anything..." He trailed off.
"Yes," I said lowly.
I felt his hand move around to clutch my bottom. My eyes popped open. He
lowered his mouth to my ear and licked it, flicking my earlobe with his
tongue. "This is what I want." He whispered gruffly.
I lowered my head and sighed. "Yes."
He moved so that he could see my face. "From this day on until further
notice, you are mine."
"Yes," I whispered regretfully.
"And you are to be my slave and servant. You are to address me only as
'sir' and 'master'. Do you understand?"
"Answer me properly, slave," He pushed.
"Look at me." I couldn't meet his eyes as the tears cascaded down my
cheeks. "Look at me!" He said more firmly. When I looked up at him, he
dried his eyes roughly with his thumb. "You are not to speak unless you are
spoken to or unless I ask you to. You are to obey and serve me however I
wish. Is that understood?"
"Good. Now, I am willing to forgive you for what you did and you will be
released from me when my hunger is fulfilled. Come, now, slave. There's
much to learn."
(to be continued)
A/N: I know what you're thinking. but I had to get the whole Squall POV
thing out of the way first, ya know, explaining the situation and all, ya
know? Sooo? Yes? No? Don't give a shit? Lemme know!.... thx.