Rocky as Link
Ginger as Zelda and Malon
Navi as Navi
Santa Claus as Rauru, the sage of Light
Bullseye as Mrs. Tweedy's horse
Gingette as Sheilk
Our two directors, Ginny and Alice, having a huge hissy fit.
Narrator: Okay guys. Disney refused to lend us a couple of staff,
because since Simba attacked Fowler it has
been a full on war between Aardman and Disney. So we went for the
next best thing. Pixar have been nice
enough to lend us a sound affects guy and some more actors from
Toy Story. We didn't have a horse for Mrs
Tweedy so we have to use. Bullseye.
Rocky: Are you insane? She'd crush that rag doll!
(Bullseye comes behind him and plucks out one of his tail
feathers, then starts impersonating him.)
Rocky: Yowch! Hey, I DO NOT WEAR EYE SHADOW!
(Whole cast are cracking up laughing. Rocky grabs tail feather
and shoves it back in where it came from)
Narrator: Okay Rocky, (Leading him around the crew backstage) Mrs
Tweedy is still kinda peeved with you
from last time so now that we have her in the safely of a
straight jacket she is going to meet you through a
bulletproof glass. Kepish?
Rocky: Oh no.
Narrator: And just to make the experience more fun, Ginger's
coming along too!
(Behind the bullet proof glass)
Narrator: Okay guys, let her in!
Mrs Tweedy: AGRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ginger: Good grief!
Mrs Tweedy: I am the mystical Gannondorf! Hear my voice and
tremble!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Starts dancing around like
a freak, throwing confetti, soon Nick joints in and does the
Goron spastic dance of joy)
Rocky and Ginger:
in the corner)
Narrator: C'mon guys, she's not gonna hurt yo. (Mrs Tweedy
smashes through the glass and grabs his
Narrator: Gahhhaaaaagggahh! H-help. Help me!!!!!!!
Rocky: Mmm, in a minute.
(Stage crew comes running off and tranquillisers Mrs Tweedy)
Mrs Tweedy: (Now giggling like a schoolgirl turns to Nick) you
dance divinely! Will you be my husband?
Nick: There is no God!
Mr Tweedy: Luv? You can't.
Narrator: She can't hear you at the moment, she can only ramble
Mr Tweedy: Oh.
Narrator: (Clearing throat) now, lets get this thing going shall
we? Ehem, After the long and wet battle with
Lord Jabu Jabu, Link and Navi had finally collect all three
spiritual stone and made there way back to Hyrule
castle to see princess Zelda.
Rocky: (Cursing and muttering under his breath) engaging me to a
half fish! You can't do that! Gi. I mean,
Zelda will kill me!
Navi: He he. too right!
Rocky: (Squinting) Hey, is it just me or is it getting really
dark and foggy?
Navi: Hey, is something wrong with the lighting?
Narrator: It's in the script.
(Drawbridge is lowered; Ginger and Bunty come galloping on a
Rocky: Hey Zelda! Where are you going? On vacation? Where to?
(Ginger throws ocarina and its lands in the moat. N/A: A prissy
little eight-year-old princess can so NOT throw
that far!!! She's almost up to Lon Lon ranch for god's
sake!!!!!!!! Hey, but we all know that Ginger can, right?)
Rocky: HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!!! I HAVE THOSE STONES YOU
Navi: Shut up you fool! Some one will hear us!
Rocky: Like who?
Navi: Like that BIG, EVIL Gerudo King on a BIG, BLACK horse
Mrs Tweedy: (Under hypnosis and almost crushing poor Bullseye who
has been painted with black paint) You,
little kid, did you see where they went? The princess and that
brown horse, did you see where they went?
Rocky: Actually, it was a white horse. oooppps! I mean. no I
haven't seen them anywhere.
Mrs Tweedy: ANSWER ME TRUTHFULLY! WHERE DID THEY GO!!!
(Rocky draws out sword and puny shield)
Mrs Tweedy: Ha ha ha! You think you can stop the Great Gannondorf
with that little toothpick and piece of
rotten bark? Think again!
(She uses a spell on him and then rides off, Rocky glares at her)
Rocky: I would have beaten her if you had gotten me that Hylian
Shield for Christmas Navi!
Navi: Sure you would have, hey go and get that thing Zelda threw
in the water!
Rocky: (Emerges with Ocarina of Time) Awe man, its another
ocarina. I already have one!
(Navi and entire crew gasp)
Navi: Link! That is the legendary Ocarina of time!
Navi: Don't drop it, do even breathe on it. just. hand it over.
Rocky: Hey, it's only important and so special cause it in the
title of the freak'n game, hey. I wonder if I'll
break like the others.
(Navi and all of her other forest spirit friends faint with shock
as Rocky jumps up and down on it, bashes it
with a hammer, lights it on fire and slashes it with his sword.
Still the ocarina remains intact and gleaming
silver blue light)
Rocky: Oh well, it must be magic. Hey why has everyone passed
In the Temple of time
Ginger: Link, this is Zelda, can you hear me?
Rocky: Zelda! Hang on, how can you be on a horse and in this
Ginger: It's too complicated to explain. You must learn this
legendary song of time to enter the realm.
(Rocky is now trying to push the door aside by himself, plainly
not listening to a word Zelda is saying)
Ginger: Link! Get your butt back here and listen to the song!
(Rocky learns the song easily, the door opens.)
Mrs. Tweedy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Thank you, now I will gain the
Navi: Oh no Link, Gannondorf has the sacred triforce!
(Rocky and Mrs. Tweedy are in the middle of the stone step; both
of them have a corner of the triangle and
are having a tug of war)
Mrs. Tweedy: Give it here you little fiend! It's mine!
Rocky: *pant* no way! *gasp* you wanna know how much money
this'll fetch on ebay?
(Mrs Tweedy uses a spell on him and fly away into wherever
Gannondorf hides out.)
Ginger: Link! Pull the legendary sword of time of out the stone!
(She vanishes, Rocky strides up the steps and gets ready to pull
the sword out, he grabs the handle and pulls
as if it's attached with super glue)
Rocky: Ow! My head!
Narrator: *tut tut* you should've known by now that we on a very
tight budget. It's only polystyrene painted
(The room is spinning very fast. then it slows down)
Rocky: Whoa, have I got concussion or did the room do a huge
Navi: Ouch! I've got pins and needles in my wings!
Narrator: Rocky was then suddenly whisked away to the sacred
realm. The legendary Rauru, the sage of
light, greeted him and got ready to tell Link the tale.
Alice: Okay Ginny, bring him in.
Ginny: Ladies and Gentleman, I give you. SANTA CLAUS!!!
SC: HO HO HO! Who's been naughty and nice this year.?
Narrator: Ehem! Excuse me sir, but your acting now.
SC: Mr. Narrator, you've been a very good boy this year, here,
have a candy cane!
Narrator: Gee, thanks!
Ginger: Excuse me Mr. Claus, can we please get on with this?
Rocky: Yeah, what she said.
SC: Let's see here. Oh my! (Eyes go all wide) You two have been
very naughty! No presents for you! My
studies confirm the biggest bad act you two committed TOGETHER
was in that hotel room three moths ago in
New York. it also says here that.
Rocky: Shut up!
Ginger: (Going very red) How did you know about that? Were you
watching in the window?
SC: (Going all defensive) I deny everything!
Ginger: You pervert!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Santa, no matter how nice you are giving me this candy
cane, I must insist that we continue!
SC: No problem, ehem. HO HO HO. Link, my name is Rauru, don't be
surprised, but you've grown Link!
(Rocky looks down, to find.)
Rocky: Hey! There's no difference! My costume is just different.
although. (Flexes muscles) maybe my
biceps have grown bigger!
(Alice and Ginny faint)
Ginger: I see no difference!
Rocky: You wouldn't!
Narrator: Cut it out!
Ginger: Fine! (Goes all pouty) But I am so NOT talking to him!
Narrator: Fine. Hey, someone wake up out directors! Hey seem to
have fainted with lust!
(Alice is snoring and Ginny is mumbling things like, 'Oh Rocky,
your too kind. Come on, you flatter me. Oh
Rocky, I so glad your dumping Ginger and Alice for me. etc (sorri
Gin! ^_-) Alice now wakes up.)
Alice: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
Ginny: Huh, I can't remember! Honest!
Alice: Oh but I do! Until you can decide what more important,
him, (gestures to our favourite American
rooster) or me, forgot this story!
Ginny: What's the difference! I always have them in before you
Alice: Mine have better content!
Ginny: Mine are funnier!
Alice: Forget you!
Narrator: Hey, what's going on? Everyone's mad at each other!
(Screen goes black)
*2 weeks later*
Ginny: Well what?
Alice: Aren't you going to apologise?
Ginny: What's there to apologise for?
Alice: Forget it then.
Ginny: If I apologised, then would you get on with this chapter?
Alice: S'okay. Its just Rocky after all. hey, where is he?
Rocky: You're not a snob you know.
Ginger: And you're not a. well, technically you are a yank but.
well, next time I'll just have to find a different
insult for you.
Rocky: Come here baby.
Alice: While those two are busy, let me think. *rubs hand
together* okay Ginny, let's get this going!
Narrator: (Still sucking on that candy cane) yo?
Narrator: No time like the present!
Alice: OOOkay! Show me your stuff!
Narrator: As Rauru explained in great detail what Link had to do,
the world of Hyrule was becoming more and
more evil by the second!
SC: Ho ho ho, so Link, do you understand what your destiny is?
Rocky: I guess.
SC: Good! Now get out of my house!
(Link finds himself by the stone of time, he walks away, then
Sheilk, i.e. Gingette appears. Rocky draws out
Gingette: Time passes friends change, an every lasting road of
Gingette: One of your very important friends is trapped by the
horrors of a temple. Before you can save her,
you must go to Kakiriko village to find a special item.
Rocky: Who are you?
Gingette: I am Sheilk, one of the last remaining Shiekans.
Rocky: I mean, who ARE you?
Gingette: Cocky flyboy! It's me, Gingette!
Rocky: Ohhh, so you' re getting paid this time?
Rocky: Well. gotta go.
(Out side the temple of time)
Rocky: Hey, why is it all dark?
Navi: Dunno. Do you think we should believe what Sheilk said?
Rocky: I've been taught by Ginger not to trust Gingette with
something as important as my life. hey, why do
we ask that guy over there, you know, the one with hollow eyes
and rotting flesh.
Rocky: Excuse me good sir, but could you possibly tell me if.
(Zombie starts choking him)
Rocky: AAACH! HE-HELP!!!
Navi: Umm. err. what do I do.
(Sheilk appears and kills Zombie.)
Rocky: (Massaging his throat) Thanks Sheilk.
Gingette: No problemo.
(She disappears; they walk out of the Town Square and into the
Rocky: Damn! The drawbridge is broken! My feet are all wet!
Navi: Damn again. I don't care what Sheilk said, it's creepy.
Hey, why don't we go the Lon Lon ranch? They'll know what to do!
Narrator: So Rocky and Navi made their way over to Lon Lon ranch,
their minds more clouded with questions
then the fog that surround the rich vast land.
Rocky: Mr. Narrator has gone all poetic on us again.
Narrator: Ehem! Rocky walked through only to find many things had
Rocky: (Yawning) Navi, d'ya think it's time for (yawn) another
Navi: (Curled up in Rocky's hat.) Zzzzz.
Narrator: But but but!!! Oh well. just sleep.
Narrator: Rocky woke up after a peaceful rest, only to hear the
heavenly voice of Malon singing.
Rocky: Oh curses! It's that damned song again! Has any one got
Narrator: Rocky walked to the middle of the ranch to find Malon
Rocky: Hi Malon. You look sad.
Ginger: You would be sad if you were being forced to work all day
by that terrible Ingo. My dad was fired. I
don't know where he is.
Rocky: (Suddenly brightening up) Fowler was fired? This I gotta
Ginger: Mr. Ingo is so mean! He is hurting all the horses! What
ever shall I do?
Rocky: Leave it to me!
Ginger: My hero! (Under breath) in your dreams.
Narrator: Rocky went to the paddock to find Ingo to teach him a
Rocky: (Balling up fists) lets go kick some arse Navi!
Navi: (Holding a huge club in his invisible hands, so big that it
dragging on the ground) Yeah. *pant* kick.
Narrator: Rocky walked up to Ingo.
Rocky: Listen mate! Malon tells me you've been abusing the horses
and being an evil character! Do you know
what I do to evil characters?
Oliver: What? I can give you a tour if you want, but I can
reassure you that I take perfect care of them! I'm
so worried that Talon is in trouble but I can't leave the ranch!
Rocky: A likely story.
(He goes over to the enclosure, and opens the gate.)
Rocky: Be free o'mighty stallions! I, the great Link have taken
off the shackles of your miserable lives! Gallop
free is the cannons of Gerudo Valley! Romp though the grassy
plains of Hyrule field! Freedom, glorious
freedom! Do you feel it?!!!!!
(Not one horse takes notice of the gate being open. They continue
Oliver: See? I take good care of them! They LIKE it here!
(Rocky grabs Oliver and pushes him into the enclosure)
Rocky: Here you poor slave driven horses! Attack the mangy
scoundrel that has caused you all these years of
(Hardly any horses bother to look at him, but a couple walk over
to Oliver and begin licking his hand and
Rocky: Err. um.
Oliver: Are you convinced yet?
Rocky: No!!! I will not rest until a flaw is seen in this ranch!
Besides. it's in the script.
Oliver: Well, there is one thing. See that reddish horse over
Rocky: A fine stallion indeed! But what does it.
Narrator: Rocky, for god's sake, cut the heroic talk out!
Rocky: Whatever. What about the stinking horse?
Oliver: Her name is Epona. She's extremely wild and she hates
being here. She'll never come to me. Do you
want to take care of her?
Rocky: Not without a challenge! I am a hero! Do you think I'm
used to everything being easy?
Oliver: (Sigh) Fine. Why don't you go and see if she likes you?
(Rocky plays Epona's song and she trots over, neighing happily.)
Oliver: Wow! She likes you! Let's see if you can ride her?
(Rocky climbs on)
Oliver: Just take it easy now.
(Rocky slaps the horse's rear end and it goes insane. Rocky's not
having much trouble, quite good at it
Rocky: Hey, this is fun!!!
(Oliver is white)
Oliver: Okay, ready?
Narrator: So Ingo and link raced at breakneck speed, until Link
finally took over, the power and wildness
coming out in his horses nature. Link went over the line a second
before Ingo, winning the race!
Rocky: Heeeyaa! I won! I get the horse!
Oliver: (Smiling) well done.
(Whole set is silent)
Rocky: Uh. your suppose to close the gates so I can't escape.
Oliver: Why on earth would I do that? Just go out the main gate.
Rocky: No ranch or evil prison can hold my mighty stallion and
(He goes to jump over the back fence, Epona halts and he goes
flying over instead. Epona trots her way down
the nice comfortable main exit and walks over to the field where
Rocky: Urrggghh. what was that for?
Navi: No time for chit-chat with horsy, ride the mangy animal
over to Kakiriko village!
(Epona try's the eat her)
Navi: Hey, cut it out you dumb horse! Link, just get on!
(Rocky jumps on and all three are seen riding off into the
Narrator: Cut! Lunch break!
Ginger: Well that was a nice ending!
Rocky: (Rubbing his head) took long enough!
Alice: Hey, it isn't my fault I was in the middle of a writer's
Rocky: Sure it is!
Alice: Be quiet you cocky flyboy! Don't make me sick Epona on
End of Scene Six