This Old Man…LOTR Style!

By Charles Xavier

This Saruman,

He played one.

He played knick-knack on Wormtongue.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Aragorn,

He played two.

He played knick-knack on Arwen's boobs.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Pippin,

He played three.

He played knick-knack on Merry.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Bilbo,

He played four.

He played knick-knack on the dragon Smaug.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Gimli,

He played five.

He played knick-knack on Uruk-Hais.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Gandalf,

He played six.

He played knick-knack with his stick.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Eowyn,

She played seven.

She played knick-knack on Theoden.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Samwise,

He played eight.

He played knick-knack on his plates.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Legolas,

He played nine.

He played knick-knack in the Moria Mines.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Bombadil,

He played ten.

He played knick-knack on the Ents.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Sauron,

He played eleven.

He played knick-knack on Gollum.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

This Galadriel,

She played twelve.

She played knick-knack on the elves.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Give Frodo a bone!

This young hobbit left his home!

(Frodo, now fed up with Tolkien's song, sings his own verse)

This Frodo,

He played thirteen.

He played knick-knack on Mr. Tolkien.

With a knick-knack,

Paddy-whack,

Whack him on the head!

This old man will soon be dead!