|On My Own For Now
Author: SilentStar-009 PM
UPDATED and REVISED Final chapter up and at it ya'll.............Serena has been through a lot, getting pregnant and running away, not ready to face Darein.....but now she's back and she has a lot of explaining to do..............................Rated: Fiction M - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 83,582 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 210 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 05-30-03 - Published: 02-28-03 - Status: Complete - id: 1252966
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Serena let out a curse when she hit her knee on the window sill, sneaking back into her room. She shut her window, making sure Luna couldn't get in. Angry tears made her room blur, and she threw open her closet doors to get her suitcase and two duffle bags. She was blinded by betrayal and anger, she knew. Her hands shook as she yanked open her drawer and pulled her clothes from the depths. I wasn't fair, nothing was ever fair. If they just let her talk and explain she wouldn't blindly be packing for gods knew where.
She didn't want to think about it, only get away, get away from her friends, get away from her duties…just get away from her life. So much had happened in such little time if felt like she was in a typhoon of bad, bad luck. Tonight only sealed what she had been thinking about for a long time, what she desperately wanted. Freedom…
stupid meatball head! You almost go us killed. Why didn't you come
when we called you!" Mars screamed at her.
"You ran out of excuses!" Jupiter yelled at her. Sure, Serena was late, but she was extremely late this time. She cradled her wounded arm and glared at their supposed leader.
"Serena, we count on you to do your part! How could you be so selfish?" Mercury asked. Usually, Ami was the level headed one, always there to forgive, but she got an A- on one of her tests today, and she was in no mood to deal with Serena and her excuses.
"Guys, I had to..."
"We don't care. You're not fit to be leader of the scouts if you don't lead!" Mars said tossing her raven hair behind her back. Serena was always late. She counted on her do her part so she could go home and get some much needed sleep. These battles were getting to her, and the only way to vent her anger and lack of sleep was to scream at something. Serena had always been the unfortunate bystander Mars realized with a dawning horror. She was too proud to take back her words, even when she saw that Serena was looking like she was drowning. What was with her lately? For three whole weeks Serena was even more ditzy and clumsy. How was she supposed to be a good leader when she kept ducking out of the battles and leaving them in the front lines?
Serena couldn't believe that they wouldn't let her get a word in. She fought back tears and turned to Luna. "Well?"
"I think you should leave." She said softly. Serena was being rather secretive lately. She just needed to calm the scouts down and then everything would be back to normal.
Serena looked at her mentor in disbelief. "Fine." She hissed and bounded away.
She couldn't help but be late. She was at the doctors hearing the devastating news when her communicator went off. Now she felt friendless and was about to become a mother at the mere age of sixteen. Thinking about her new responsibilities had more tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Damn." She muttered and rubbed her eyes to see better. Everything was happening so fast. First the doctor's news and now this with the scouts. Her life was sucking everything from her, and it wasn't even a life she wanted. Duty, responsibility, did the gods know that she was only sixteen? A child? A baby that was tossed into a vicious ocean that demanded her to learn to swim all of the sudden? How could they think they could toss so much her way? A low cry escaped her mouth and she put a hand to it. She didn't want her parents to know what she was doing, not even Sammy.
Her watery eyes looked to the door. Pangs of guilt were swamping her, her secret life, her lies, they were all catching up with her now. She didn't wasn't to think about her mother and the sadness she was going to feel once she was gone without a word. She couldn't imagine her parents' reaction once she told them about…the baby.
Abortions were common for young girls who got in over their heads. To be honest, she considered it seriously but when she saw him one day she became sick with the thought. He was sitting on a bench in the park reading. She watched him for a while, wondering how she didn't notice the similarities before. She almost, almost proceeded to talk to him right then and there but as soon as she stepped forward, her nerves got to her and she ran away like a simpering child not ready to admit to herself that she was pregnant. With her sworn rivals baby. Oh why did Tuxedo Mask have to be that jerk Darien? She remembered that night when they conceived her baby. It had been after a negaverse attack. She had called the scouts when she heard screaming and saw an ugly monster draining peoples' energy.
was alone when she took the monster on. A powerful monster at that.
Even her blasted tiara didn't work. She was recovering from the power
loss when the monster had aimed a dark magic shot at her. She stood
frozen, afraid to move when strong arms wrapped around her and leaped
to the side, away from the attack.
She stared wide-eyed at her savior.
"Tuxedo Mask! You saved me." Again, she added mentally.
He threw one of his roses at the enraged monster and set her down.
"Moon Tiara Magic!" She aimed the disk at her enemy and it disintegrated into dust. "Yes! Moon dusted!" She turned back to Tuxedo Mask, expecting praise, but all she got was angry midnight blue eyes. Woah, now what did she do wrong was her immediate thought.
"What were you thinking Sailor Moon? You should have called the scouts!" He yelled at her. Her mouth fell open at his tone and she bristled.
"I did! But they didn't make it in time!" It was true, they were at some kind of function across town and they had told her that they would be late. She didn't know that they were going to be this late, but she had no choice. Her victory was her own and she was proud of it. Shouldn't she be proud?
"If it wasn't for me, you would have been dead. Will you ever take your responsibilities seriously?" He demanded, ignoring her protests.
Serena felt tears well up in her eyes. She was always lectured by Luna and Raye, but never him! All her hard work was belittled by that simple word. Responsibilities. "I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry I'm such a failure as Sailor Moon! I never asked to become a scout!" She exploded in a ragged, angry cry. "I get enough from Luna and Mars! You don't need to tell me how much of a sissy I am because I already know! Thank you for saving me again. I have to go." She turned to leap on the building, but big hands grasped her arm and prevented her from leaving. "What are you doing? Let me go." She objected trying to twist her hand free of his steel grip. She stared up into is eyes, no longer cold and angry. This left her a bit baffled.
"Please. It's not that." He said softly pulling her into his arms. She went stiffly, wondering what he was up to. She could hear his heart pulsing rapidly in his chest; hear his breathing and she stiffened even more when he began stroking her hair. Two years, she thought, it has been two years since she became Sailor Moon and met him. He was so cute, and mysterious. He always was there, even before Raye became Sailor Mars. She always felt they had a special kind of partnership because they had answered the call of heroics before everyone else. She was scared, curious now that he had her in his arms. Her girlish dreams were all coming true and she didn't trust herself to move just yet.
"Then what was it?" She murmured in his chest. He smelled like roses she thought a little dizzily.
"Do you realize that I could have lost you tonight?" He whispered harshly in her hair. Serena stood still in shock at his tone. "I could have lost you tonight. Sailor Moon, do you know how much I care about you? You are not a failure as a scout. You're the strongest one out of all of them, and I admire that in you. I know when you battle, you're scared. I feel how scared you are, but despite your fears, you always do what you have to." Her breaths were becoming a bit shallow as a strange new feeling began developing deep inside of her as he spoke. Warm and fuzzy and there was just something in his shaky strokes of her hair that he was becoming a little tense, she could feel it building in his body.
"You really think that?" She whispered into his shirt. No one ever told her that before, his words meant more to her that he knew and she blinked back her tears. He looked down at her, catching her chin with his hand.
"Yes." He whispered before crushing his mouth down on hers.
Electric currents shot all through her body. Her stomach did little flip flops. She responded to his kisses with everything she had. Their tongues danced together and she felt the burning sensation of desire run rampant in her blood. His hands were everywhere, touching her so gently. Her hands plunged into his midnight black hair and stroked his muscled back. Jeeze, what was going to happen…ohh her thoughts of logic seemed to fly out the window in jet speed.
She heard him growl and he moved her backwards, then, BAM, her back was against a cold wall in the dark ally where they were at. They both knew where this was going. Their kisses were becoming more aggressive. His hand was under her short blue sailor skirt, and her body suit down there seemed to disappear. She trembled when his hands played at her hips. A moan escaped her mouth. Her breaths were becoming rapid and ragged. Shaky hands reached for his pants. She felt him there, ready for her. She heard his low moan when her hand reached its new found destination and was delighted by it. She became bolder and caressed him more, going to other places on him. My gods, my gods, was this really happening? Was this moment actually happening right now with her dream man? She had longed for him just like every girl in society longed for him. His picture was splashed in the newspaper and on television, idolized as the dark mysterious hero.
He broke the kiss. "Stop!" He rasped and his hands grasped her around the waist and hauled her up. Instinctively, she wrapped her long legs around him and cried out with pain, but mostly relief when he entered her. That temporarily made her realize just how far they had gone. Panic welled at the pain as she pulsed and was stretched to her limits. Soon the temporary commonsense that she had gained was lost when he began moving inside her, slowly at first. Her back was rubbing up and down the wall. Heat began to build up inside her. His thrusts became faster, more persistent, little cries escaped her mouth, but he shushed them with a kiss. She was building and building, then her reached between their bodies and stroked and she screamed her release into his mouth. She felt him pulse inside of her, and she tightened her legs around him, squeezing her inner muscles that cradled him so intimately. He moved one last time in her, and found his own release. They had barley enough time to recover when she heard scout voices calling her.
"Oh shit!" She gasped and he let her down quickly. She smoothed her skirt down and watched Tuxedo Mask stuff himself back into his pants and tuck in his shirt. Did they have to come now? When things were put in the right place, he pressed her into the shadows. They watched as the Scouts looked around the barren street for her. "I have to go to them!" She said, not meeting his eyes and ran to the confused scouts.
"Well? Where is the monster Sailor Moon?" Mercury asked scanning the area with her computer.
"Uh, we already defeated it." She explained quickly. Did they suspect anything from looking at her? Gods, please, don't let them know what I just did! Hell, even she didn't quite know what she did. She just got through making love to Tuxedo Mask in a freakin' alley. Who would have thought her first time would be like this?and so sudden? Now she understood it when people said 'it just happened...'
Jupiter's face fell. "Oh man! We came too late! And I really wanted to vent some anger out on it too." She pouted.
"We? What do you mean we?" Mars demanded.
"Uh, Tuxedo Mask came along. He just left." She said with a nervous giggle. Don't let Mars suspect anything. Did she suspect anything? She had too keep cool and that was hard enough to do with Mars keeping an intent eye on her.
"Tuxedo Mask?! Aw man! I missed him too. This day just sucks." Jupiter grumbled causing the other scouts to smile even making one come to Serena's nervous lips.
"Sailor Moon? Why are you so flushed? Was the monster really that hard?" Mars asked suspiciously. Damn, almost caught. Think of something Serena. Was Tuxedo Mask listening to this conversation?
"Uh, yeah. Totally hard. Didn't think I could hold out." She said quickly she fought down a blush when those words took on a whole new meaning in her perverted mind.
"Well, if there's nothing else, I had better go home to study." Mercury said and waved to them as she disappeared in the night.
"I better go too. School tomorrow." Mars said with a hesitant smile giving Serena another close look before she bounded away.
"I wish I could have been here to defeat the monster, but I'll get them next time. See you at school! Bye!" Jupiter said with a wink and then she was alone.
Serena sighed and looked around to see a shadow move across the tops of buildings. She never seen his escapes before. He was always gone before she left, but tonight as she watched his silhouette blend in with the shadows of the night her curiosity got the best of her. Maybe I should follow him, see where he goes after the battles. She silently made her way behind him, keeping a safe distance away.
They ended up on the far side of town, where rich buildings towered. She saw him land on a balcony on a top floor at an apartment building. She waited a good minute before making her way to it.
Blue curtains billowed out the open window. Serena peeked around the corner and saw Tuxedo Mask toss his mask on his bed and de-transform. He had his back to her, so she couldn't really see his face. She waited, then he turned and Serena held a hand up to her mouth to smother a gasp.
No! It can't be! Darien Chiba, her sworn enemy was her beloved Tuxedo Mask? That was impossible. Darien was just so mean and spiteful and arrogant. No…tears welled in her eyes. Her special moment tonight was tainted with the knowledge that she just shared the most intimate thing with someone she did not like. All her happy memories about Tuxedo Mask were overshadowed by all the bad memories of Darien and his harsh words to her. His belittling remarks that cut deeper than he knew. Since the moment they met, there was nothing but mean things between them. He made her feel so inadequate and self conscious. She said things to him that were never in her vocabulary before and her favorite place to go after school, the Crown Arcade, became an all to familiar battle ground between them.
Serena sighed. She had avoided him after their battles, and avoided him when she ran to school everyday. She even stopped going to the Crown Arcade, because he would be there. How could someone so warm and passionate be the cold hearted devil Darien?
She shook her head and continued packing, stuffing as much as she could in. It was late but she entered an all night taxi number in her cell phone and would call them when she was at the bus stop so he could find her easily. There were very few all night taxi companies, but she lived in a high-middle class neighborhood so they were confident nothing would happen to them. After all her preparations were done, she grabbed some money that had been stashed away. It was carefully wrapped in a pink scarf. Her coins jingled as she opened the package. It was about four hundred thousand yen or so, plus she could always dip into the trust fund her grandma gave her, but of course, she'd have to drain it and put it in a new account so no one would find her. If her mom ever found out she had that kind of money, she would throw a fit. It took all of her will power to not dip into it. She always planned to get an apartment when she went to college, but those plans changed when she became a scout and changed even more when she wound up pregnant.
She heaved a sigh and looked around at her beloved room again, and placed the notes she wrote on her dresses drawer, for the scouts and Luna, and her parents and little brother. She crept slowly down stairs and opened the door. The walk to the bus stop made her cry even more and it took so much of her resolution not to turn back around and see her neighborhood one last time. The Luna Pen made sure that the diver didn't ask questions. They drove deeper into to Tokyo where she got onto the express train. There she rode into the international airport. Dawn light already lit the skies when she purchased her ticket, a flight to America. They said you could start fresh there, and she wanted to wipe her slate clean. Her passport was ready, her visa as well and with a big breath, she checked in her bags and left the south wing.
She settled on the plane and looked out the window, watching her home get smaller and smaller. I can do this. I can become strong. I need to become strong for myself, and for everyone else. It was her mantra and it helped keep her determination…