(Title:  Inside of You

Disclaimer:  "The Coldfire Trilogy" is in no way mine, nor is this story sanctioned by the rightful lord and master, C.S. Friedman.  No money made, no infringement intended.

Warning:  Uh... none?  Maybe shortness.

Summary:  What was Damien's priestly little mind saying when he decided to make the channel strong enough for Tarrant to feed directly off his fear?)

Swallow that bitter drop.  Take it inside of  you and make it part of you, make him a part of you.

You do realize that once upon a time, such a thought would have had you up in arms, ready to destroy the thing that stands before you in the guise of a man.

You asked if this is what corruption feels like.  Taste him?  Feel that suddenly sweet pill going down your throat, caressing your insides with unholy fire?  It'll burn, and he will be in you.  He will be you.  Once a priest, now just another piece of the most powerful, corrupt, and merciless demon Erna has ever known.

No?  What about the Unnamed, you cry?  What about Calesta?  You can feel that burning down into your belly, can't you?  Even now you know so much fear.  Do you think he's licking it from the very air you breathe out?

He chose this path.  The Unnamed is what it is.  Calesta was created as he is.  They were never once a man, a being with a choice, a leader with a vision that could unite this world and bring about its greatest glory.  And you will be that being, you know, now that you've taken him all the way inside of you of your freest will, without any pretense left by your priestly ambitions.

Not a priest anymore.  Not a man.  Just an extension to a hungry, hungry demon with a man's face.

And you can feel all your fears, innumerable and darker than even the Hunter's cold eyes, clambering inside of that secret caged place in your mind.  They will be released into your soul to tear you apart, and all you'll have for comfort is that the Hunter can feed, can be strong.

And you do take comfort in that, and that scares you, too.  More fear to feed the one you chained yourself to, the one you gave yourself to.

Lovely, that.  But that's what you've been reaching for all this time, haven't you?  Make him take you as a part of himself, because then your soul is a part of him.  And if he has no soul of his own, at least yours will remind him of what it was like.

You might have called it noble, had you not wanted to know so much what it was like, to give another your soul and find that emptiness- that blessed lack of faith so that you might not be so driven beyond any and all limits- within you.  To be so cold.  To be so removed.  To be the Hunter.

So close, and yet so far.  The drop swallowed, and your fear is freed.

If your twisted desire is noticed, perhaps he will make no sign.  Perhaps enough of your soul has tainted him so that he will give you that grace.

(Eheheheh...  ^^;;  Tea and crumpets, anyone?)