Author’s Note: Stupid school – taking away my precious story writing time. Here is the final chapter; I hope you like it. I may be continuing this saga in a new story, but we’ll see. If I get enough reviews from this chapter then maybe my mind will pick a direction and go with it. In the meantime, the characters aren’t mine – I am just wreaking emotional havoc on them and then giving them back when I’m done.

My angel’s train is almost gone

She’s almost out of sight

I know I don’t belong up there

Perhaps I should give up my fight.

            He had blown it. He knew it. Any chance he had at being with Sara was gone now. In an instant, in a heartbeat, the beautiful future he had planned for them had been torn from him. All because he allowed his heart to do the talking when he should have been using his head. He knew that for as long as he lived he would never forget the look in her eyes when he had told her he loved her. There was shock, which was to be expected. There was anger, which was also normal seeing as she had been furious with him at the time. But there had been something else in her eyes. There had been fear. That was what hurt him the most. Why was she afraid of him? After all this time together, she was scared of him. The look in her eyes had reminded him of a puppy that has been beaten. There was wariness about her, but moreover there had been a look of inescapable fear. It seemed to him that she was terrified by the very notion of his being in love with her. It was devastating. He could understand if she never wanted anything to do with him ever again, but to know that she was afraid of him was heart wrenching. He never wanted her to be afraid of him and what he felt for her. But the truth had been written across her face today.

            He was sitting in his darkened living room with his head in his hands. He was trying not to relive the day’s events, but his own voice was ringing in his ears, mocking him. He didn’t want to close his eyes because every time he did he saw her face. He saw everyone else staring at them. Oh God, what was he going to do? How was he supposed to go back to work and pretend that everything was normal? There was no way that they could ever work together again. He had ruined not only their friendship but their working relationship as well. After what he had done there was no chance that they could ever go back to having a professional relationship. There were too many secrets that were now out in the open and no matter how hard they tried to work around them, there was no possible way that they would succeed in putting it past them. He had committed the cardinal sin: he had brought his personal life into his professional life. To make matters worse, he had brought it in to her professional life as well. He had managed to ruin two careers today. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Grissom phoned him to discuss his options. He had been thinking about it for nearly a quarter of an hour and he had decided that he didn’t have any. There were no alternatives for him. He knew what he had to do. He didn’t want to do it but there was no other way. He had caused her enough problems; the least he could do was make this go away as quickly and quietly as possible for her. He sighed and leaned back in the darkened room. He should give up on her. She had clearly given up on him. Yet despite the fiasco that had occurred earlier and despite her reaction, he found that his feelings towards her hadn’t changed. He still loved her, no matter what had happened. In spite of the fact that she didn’t love him back, he still wanted her. That was going to be the hardest part. Letting her go would kill him. But then again, he reminded himself, I never really had her anyways. They were in two different places. She was his angel but that made her out of his reach. He felt like he was trying to catch a shooting star. She was so beautiful and so perfect, but he didn’t belong with her.

It looked like she was going to be riding that last train to heaven alone. He wasn’t welcome to go with her. He had missed his only chance.

Just when I think the train is gone

It stops; I hold my breath and wait

Could it be that I am on the receiving end

Of a second chance with fate?

            The ringing of his doorbell sounded louder than it normally did. Maybe it was because the person on the other end was pressing it repeatedly. He didn’t want to get it. It was probably Greg or Warrick coming to talk to him and he couldn’t deal with that right now. He just wanted to be alone. He wasn’t going to answer, and he was relieved when the person stopped ringing the bell. But in the sudden silence he found himself feeling the urge to go and open the door. Suddenly something told him to go see who it was. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt as if some unseen force was propelling him towards the door. He raced to it and flung it open.

There was no one there.

The rain was still coming down but he ventured outside into the storm. He walked to the end of the driveway and looked up and down the street.

There was no one there.

He felt let down again. He had been sure that there was a reason for him to answer the door. A little part of him had thought that maybe it was Sara. But the street was empty. The only sound was the rain pouring down and the beating of his heart. Dejected, he turned to go back inside.

She was standing not ten feet away from him. She was soaked to the bone.

“I went around back” she offered by way of explanation.

“I went around front” he countered. She smiled at him. He felt his heart beat a little faster. That was good sign. He took a deep breath and was about to speak when she held up her hand.

“Nick, whatever you’re going to say, don’t. You’ve already said enough” Her words cut like a knife. Still she pressed on. “Look, I’ve been thinking about what you said. It’s all I can think about. I’m flattered Nick but I don’t feel the same way. I don’t love you. And I came here to tell you that I’m sorry, but it would never work out between us. I felt like I owed you that much.”

He felt his eyes begin to burn as the tears began to come. This wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear. And the day had been so emotionally draining that he didn’t even try to fight it as the tears began to mix with the rainwater.

“Sara, I’m sorry about today. I’m not sorry that I told you how I feel, but I am sorry that I told you in that way. I swear to you that I never meant for it to come out like that. I was telling the truth though. I do love you. I don’t know when it happened and I don’t know why it happened but it did. You are the one I am in love with and I can’t –and I won’t- change that. I can’t make you feel the same way Sara. I wish you did, God, how I wish you did, but you don’t. I knew it today when I saw the look on your face. Maybe I always knew that you wouldn’t love me back. I’m sorry that I burdened you with that knowledge. Maybe one day you’ll think of me and smile.” He looked at her face to see what her reaction was. He features were hard, and her face was set. But he saw the faintest tremble of her lower lip and realized that she was trying not to cry.

“Nick, what did you think would happen?! How could you do that? Things are never going to be the same. I am afraid to even try and think about how we are going to work together from now on.”

He smiled sadly at her. “You don’t have to worry about that. I am handing my resignation into Grissom tomorrow.”

She stared at him. “But this job is your life. Are you sure you want to throw it all away?”

He took a couple of steps towards her. “You’re almost right. This job was my life – until you walked in. I didn’t realize it at first but suddenly I had a whole new reason to love my life. Before I knew that I loved you, I knew that you were my friend. And that’s why I am leaving. Because I can handle you not loving me. But I can’t handle knowing that our friendship is gone too. And if I go to work with you everyday, that’s all I will be able to think about. All I have ever wanted to do is to help you break down those walls that you put up around you. I have wanted to protect you and let you know that there are still some safe places that you can go. I wanted to make sure that you felt loved and secure. I wish I had been able to accomplish all of that, but I was able to give you friendship. And that is what is going to pull me through this. I would rather have you in my life as a friend then not have you in my life at all. I am going to learn to be grateful that I knew you. But I can’t stay here anymore. One day I will be able to appreciate what we had but for now, all I can think about is how in love with you I am, and how much you’re not in love with me.” He reached up and gently pushed her hair off her face.

“Good bye Sara”. He began to walk back in to the house.

“Wait!” This time it was her turn to call out to him. He turned back. She was crying openly now.

“Did you mean what you said? About wanting to protect me and keep me safe?”

“Of course I meant it.”

She bit her lower lip and looked up at him with those eyes. “I was afraid today. Afraid of how you felt, afraid of how I didn’t feel, afraid of what this would do to us. I have been hurt before Nick and it terrifies me to think about breaking down the walls that I have put up around myself. I am afraid to try and feel those feelings again. I was scared Nick. This changes everything. But if you really meant what you said – and I believe you did – then I will tell you this: I meant what I said too. I don’t love you. But I think I could learn”.

With that she kissed him. He was surprised but he didn’t pull away. The kiss was everything he knew it was supposed to be. It was a little piece of heaven. Maybe his angel was staying down on earth for a little while longer. Maybe he hadn’t missed the train after all. She pulled away and looked at him, breathless.

“Yep” she smiled “I think I could definitely learn to love you”.

They stood there in the pouring rain, finally both on the same track.