Slow Good-Byes, Silent Hellos
"Don't," he said, opening his eyes slowly and looking out at the night on
the other side of the threshhold.
The front door was standing gaping towards a freedom he knew he would never
have again. In that freedom all he did was grieve. He wanted to be locked
down, wanted to be right where she was. And still the allure of the fresh
air reaching out its fingers to stroke them over his cheeks was wicked and
real. He took a breath of it, and it strengthened him.
Buffy felt her eyes grow after he had said that single word. Oh, no.
"Spike," she tried hoarsly and at that he turned around to face her, his
gaze holding hers firmly enough for her to feel as though a steel wire was
forming in the air between them.
"Don't you bloody well dare say that to me if you don't mean it," he stated
warningly and she swallowed, her eyes growing rounder as he approached her.
"If you're not sure of what saying it WILL mean. If you're not ready to
take the consequences of saying that to me. If you even for a second think
that you might've said those words just to keep me here, then you'd better
tell me, Slayer. Right now."
She shook her head.
"You won't tell me?" he asked and she blinked at a fresh batch of tears as
she looked up at him where he had stopped right before her.
"No," she mumbled.
He closed his eyes and she could see the rising desperation, the leashed
anger, the utter despair and she reached up one hand and gently touched his
forehead with her fingertips, letting them slide down his cheek before she
moved her hand back and entangled it in his short strands. Putting her
other arm up she did the same thing with her right hand and took a step
closer to him.
"No," she repeated as he lazily opened his eyes to look into hers, growing
wonderment on his face as he stared at her. "I didn't say those words just
to keep you here."
He blinked, tilting his head slowly to one side as he eyed her and she
observed him back. Carefully, almost as though he was frightened any
movement would splinter the reality of that moment and make him wake up to
find it had all been in his mind, he moved his hands and placed them on her
back before pushing her a little closer.
If what she said was true...
He held her gaze and searched for the answer.
She looked so vulnerable... so hurtable... so frightened... and so open.
Finally he could see it. What he had waited to see ever since he first told
her he loved her. All defenses were down. Her eyes wide open for him to
read what he willed in them. She was showing him her heart. And in doing so
telling him that she trusted him enough to not break it.
So, what she had said was true...
His mind couldn't even begin to process the fact that she... that she...
"You love me?" he asked, voice so low it was bordering on silent and she
looked up at him.
His eyes... How many memories were not linked to those blue orbs? And all
she could really remember now, as she catiously let herself drown, was
those thousands of times he had looked at her with love, devotion, hope...
The emotion within her was new in its aged state, moving around with the
rest of the confusion and unwilling willingness and tiptoeing fear. The
emotion within her was growing with every new breath she took as his love
for her became the brightest spot in all their history together. What would
their story have looked like if he HADN'T loved her? They would probably
have killed each other by now. She didn't even want to think about that. He
had loved her. He did love her.
"Yes," she now answered his question, feeling how her pulse was rapidly
Wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled herself even closer to him,
putting her head by his shoulder as she closed her eyes.
He couldn't believe this. It was just too...unbelievable! Was she giving
him the world?
Closing his eyes as well he bent his head forward slightly to rest it by
the side of her face, gently breathing her scent and feeling too many
things to actually feel anything. His chest was a jumble of emotions that
were screaming at each other to get out of the way and still colliding with
each other as they went.
The happiness was the key one, though. It spread soft wings within his
chest and he wanted to cry at the soothing feel of it. The shadow of doubt
crept along his ribs, however, and soon it reached his heart. Overpowering
it placed itself over the still muscle and he blinked as he opened his eyes
"Buffy..." he mumbled and she put her head up, tilting it back slightly to
be able to rest her gaze in his.
And then she suddenly smiled. It was tentative, but as it grew the light of
it chased any remaining shadows away and he couldn't take his eyes off of
"What?" she asked quietly and he shook his head slowly before moving one
hand up to brush it through her blonde locks.
"You are so...beautiful," he murmured and her smile grew self-conscious,
her eyes leaving his for just a moment before she looked back at him.
Those words filled her like the wind fills a sail and makes it billow. She
felt them, and the feeling was sweet. He made her FEEL beautiful.
They grew serious, just like that. Staring at each other and then he bent
down, gently letting his lips meet hers and she closed her eyes.
Parting her lips for his tongue she met it with her own. The kiss was slow
and deep and long. Arms wrapping around his neck, her waist. Bodies pressed
against one another. Mouths locked together and time standing still.
Everything else ceising to exist except for that other. Except for hands
and mouths and tongues and the sensation filling them both.
None of them had any idea for how long they stood like that, and neither
one of them cared. As they as slowly as they had started the kiss, ended it
and pulled apart they once more stared the other.
As a child might look at that gift it had longed for for so long they
Slayer and the Vamp looked at each other and then she smiled again.
"Isn't this...strange?" she asked and at that he smiled as well.
"What?" he wondered and she shrugged a little.
"It's just strange," she replied. "It's like we just did that for the first
time. Couldn't you feel it?"
His smile widened, then he nodded slowly.
"Perhaps it isn't so strange," she added now, thoughtfully. "It's
just...everything else is, you know?" He nodded again, and she did as well.
"Yeah. I never would've expected this to happen... I can't believe it!" she
"What?" he asked and she looked up at him.
"I've done this. I've tried this on for size and it didn't fit me," she
murmured, her eyes filling with quiet suffering. "You're immortal. I'm not.
No matter what I feel for you... or what you feel for me, we can't change
"The only reason for it to stand in our way, Buffy," he replied softly, "is
if we let it."
She swallowed, feeling her body ache at the mere thought of having to give
him up. God, she couldn't do that again. Not ever again.
"But I'll grow old... and then I'll die," she said and a flimmer of pain
cut through his gaze before he leaned down and kissed her on the lips.
"Are you scared of dying?" he asked and she raised her eyebrows
questioningly before she shook her head. "Are you scared of growing old?"
he inquired now and at that she paused, before answering:
"Not scared... It's just that I haven't really been expecting that I
He smiled at that.
"Then let's take it one day at a time, yeah? And I'm sure that I'll see you
just the way I see you right now, no matter if you're twenty-two or seventy-
two. That's what love is... That's why people stay together all their
lives," he stated and then he smirked. "And I can't believe I'm having this
bloody conversation with you."
She giggled, pulling herself closer and nestiling her face against the side
of his throat again.
"Me neither," she mumbled. "This is so...complicated."
"You're scared out of your mind," he translated and she smiled.
"More or less," she admitted and he held her tightly.
"No need," he assured.
"I take it you're staying?" she asked now and he laughed softly, making her
look at him and having that big butterfly of joy spread its wings beneath
his breast again.
She loved him. She wanted him to stay.
She loved him...
"Have you been thinking about that immortal thing for a long time?" he
asked and she smiled, cocking an eyebrow before she replied:
"Can you blame me?"
His eyes filled with that warmth they carried and he slowly shook his head.
"Let's get rid of the obstacles," he said.
"What obstacles?" she replied with a small smile before standing on her
toes to kiss him deeply.
He immediately returned it and once again they lost themselves.
Walking into the living room, still forged together, they sunk down on the
couch. Spike ton top of her and she spread her legs to give him room as the
kiss went on.
Once they finally parted Buffy ran one hand through his hair, giving him
such a loving gaze that he felt a shiver of pleasure run down his spine.
"I guess I owe Dawn an apology," Buffy said and Spike smiled widely before
His eyes suddenly caught the mug of merely sipped soup and he turned his
head to Buffy again as he said:
"You should finish that," and then nodded to the object he was referring
She glanced at it, than back at him.
"Don't tell me you're gonna be a nag," she muttered, though a hint of
wryness seeped through her words and he smirked.
"I'm not," he promised. "I'm just gonna bug you 'til you listen - if I
remember correctly that's what it bloody takes with you."
"Oh!" she exclaimed with mock-insult. "Look it," she then added with a wave
to the mug, "it's cold now anyways."
"I'll heat it," he stated and she smiled a little.
"I'm not hungry."
"I'll be back in ten seconds," he said, pulling off of her and getting to
"I love you..." she whispered as he had grabbed the mug and was heading out
to the kitchen.
He froze, then turned around and came back.
"Damn," he grumbled with a smile spreading as he put the mug down again and
had her arms around his neck once more as their lips met for another kiss.
Aw, thanks y'all! So many still reviewed though I said there would be
installments regardless! Thanks a lot for that sign of courtesy!
Thanks so, so much to Cate, Ayren, PineTranio, Haley, lal, Charlie (!),
Tinks, She-Devil, wendy, wolf116, kaiyana, Sally-Jo and Warrior-Prinzess.
Your reviews meant a lot to me and all the great feedback and incredible
kudos I recieve from you is just so wonderful! Thank you so much!
I believe this is it. It's finished. I'm not fishing here, but tell me what
you think, though. Okay? I'm sure you will anyways so... ;)