Disclaimer: mou…we've been through this before and I still don't own Inu-Yasha. I don't own the song I'm With You by Avril Lavigne either – I'm lucky enough to own a CD.
Author's notes: I'm mostly doing this in response of a fan…yeah, I have one fan – I think…I could be mistaken. Anyway, I was asked to write more Inu-Yasha and this is kind of a filler while I work on the bigger stuff.
Warnings: OOC, angst…if you can call it that

I'm With You

*by JeiC

It's late and I'm still awake – eyes closed and listening to the sleeping sounds of the others. I may not have as sensitive of hearing as a youkai or even a hanyou for that matter, but in the dead silence of the night even I can make out the distinctive sounds that each slumbering body makes. Shippou and Kirara snuggle closest to the dieing ambers although remain not far from Sango in the small room. Kaede sleeps between the huntress and Miroku – we've been woken up a few too many times to his wandering hand. I wonder if he's actually awake when he does it or if his hand is just magnetically attracted to poor Sango's bottom. I'm going for the excuse that it's such an ingrained behavior that it's become a sort of reflex.
Sighing in my mind, I come to realize that speculating on such things is not going to help me sleep any faster. As silently as I can manage I slide out of my sleeping bag and leave the small hut. I'm not entirely sure where Inu-Yasha is, but I'm pretty sure he's probably sleeping in the Sacred Tree – he sleeps there so often when we're back in the village that it's practically a given. I guess after being sealed there for fifty years by Kikyou means something to him.
Kikyou…not a topic to help calm my active mind. I almost understand her claim on Inu-Yasha, but at the same time, I don't understand it at all. It wasn't his fault – none of it was. Only a convenient face for Naraku to use to gain the Shikon no Tama and Kikyou. Okay, so maybe he got neither in the end, but the idea is still the same.
Leaning back against the post of the gate, I more audibly sigh – I've got to stop this now. Perhaps a nice walk will help calm my nerves. So on the presumption that Inu-Yasha is sleeping in that tree, I walk along a circular path around what I think are the limits of his enhanced senses of hearing and smell. Maybe I want him to find me as I know I must be skirting the edges of his perception.

I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought you'd be here by now

Glancing up at the sky, I find myself disappointed by the clouds hiding the stars and the moon from my view. They're so pretty out here without the lights of the city to wash them out – light pollution is something that I'm pretty sure that none of them have ever had to know. Well, correction, Inu-Yasha has seen it in my time, but he never commented on it.
Flinching it takes me a moment to realize that it has started to rain. I don't want to leave yet – I want to wait a little longer. For who or what I don't know. The clear night air makes me want to stay here.
The intensity of the droplets slowly increases the longer I wait out here. Maybe I'm waiting for a sign as to what I should do. I've fallen so deeply in love with Inu-Yasha, but he's still hung up on Kikyou. Kikyou, Kikyou, Kikyou…I'm sick of her – why did she have to be resurrected into that forsaken shell? Why can't he see me?

There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

I can barely distinguish my hot tears from the cold rain. I stay with him because he needs someone to detect the shards, but why can't Kikyou do that? She belongs in this era – not me. I belong in my time studying for my high school entrance exams and going to school. I'd say going on dates with Hojou, but after meeting Inu-Yasha, I don't find him as interesting or as cute.
Oh my gosh! I did not think what I just thought, did I? Ugh…why me?
At some point my feet had decided that standing on the bridge wasn't the best of places to keep warm and now I'm not quite sure where I am. Should I turn around and try to retrace my steps or wait? I will probably only end up becoming more lost so I guess I'll just keep going – if I'm going to be lost, I might as well be really lost. I know, I don't understand my logic either.

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come to take me home

Rubbing at my arms through my sleeves, I suddenly wish I had thought to grab a sweatshirt from my pack. I don't think that the cold I feel is all due to the temperature. No one has noticed my absence yet I suppose and for some reason that makes it seem that much colder.
I guess I'll always be alone in this era – I mean, they're all like family to me, but I really don't fit in. The future girl is what I am – my knowledge is lacking when it comes to the people and demons of this time and am forced to rely upon the others to be able to get us through. I'm even becoming detached from my own time. News and events are always at least a week old when I finally do hear it and schoolwork…forget it, I'm never going to catch up.

Its a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life

I've spent all this time jumping through the well and I still can't seem to juggle the two times. Why couldn't I have just stayed the normal teenage girl who just happened to live in a shrine? I think I'm going to blame Buyo for getting me into this mess…or maybe Souta for being such a chicken about going to get him.
Sighing again, I start dancing as I walk to a tune that I've had stuck in my head all day. Damned if I can remember the words, but the tune is all I care about right now anyway. I must look like a fool spinning and swinging about. Oh well, at least I'm not as cold now.
Inu-Yasha…I just wish he could see. I wish he would find me.

Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new

Seeing as I don't seem to belong in either time really, I wonder where I would be able to live and be normal. Just be Higurashi Kagome and not have to worry about jewel shards, demons, or the mountains of schoolwork I'm behind on. It would definitely be a different world, but I couldn't leave Inu-Yasha or Sango or Shippou or any of them. Granted maybe I'd wish that Miroku wasn't so perverted, but that would also make Sango happy so that's an okay wish for my new world. Souta and Mama and Grandpa could live there as well – it'd be a combination of the two times I think.
I feel another presence, but no one is around. Perhaps it is merely my wish for someone to come and get me…

I don't know who you are but I
I'm with you
I'm with you

So comforting this other presence – I think I'll follow it. Like I said before, if I'm going to be lost, I might as well be really lost. Sorry, no, I haven't figured it out yet either.
I laugh as I start to dance with my imaginary partner half attempting to place it as Inu-Yasha, but failing miserably. I just can't see him as the type to dance…at least not with me and not like this. Like this I feel free – free of all the responsibilities and burdens that have been placed on me.
I wish he was here now – maybe I'd have the guts to do what Kikyou did, or at least I could try and hold him.

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know

The sudden loss of the presence leaves me feeling almost frozen. My movements slow until I remain standing in the rain. Lifting my face up to it I silently ask it why it took my imaginary friend away. I must have been out here for hours by now – why hasn't anyone come to bring me back to the village yet? I couldn't have wandered that far.
Walking into the small clearing ahead, I find out exactly where I am – the Bone Eater's Well. How did I manage to end up here? And if my presence hadn't woken the hanyou, then surely the rain would have and he would have gone to Kaede's hut, but wouldn't he have noticed my absence? Wouldn't he have come and tracked me down by now and yelled at me about taking off like the stupid girl that I am? Perhaps I am that expendable to him now that Kikyou's around again and he's finally just realizing it.

Cause nothings going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

I feel the hot tears from early come back hard and fast – I hold onto the edge of the Well as my legs give out and my knees sink into the cold wet grass. My friends in my time have nearly left me, Hojou has probably given up, Sango and Miroku are finally finding love, and Inu-Yasha is going to leave me completely now for Kikyou. Why? Why now? Why do I have to be so alone?
I snort at my next thought – and if Inu-Yasha finds me at the Well, he's going to flip. Yeah, right. I still hold onto the belief that he actually cares about me. I can't help it. For some reason or another, I find that I can't believe my earlier perceptions either. Perhaps because my friends still call and bug me about my love life, or rather lack thereof. Hojou has just way too big a crush on me to really be able to see him do differently…I kind of feel bad for the guy. Both Sango and Miroku have their revenge on Naraku to take care of before they could really settle down. Inu-Yasha though…well, I still do have some of the shards so maybe there's some hope there, but…

Isn't anyone trying to find me
Won't somebody come to take me home

I cover my hand over my mouth realizing that I said that aloud. Home…I don't know what that really is anymore. Home used to be the shrine with Mama, Souta, and Grandpa, but it's also traveling with Inu-Yasha, Sango, Miroku, and Shippou. Just…I just want somewhere to be, but I suppose as they say home is where your heart is. Except my heart is not where it should be…not if he can't return my feelings without seeing her.
I love him so much that it tears at me every time I see Kikyou – even if she is alone. It wasn't fair of what Naraku did to her, but it's not fair of what she does to him now. As if he's some kind of pet dog, but then again, I'm no better, am I?
When I get mad I subdue him – that hurts me too. It has become such a reflex reaction and it disgusts me. I try so hard to watch my usage of it, but it's so easy and convenient.
Now I'm just thinking in circles…no, I've been thinking in circles all night. Or would it be triangles since I'm trying to find my place between Inu-Yasha and Kikyou?
Pulling myself off the ground, I resume my wandering, but at least this time I know where I am as I stagger through the woods hugging my soaked uniform shirt closer to myself.

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life

Huddling between the roots of the Goshinboku tree, I find that my body is exhausted as my mind continues to race around at warp speeds. Kikyou…I'm not her, or am I? I can't be if she can be alive at the same time as myself since her soul came out of me, or can we? I don't understand any of this stuff.
I only understand how my heart feels…
Closing my eyes for a moment, the warm presence returns warding off much of the freezing-cold rain. I'm too tired to get up and dance with it again.
"Kagome?"
The warm breath on my face forces me to open my eyes more than the call of my name. A name is just something given to you when you're born, right? Golden eyes staring into my own startle me, "Inu-Yasha? Why are you here?" however pathetic I may sound.
"I should be asking you that."

Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new

Even though he pulls me up gently, I falter and fall into him. So warm…was it his presence I sensed earlier? I don't want to move from here – I feel safe and cared for. Maybe I'm just delusional, but I don't care.
"Why are you out here? You're soaked!" He quietly reprimands me. This isn't like the Inu-Yasha that I know and subdue on nearly a daily basis.
"Couldn't sleep." The honest truth sounds empty to even my own ears. "Lost before…you didn't come to find me." Tears form, but refuse to fall until he explains himself.
"I…" I'm too tired to tell him that his embrace is almost too tight – so warm and safe that I'm sure I could fall asleep right now in his arms. "I didn't want to disturb you earlier. You seemed to follow me when you were dancing so I thought I could lead you back to the village. I'm sorry, Kagome."

I don't know who you are but I
I'm with you
I'm with you

So it was him…he's so different right now. "Kikyou…" My voice is failing me, but I can try – it's time to show all the cards in my hand.
"Not right now – I need to get you dry and warmed up. Come on…if she's around then she can wait." I don't have the energy to protest or question as he more than easily picks me up and takes off. Scenery blurs and so does the passage of time because before I know it, I'm in a small cave sitting before a fire engulfed in his kimono. My backpack and my sleeping bag are present in the corner and I feel the warmth of his body blazing through my back. I should really get out of these wet clothes, but damned if I'm going to move right now.
"Why were you out there in the cold and rain? Surely getting soaked and frozen didn't help with your insomnia." His gentle stroking of my cheek had been lulling me to sleep, but his question…His voice – so calm and so unlike his normal behavior.

Why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yeah Yeah...

"You don't need me anymore. Kikyou can help you search for the shards." I wince as his hand stops.
Pulling me closer to his body he responds to my statements, "Kikyou is dead…unfortunately wandering in our world, but she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it except see to it that she is again laid to rest peacefully. Please don't leave me, Kagome. You're the one light left in my life and I don't think I could stand to see you go."
"Okay." What else can I say? I'm tired and I can't really grasp what he's saying. We'll talk again in the morning – I'm sure of it. He's still talking as I drift off and as different as he is right now, I know he's still my Inu-Yasha and as soon as we get back to the others, we'll fight and the world will go back into focus. Well, to everyone else anyway.

Fin
January 2003
by JeiC
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