By: Enkidu

I haven't written a story in a while, so this idea hit me at 1 a.m. and I decided to write it. Anywho, if you read "Kitty Litter", it's kind of like that, but not. Bakura pisses off Shadi, so he has to suffer the consequences where he can't lie or keep quiet about his thoughts. Please read.

Warnings: Yaoi. Bad language. Random weirdness. Some OOC.

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**Introduction**

Bakura was bored, very bored. This usually meant the birth of bad things, very bad things. It was after the fourth appliance that exploded from Bakura's great curiosity that Ryou decided to put an end to his Yami's annoying habits and kicked him out of the house. Well, he didn't "kick" him out; more like, Bakura was tired of blowing things up, so he just decided to explore the outside world for a while. Ryou was more than happy to oblige, locking the door with seven locks the moment Bakura stepped outside of the house.

Said yami decided to pay his Egyptian friend a visit, always enjoying the other's company but unwilling to admit that to anyone else, including and especially the aforementioned Egyptian. He stood outside of the door, pressing his ear against it to make sure there was nothing bizarre going on, not that any bizarre occurrence would actually make him leave. What he heard caused him to raise an inquisitive eyebrow.

The apartment was filled with eager and enthusiastic moans, followed by various thuds and objects clanging together. Then, there was something that sounded vaguely like a rustle of clothes and heavy panting. A surge of jealousy rose in him, thinking that Malik had someone over, and they were engaged in various sexual activities. He should be the one panting and moaning with Malik, various objects falling around as they made out like wild bunnies on viagra. The thought of the other boy with another person made his blood boil, but it wasn't as if Malik wasn't free to do as he please. As far as he knew, the Egyptian was highly unaware of his feelings towards him, and he intended to keep it that way.

He set his anger aside and was about to stalk off to kill a few birds and mope when he crashed against a familiar warm body. He backed away, rubbing his aching forehead and glaring at the owner of the body. His eyes widened as he lifted his face to look up at Malik, who was also rubbing his head and muttering Egyptian curses.

"Malik?" Bakura asked in mild surprise.

"Oh, hey, Bakura. What the hell are you doing here?" Malik wondered as he fished for his keys in his pocket.

{I came to see you, you dumbass} "Came to steal some food," he replied with a casual shrug.

Malik rolled his eyes and took out his keys.

"Wait!" Bakura said quickly.

"Yes?"

"There's someone fucking in your apartment," Bakura said as he grabbed the Egyptian's head, forcing his ear against the door.

"Okay, that's pretty weird," Malik commented, also hearing heavy panting and loud moaning. "Who could it be? I'm out here and obviously not fucking. You're out here, and you might be fucking, but I'm going to bet against it. Isis is at work..."

"Maybe she came home early to fuck," Bakura suggested, placing his hands on his hips.

"Only one way to find out." Malik pushed the key into the lock and turned the knob, opening the door. He peered around the apartment, still hearing the moans, now turned into screams. He looked over at the t.v. and laughed, slapping a hand to his forehead. "Well, of course! I left my porno movie on!"

Bakura raised an eyebrow at that. "You watch porn?"

Malik shrugged and nodded, turning the t.v. and vcr off with the remote. "Don't you?"

He was answered by silence, the dark spirit unwilling to admit he had no clue how to work a vcr. Instead, Bakura came around the front to face the t.v., face falling as he saw the cover of the movie. {Straight porn!?!? He watches straight porn!?!? How could he be straight!?! By Ra, his shirt is purple!!}

"Is something wrong?" Malik asked worriedly, staring at Bakura's devastated expression.

"No, nothing" he muttered in reply, dropping the movie onto the coffee table. Malik just shrugged and sat on the couch, reclining backwards, shutting his eyes, and falling asleep instantly.

"I hope you're not that quick with sex," Bakura murmured before walking towards the door of the apartment.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Malik answered with his eyes still closed, startling Bakura who had thought the boy was completely asleep.

The dark spirit blinked a few times, gathering his witts and glaring at the Egyptian. "Don't flatter yourself. Not everyone wants to fuck you," he shot back before stomping out of the apartment in annoyance. Malik just smirked and continued with his nap.

Bakura was bored. Again. He walked down the street, hands shoved deeply into his pockets, whistling the latest Burger King jingle. A familiar sight greeted him as he came upon a disgustingly pink house, surrounded by a white picket fence and lawn gnomes in the shape of Egyptian gods. Only one man in the world would have a house that disturbing.

"Shadi," Bakura hissed. His mouth then curled into a devious grin, remembering that he had only collected two Millenium items so far. He approached the eerily bright house, reading the small octagon sign that kindly informed him the house was under the protection of Brinks alarm system. He rolled his eyes at the feeble attempt to ward off criminals and walked to a window, easily lifting it up and climbing in. He shrugged, thinking there was going to be at least some sort of ear piercing noise accompanied with his entrance, but there wasn't.

His eyes roamed over the room, widening when he realized he was in some sort of S & M chamber. Whips, chains, and handcuffs lined the walls, and a giant cage hung from the ceiling. Bakura gulped, praying that he would never find himself in this room again. He snuck out of the room in haste, hiding in the shadows, looking for where Shadi kept the Millenium items.

He passed by another room, which had sounds coming from it, those sounds vaguely resembling mating pigeons. He peeked into the room, observing Shadi fast asleep, curled on his side. The Millenium Scale was conveniently tucked away in his arms, but the Ankh was nowhere to be seen. That was quite peculiar. He began to look around the room, using his spry and lithe body to expertly sneak around, searching every inch thoroughly. He scratched his head as the Millenium Ankh seemed to be missing. {Could it be stolen already?}

He turned to leave when he was blinded by a giant neon sign that said 'Millenium Ankh', pointing to the Millenium item. {How did I miss that?} He shrugged and walked up to it, not thinking twice about grabbing the item. For some reason, he didn't think the giant neon sign was by any means strange. He stuffed the Ankh into his pocket and glanced over at the Scale, which had somehow slipped in between Shadi's legs.

{No way in hell I'm going to even try and get that. I'll just come back another day}

He narrowed his eyes and turned to walk away. His path was impeded by the presence of a giant anaconda that had wrapped around one of his legs. Only one word could summarize this situation.

"Shit."

Bakura stood incredibly still as the reptile slithered and rubbed against his leg, reminding him vaguely of Fluffy (1), which reminded him of Malik, which reminded him of Malik's 'snake', which aroused him, so he stopped letting himself be reminded. Instead, he glared at the snake, using his Millenium Ring to have it turned into an itty bitty earth worm. He left the insect to pathetically writhe around the floor as he casually slipped out of the window, resuming his previous whistling.

Ryou blinked a few times as his yami entered through the door of his house, whistling happily, his hands in his pocket. At first, he was surprised that the spirit had managed to pick all seven locks with ease. Then, he was surprised that the spirit was actually smiling and whistling. Finally, he was surprised that Bakura failed to notice he had the zipper to his pants down. The whole scene just made him blink in astonishment and question his own sanity.

Meanwhile, Bakura casually plopped onto the couch, supporting the back of his head with his arms. He couldn't help it. He was elated. He now owned three Millenium Items. He was closer to his goal of owning them all.

It was around Bakura's whistling of the second chorus to the song 'It's Raining Men' (2), that Ryou decided to put an end to it. He just HAD to know why Bakura was so happy. Well, he did have his theories concerning a certain platinum blonde Egyptian boy, but even he was confused which way his yami swung. He knew Malik was gay. That was just too obvious not to see. But Bakura, he was too hard to read sometimes.

"Why are you so happy?" Ryou finally asked, afraid he might live to regret it later.

Bakura looked up at his light, his face breaking out into a big grin. "I'm just so happy!!!"

"What could make you so happy that you wouldn't even notice your zipper is open?" Ryou asked, pointing to his pants, which were indeed open.

Bakura followed his finger, his own eyes widening in shock as he zipped up his pants. {How long had that been open? Did Malik notice? If he did, why didn't he say anything? Stupid sexy Egyptian bastard!}

"Now, that brings us back to my question. Why are you so happy? Does it have to do with Malik?" Ryou knew if he was wrong the other might wring his neck, but curiosity got the better of his judgement.

Bakura glared, wondering where in the world Ryou could possibly get the idea that his happiness could be caused by Malik. {Oh crap! Did I yell his name out loud last night? Oh crap! Did he hear me in the shower yesterday? Oh crap! Did I accidentally tell him while I was drunk?} "What makes you think that dumbass has any effect on me whatsoever. Hell, if I had my way, he'd be rotting in some Egyptian tomb with his idiot ancestors," Bakura spat out, scowling at his light.

Ryou noted the defensive voice his yami took and decided not to pursue the topic any further. He was curious, but he didn't have a death wish. Besides, he knew even if he wasn't gay, Bakura couldn't deny the Egyptian boy was hot. So, the whole fact that he was even angry at the notion of being with Malik just added more proof that he wanted the other boy very badly. He was just in denial.

"Alright. If you say so," Ryou said with a knowing smirk as he walked up the stairs to his room. Bakura narrowed his eyes at the other's tone of voice, growing more and more suspiscious of his light. {What does he know?} He shrugged, dropping the question, and laid back on the couch, closing his eyes and falling asleep to the wonderful vision of Malik giving him a very nice striptease. (3)

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(1) Malik's pet snake, who made its first appearance in my other story.

(2) I had to put that song in somewhere...Bakura can be flamboyant sometimes ^_^

(3) *drool*

Well, the first part is done. This story is going to be 3 parts long, but I'm only going to continue if I get enough reviews. And don't worry, Shadi is going to curse Bakura in the next chapter, so you better hurry up with those reviews! ^_^