A/N: Eh…I'm not sure where this came from. I was over my cousin's when I began writing this, so it'll be one of my few non-slash fics. (The sacrifices I make for her. ::sighs::) Oi, and I know it'll seem kinda Mary Sue-ish at first, but it's not. Just self-insertion and OCs dating main characters. If you're too close-minded to read fics with OCs, run and never come back. If you're still here, enjoy it. And if you ignored this and don't like OCs, don't send me a flame unless you have a real name and an e-mail address so I can send a reply to you. Don't worry, though, I usually find flames amusing….

Warnings: self-insertion, bad language (I has a potty mouth)

Disclaimer: I don't own Draco or Pansy. Or Snape. Or…a lot of other people. Including Ashley, because she belongs to herself. And I belong to myself, too, by the way….

Summary: Two girls mysteriously appear in Hogwarts, and nobody understands how, including themselves. So Dumbledore allows them to be Sorted-one in Slytherin, the other Gryffindor. And the oddest thing? They actually get along! But the most important question is: can Draco *please* kill his new housemate?

It was going to be a wonderful day.

At least, that had been Draco's first thought. Then, just as Draco had taken off his pajama top, Pansy Parkinson had stormed into the boy's dormitories, dragging a girl in Muggle clothes behind her and ranting about how some bloody Muggle was in her bed when she woke up that morning. When she'd finished her rant, she threw the girl down at his feet.

The girl landed hard on her knees and then slammed her hands to the ground.

"Fucking hell, man," she began in a deep voice, "I may never be able to hear again."

After a minute of stunned silence, the girl slowly stood up, dusted off her hands, and dusted off the front of her pants though there was nothing on them. Then she looked up at Draco, and Draco glared haughtily back.

"How did you get here?" he demanded angrily.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" she asked in return.

Draco, who had expected a very timid answer, didn't reply for a moment.

"Never mind then. Do you have a name?" he finally asked.

"No," she replied, obviously sarcastic.

"What is it?"

"Denice."

"And your surname?"

"Huh? Oh, right. DePalma."

"You're a Muggle, aren't you?"

"…Um…No?" she said, sounding confused. "I mean, I'm a Muggle where I come from, but now I'm here, I'm not too sure. I mean, magic really doesn't exist where I come from, but it obviously exists here, and I can't be a Muggle because I know what it is. I mean…." There was a slight pause. "Actually, I don't know what I mean.. But that's totally besides the point."

There was another stunned silence after that. Draco wasn't quite sure what he should say to that announcement, as unused to her obvious energy as he was. In fact, he wasn't quite sure if he was supposed to say anything at all.

"Oh, forget it," he finally growled out in frustration. "I'll take to Professor Snape. He'll know what to do," he added, turning to grab one of his school robes out of his trunk. He quickly pulled it on, turned back around, and grabbed Denice's elbow as he walked past her to make sure she went with him.

They were about halfway to Snape's office (as Draco was sure his favorite teacher would still be there) when Denice suddenly stopped.

"Wait a minute," she said. "Now, this is very impolite of you. Shouldn't you introduce yourself or something?"

Draco blink, then raised an eyebrow. "Malfoy," he said. "Draco Malfoy."

"You sure it's not James Bond?" was the giggled reply.

Draco's eyebrow rose a bit higher. "Who?"

"Uh…Never mind. It's a Muggle thing. Sorry."

Draco rolled his eyes before he continued dragging her to their destination. When they got there, Draco banged on the door. Seconds later, a grumpy-looking Severus Snape emerged. He looked askance at Draco, opened his mouth to say something, spotted Denice, and hesitated.

"Who's she?" he asked.

"I'm not too sure, Professor," came the smooth reply. "From what I got from Pansy, she was in Pansy's bed when she woke up this morning. She says her name's Denice DePalma, and she doesn't know how she got there."

Severus glanced sharply at Denice before turned his attention back to Draco.

"Both of you will follow me to the Headmaster's office. Maybe he'll know what to do with the girl."

Without waiting for a reply, Severus stalked away. Denice sighed before she followed, and Draco walked behind her.

After some amount of time and a few twists and turns, they finally stopped in front of the gargoyle entrance of Dumbledore's office.

"Chocolate Frog," Severus said.

The trio waited impatiently for the stairs to get the top, and when the door opened as they reached it. Dumbledore stood in the doorway with a small smile and twinkling eyes.

"Ah, Severus, I was wondering whether you would appear. It seems as though both Gryffindor and Slytherin will have new students," Dumbledore stated cheerfully before moving to allow the three people in.

The first thing Draco noticed when he got in the room was that Professor McGonagall, Harry Potter, and a blonde girl he had never seen before were sitting in three chairs in front of the headmaster's desk. The second thing he noticed was that the blonde and Denice apparently knew each other.

"Denice?" the blonde asked.

"Ashley?" was Denice's reply.

"So, where'd you appear?" Ashley asked after they stared at each other for a few moments.

"Pansy Parkinson's bed."

"Ugh."

"Exactly. You?"

"Hermione's bed."

"Ah. Well, at least she's cool."

"What do you mean, she's cool?" Draco found himself asking in distaste.

"What I said. Stop being such a snob," Denice replied, rolling her eyes.

Draco glared at Denice before he realized that Harry was smirking smugly at him, at which point he turned wrathful eyes to him. Harry just smiled sarcastically at Draco, and then turned his eyes to Dumbledore, who was about to speak.

"Now, I'm going to let the Sorting Hat decide where you two belong, though I'm pretty sure you'll be in Gryffindor in Slytherin. Then I will have someone take you to shop for your school things."

Draco watched as Ashley turned back around to smirk at Denice, who was staring at Dumbledore in disbelief. It was quite obvious to him that Denice really hated shopping, while her friend was simply ecstatic at the though of shopping.

Suddenly, he noticed that Dumbledore was getting the hat. When Dumbledore sat back down, he placed the hat in the middle of his desk.

"Well, I've nearly forgotten!" Dumbledore exclaimed, turning to Denice. "What is your name?"

"Denice DePalma," was the ready reply, but Draco noticed how suddenly shy she was.

"Excellent! Please, have a seat." Dumbledore waved at the seats and Denice reluctantly sat down. "Miss Pierzynski, if you would be kind enough to place this hat on your head?"

With slightly shaking hands, Ashley lifted the hat and placed it on her head. For about twenty seconds, the hat made no noise.

"Gryffindor!" it spoke out, not yelling as loud as it did in the Great Hall.

"Now you, Miss DePalma."

Denice's hands also shook slightly as she put on the hat, a thoughtful look on her face. It was nearly a minute before the Sorting Hat announced Denice's location of Slytherin. Denice immediately took it off, handing it to Dumbledore.

"Now, if you four will kindly excuse us, I would like a word with these two," Dumbledore announced to Draco, Harry, Severus, and McGonagall.

The four of them nodded and immediately left for the Great Hall. Right before they entered, Severus pulled Draco aside.

"I'll expect you to take care of Miss DePalma, Draco," Severus said to begin the conversation.

"Excuse me, Professor?" Draco asked, wishing he wouldn't be forced into such a horrible task.

"The only way she'll live throughout the year is if you're her friend. I don't believe it'd be a good idea if she were killed. You will help her."

"Yes, Professor," Draco responded with a sigh before they went in.

Today will be a good day, he reflected. The last one I'll have for a long time.

A/N: Liked it? Hated it? Review it! ^-^ Five reviews before the next chapter goes up….