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Author of 37 Stories |
(20th February 2005)
Hey guys! I need your help. Please. If you’re reading through this and you come across something that makes it look like I might be missing a sentence, or that the formatting has gone screwy, please let me know. I’ve managed to catch a few chapters, but there are thirty-one chapters in total, which is a lot of chapters to read through, so I’d really appreciate your help! Thanks, Kazzy.
Prologue
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“We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny. But what we put into it is ours.” – Dag Hammarskjold
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She lay on the bed exhausted, struggling to keep her eyes open, fighting away the sleep that so desperately wanted to claim her. She listened as the last of the occupants in the house settled down for the night. Everything was still and silent; it was time to move.
Up, she pushed her aching, drained body from the bed. She sat on the edge for a moment gathering her strength both emotionally and physically for what was about to come.
Moving over to the crib in the corner, she looked down at its two occupants, both sleeping soundly; quiet – for now. Only sixteen standard hours old Luke and Leia Skywalker had proven to be perfectly capable of bringing attention to themselves when they so desired. If one were to wake now, however, it would be disastrous, for they would wake the other and then bring the rest of the well-meaning, yet interfering, family to wait on them. Their mother needed their silence for now.
Tearing herself away from her – currently – peaceful children, Padmé Amidala Skywalker shuffled over to her closet. She had discovered a few loose floorboards as a child and now she knelt, removing them to retrieve a small carryall, packed to busting with what she was going to need over the next while. Then she carefully dressed herself in clothes that were sturdy, but dull; designed to last, but be unnoticeable among a throng of people.
Finally ready, she sat – almost collapsed – back down on the bed. She hadn't realized that this would be so difficult, but right now all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for days on end. The next few weeks would have been hard enough, just saying here resting and caring for her children while she recovered from their birth. And here she was going to make it harder: running, hiding herself and the babies, at the same time as she learned to be a mother. There was no choice, though. It had to be done. If not for everyone's best interests, then their safety.
Naboo would be an excellent place to raise her children. The streets were relatively safe; there was little pollution and a good education system. Here Padmé and her children would be surrounded by family, by people who cared for and loved them. If they stayed no one would be forced to spend a lifetime wondering where the people they loved were, if they were alive or dead. However she could not stay, Palpatine’s Empire was rapidly spreading through the Republic. Naboo’s distance from Coruscant and its weakness as a military power had kept it safe until now, but word had reached them: storm troopers would be here within the week. The planet Palpatine had once served as senator could not retain its independence for long – even they had to submit quietly or be crushed.
Padmé glanced down at the bed, still slightly warm from when she lay there not long ago. She'd been in labour for nearly twenty-eight standard hours, and had only a few hours sleep at a time since then. If she rested for a couple more minutes, it couldn't hurt, could it? She laid her head on the pillow and let her eyes drift shut...
Hours later she was awoken by a wailing child whose twin quickly followed suit and added to the cacophony. In Padmé's sleep-addled state she did still have enough sense to knock the bag under her bed where it would wait inconspicuously for her.
Looking down at the squalling children, Padmé had the sensation that was becoming familiar: which child to tend to first? As she scooped up the closest one – Leia – her own mother entered the room. Jobal Naberrie had done nothing over the last few months but fuss over her younger daughter, who had returned home in an attempt to hide her pregnancy.
"They're hungry Padmé," Jobal told her daughter, as she lifted Luke up, tsking at him and murmuring soft words of comfort. The twins only seemed to wake for food, and that was often enough.
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Padmé turned towards the seat by the window that clearly showed a faint line of light on the horizon getting wider and brighter. The noise lessoned fractionally as Leia's mouth found its way to her mother’s breast and began to hungrily suckle. Padmé tuned out Luke's wail, which had began to quieten as his sister sated herself. Concentrating on the little girl in her arms, Padmé smiled; here was something the new mother could not get used to: feeding her children, holding her children, watching her children. They were only hours old but already spun at the centre of her universe.
Once Leia was done Padmé handed the little girl to Jobal and took the still hiccuping Luke, who looked up at her with damp baby-blue eyes. Jobal began to burp Leia, and Padmé had to blink past the mist in her eyes. She was going to miss more than just this help when she was gone.
She ran a gentle finger over her towheaded son’s crown. Her beautiful baby boy. Who already looked far too much like his father for his mother’s peace of mind. Anakin… her soul ached at the thought of her lost husband and she ruthlessly suppressed the memories, as she so often had over the last months. However, her incredibly sensitive children, so in tune with their surroundings, picked up on their mother’s pain. Luke, now resting gently on Padmé’s shoulder, let out a small mewl of confusion at the intense emotion and Leia, in her grandmother’s arms, whimpered quietly. Padmé shifted her son, so she could take her daughter as well. Jobal reluctantly handed the small girl over, and then hovered above the three, brow creased in concern for her daughter and grandchildren
Padmé waved her away, a pang of guilt for what she intended to do tonight making it hard to tolerate her mother’s presence. “It’s okay, Mom, really, I’ll put them down in a few moments, I promise.” She stubbornly refused to meet the older woman’s eyes.
“And get some rest yourself?” Jobal’s voice was laden with the worry that had been constantly present in any conversation between the two over the last few months. She knew there was something her daughter wasn’t telling her. Something beyond the incredible story of the now dead Jedi husband. The grief that her baby girl was hiding deep in her heart had shadowed her eyes and caused Jobal many sleepless nights.
Now Padmé looked up to her mother’s eyes. Or rather her mothers eyebrows, a trick she had learned after a lifetime in politics. It would appear that she was looking in her mother’s eyes. Or at least in this dim light, it would appear so. Politicians were usually a lot less astute than Jobal Naberrie, so didn’t always pick up on this, but in better light Jobal would. “Of course, Mom.” The lie felt heavy on her tongue and Padmé mentally apologised wishing things didn’t have to be this way.
But they did. And Padmé’s eyes filled with tears as she watched her mother leave the room. She kept her emotions buried deep down, though. Even before their birth, the twins had been able to sense what their mother was feeling and would accordingly react. It hadn’t been an easy pregnancy. The grief stricken mother-to-be had had to hide, even from herself, what she was feeling in order to protect the two tiny beings inside her. She had hoped that with their birth she would finally be able to grieve. Apparently it was not to be.
Precious minutes slipped by as Padmé waited until she could safely assume her mother was back asleep. Gently kissing each drowsy baby on the head she awkwardly rose, stifling a gasp of pain that shot through her. She gritted her teeth and winced as she began the short journey to her bed where she put the children as she prepared to leave. The sky out of her window was now a dull grey, with a pink tint to the horizon. Within the next hour the family would rise for the day. She had to hurry.
Slipping on a sling meant for carrying two small children, she bent to pick up the bag under her bed. Once she had managed to hang that over her shoulders she paused briefly to catch her breath. Force, how was she supposed to get to a transport and off the planet carrying this and the twins? However, there was nothing for it; it simply had to be done. Scooping up first one child and then the other she put them in the sling, almost staggering under the slight increase of weight each brought, envying their ability to sleep while their exhausted mother hauled them and herself off-world.
Drawing all the strength she possessed to herself, she took a deep breath and tiptoed out her bedroom. As she headed for the front door she gave a brief prayer of thanks that she had not had to pass any other bedrooms. She started down the front path, wishing she could urge her tired, aching body faster. Clutching at the wall she placed one foot in front of the other concentrating on propelling herself to the street below.
Above the door slammed, and hurried feet sounded, heading her way. With speed born of desperation Padmé flung her pack in a particularly leafy bush and turned as her sister called out to her. “Padmé! Padmé!” Sola – who had lived with her parents for the last few weeks, as to be close to her pregnant sister – appeared round the corner. Padmé forced herself to relax. The look of relief that passed quickly over Sola’s features was too intense to be hidden. She hurried up to her younger sister. “What are you doing? You should be resting not out wandering.”
Padmé twisted her face into a look somewhere between consternation and repentance, as if she wasn’t quite sure if she should be annoyed at the over-protectiveness, or guilty for doing something so silly. “I just wanted some air, Sola, and I thought I’d take the twins for their first taste of the world outside my bedroom.”
Sola nodded, apparently accepting the reason, but a tightness around her lips said she believed otherwise. She sighed and reached out taking her nephew. Padmé almost sagged at the difference in weight, slight though it was.
“Look at you! You can barely stand up straight. I don’t believe you. After Pooja and Ryoo I could have gladly stayed in bed for a week each, and here you are tottering around less than a day after giving birth to twins!” Sola’s worry lent an edge to her tongue and she gently nudged Padmé ahead of her up the path. Padmé went without protest – there was no chance to leave now. She would have to wait for the next night. And she couldn’t lie; it was relief to be headed back to bed.
Both women entered the house and Sola kept her eyes tightly on Padmé. Watching her, waiting for some sign of…something. Padmé desperately hoped that her sister had not guessed that escape was so high on her plans.
She was escorted firmly to her room and then placed under the ecstatic but firm guard of her two nieces. Ryoo and Pooja had been thrilled to learn they would have cousins, that their beloved Aunt Padmé was going to have some babies. The two girls were the only ones whose gaze didn’t appear slightly apprehensive when falling on Padmé, the only ones who didn’t watch her carefully.
Despite their support and the fact they hadn’t pried too deeply into the events that had been presented to them, the adult members of her family remained slightly suspicious of what Padmé had told them.
Jobal seemed permanently anxious, and a line had appeared between Padmé's father’s, Ruwee, brows, while Sola’s lips had thinned. They had all sensed the deep turmoil in their daughter and sister. Noticed the refusal to grieve. They had been undeniably shocked when Padmé had turned up announcing that she was pregnant to a dead Jedi husband that they had never known she possessed. The identity of said husband had been less of a surprise. However, the fact that the workaholic Padmé had been married, particularly in secret, was astonishing. She had then informed them that they should tell no one; she wanted this hidden from the public’s view. She had even gone so far as cut her hair and dye it black.
Padmé had refused to provide details about anything, but had such a vehement reaction to the slightest implication that her children did not belong to Anakin that her family had been forced to discard the possibility. Still, it was a general consensus that there was more to this than met the eye. It had been Sola, weeks later – and out of Padmé’s earshot – who had asked if perhaps Anakin was not so dead. Just dead to his wife.
The Jedi were gone, there could be no doubt about that. The proud order dedicated to protecting the galaxy had been washed away with the old Republic. Those who had not perished in the Clone Wars had been hunted down and slaughtered by Emperor Palpatine and his shadow, the Sith Lord Darth Vader. Very few remained and those that did were divided and downtrodden, living at the edge of society. Whether or not Anakin was one of the remaining Jedi could not be ascertained through any source available. The only one who could tell them would only say that he was dead and shut her mouth, face grim, eyes filling with tears.
Padmé spent the day under the close watch of her family. Not that she noticed much. She tried to cram as much sleep as she could in the day, forcing her body to take as much of the needed rest as she could.
Around mid-afternoon she went for a short walk around the garden while the twins napped quietly in her room. Sola commented to her parents and husband how much at peace Padmé was, how some of the old Padmé seemed to be showing through. They agreed with her. Padmé really did seem calmer than she had in the entire time since she had arrived.
They didn’t realize that the serenity came from resolution.
Padmé knew what she had to do. Her plans may have been delayed a day, but they would be carried through. All that having this extra time did was give her a sense of clarity that yes, she was right. This needed to be done. She could now iron out the creases in her plan. When night arrived, and the house was once again quiet, Padmé could leave. This time she may still be sore and bone-weary, but the rest had given her enough of her old edge that she would make it.
So it came, that when the house settled for the night, much later than Padmé – who had gone to bed earlier, claiming to be tired – and some time after Jobal had checked on her daughter – who feigned sleep – that she rose. Dressing once again in her simple clothing Padmé placed the twins, who stirred slightly at the sudden loss of warmth of each other, but settled calmly next to their mother in the sling that hung down her front, and slipped out the front door, closing it silently behind her.
Near the bottom of the path she retrieved her bag from its bush, shivering in disgust as she brushed several spindly insects off of it. She hoisted it on to her back, only groaning slightly at the ache of weight it produced. She was just grateful that Ryoo and Pooja, being far more fascinated with the two new additions to their family, had not come to play in this part of the garden today.
When Padmé reached the street she paused listening for sounds from the street or the house above, any sign that her departure had been noticed. Even now some small part of her hoped for discovery. However, it was just as well nothing stirred as, despite everything, Padmé had made up her mind and when Padmé made up her mind, there was no changing it back.
After a moment she sighed, a soft sound in the stillness, sent a prayer for the safety of her family and Naboo; then, without further thought, Padmé Amidala Skywalker and her two small children, Luke and Leia Skywalker, disappeared into the night.
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A/N: There. That’s it. Well, for now. Tell me what you think. Please. I’ll tell you now, I have no plans to make this any great P/A or P/V story, although it will at times have unrequited love aspects. I’m more interested in torturing my characters with angst. But you never know how things will turn out. REVIEW.
If you need something more to read – after you’ve finished this, of course ;o) – you can check out: Sleight of Hand by kayladie. It’s an AU regarding ESB with Mara, and it’s an excellent read. :D
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