Conversations and Thoughts

While I love the Anakin/Padmé romance in AotC, I understand that there was not a lot of time available to really develop the love story. Therefore, I was inspired to write some "missing" conversations between the two as well as their thoughts during certain scenes. Some of these may just add to existing scenes, while some scenes will be original.

This is in no way intended to infringe upon George Lucas' original creations, and I'm not making any money off of this. I just have nothing better to do!
Life as a Jedi

Anakin Skywalker stood nervously in Padmé Amidala's bright yellow bedroom, examining the holo images on her walls as she raced around packing clothes for their journey to the Lake Country. He listened intently as she lovingly spoke of her home and family; he could not help but feel a twinge of jealousy at the closeness of the Naberrie family. They had welcomed him into their home and showed unwavering hospitality and kindness to this mysterious stranger charged with their loved one's protection, and Anakin couldn't help but wish that they could stay right there with them. Spending this time with the Naberrie's had, for a moment, filled the great void in Anakin's heart, the part that wanted nothing more than to belong to a family. It also gave him the opportunity to see the young Senator in a new light; gone was her formal and rigid Amidala persona. Here, on Naboo, with her family, she was just Padmé, and to Anakin, she was more akin to the simple handmaiden with whom he had become so fascinated and connected a decade before.

Padmé was moving about the bedroom furiously, trying to determine if she had forgotten to pack anything for the trip. She was not pleased with this entire plan of going in to hiding, and her discomfort was only compounded by the fact that she would have to spend an unknown amount of time trying to appear unaffected by Anakin's penetrating blue gaze. He was attracted to her; that was plainly obvious. What disturbed her was the fact that, when he looked at her, she could feel the physical changes in her body; her knees would weaken, her pulse would race, and she was sure that the shades of red that came to her cheeks was more than noticeable. She did not like this change in her. She had always been quite skilled at concealing her emotions, and that was part of what had given her a successful political career. But with Anakin, she felt as though she had no control over her emotions or her body, and this greatly troubled her.

She could almost feel Anakin glancing meaningfully at her bed, then at her, and she knew that if she did not ignore it, she would be quite inclined to spend most of the afternoon on that bed with him. The thought of it sent warm sensations rushing through her body, but she quickly pushed it aside, fearing that this charming Force-sensitive standing mere feet from her would be able to see into her mind. Unfortunately for Padmé, the thoughts she did not want Anakin to hear were the ones that continued to spring into her head. She thought it wise to chase these thoughts away by just talking with him; if she could concentrate on conversation, she could not concentrate on Anakin's handsome face and long, muscular frame. He had mentioned that he never really had a home, and she sympathized with the young man. Maybe if she asked him about his life over the past ten years, the sexual tension between the two would disappear.

"You know, Ani," she began casually as she struggled with a stubborn latch on her suitcase, "I have to admit something."

"What?" he asked as he came to her aid and effortlessly secured the latch.

Padmé sighed. "When you first left here to begin your training, I was.well, I was concerned for you." She confessed. It was true, after all.

"Concerned?" he asked, confused. "Why?" He could not help but feel some satisfaction that she had given him at least a moment's thought after they parted ways.

Padmé started to sit down on the bed, but was mindful that it might suggest something for which she was not quite ready. Instead, she walked over to the large window and stared out at the gardens below.

"Well," she continued after a brief silence, as she felt Anakin walk up behind her, "because you had to leave behind your mother, the only home or life or family you'd ever known." She turned cautiously to face him. He was not as close to her as she had perceived, and silently chastised herself for wanting him to be closer. Anakin picked up on this and smiled to himself, but decided it best to sit in a chair instead of indulging her passing impulse. Besides, he wanted to hear what she had to say.

Padmé continued. "Maybe it was not such a difficult thing when Master Jinn was there to take you under his wing," she said as Anakin's face fell as he remembered his fallen mentor. "But then, he was killed, and you're just handed over to Master Obi-Wan, whom you barely know."

Anakin remembered those days as though they had just happened. He had been impressed with the younger Jedi, Qui-Gon's apprentice, but that admiration had quickly faded when he had sensed Obi-Wan's distrust of him. Anakin's reflections were quickly interrupted by Padme's continued confession.

"I suppose I was just concerned that you'd be lonely; that you'd feel like..like you didn't have anyone," she finished. She studied Anakin intently, sensing that perhaps she had unintentionally opened an old wound. Still, she was curious about the nature of Anakin and Obi-Wan's relationship, given the scene that had unfolded in her apartment between the two only days before.

Anakin sighed loudly, but did not move from the chair. He looked down at the marble floor and ran his fingers through his sandy hair.

"I did," he admitted. "I did feel that way, for a very long time." He was relieved to have someone to talk to about this, as it was something that had silently disturbed him for years.

Padmé resisted the urge to go to him and put her hand on his shoulder. Instead, she just listened in silence as Anakin poured out a bit of his soul to her.

"I knew that Obi-Wan wasn't exactly a proponent of my being trained," he admitted with a hint of frustration in his voice. "He did not take care to wait until I was out of his presence before he voiced his opinion of me. He told Qui-Gon that I was dangerous. And I knew after Qui-Gon was murdered that the only reason Obi-Wan agreed to train me was because he had promised Qui-Gon. Needless to say, there wasn't a lot of trust between us at first. And it was very lonely."

"But you trust him now, don't you Ani?" Padmé inquired. "And you were able to make friends at the temple, right?"

Anakin rose from the chair and walked to the spot Padmé had previously occupied at the window. He stood there for quite some time with his arms folded across his chest, seemingly lost in thought. Padmé was beginning to regret initiating this dialogue, but she sensed that perhaps Anakin needed to discuss this with someone.

"I trust him," Anakin admitted. "I'm not sure that trust is returned, though." He turned to face Padmé with an undeniably pained expression on his handsome face. She remembered that expression from ten years before, when she had comforted him aboard the starship because he missed his mother.

"I'm sure it is, Ani," she said reassuringly, although she had to admit to herself that she was not so sure.

Anakin continued, addressing the second part of Padmé's question. He was tired of discussing his Master, and it seemed that, of late, the very thought of Obi-Wan stirred nothing but anger and frustration within his heart. He silently thanked the Force for this time away from his Master's ever-critical eye.

"I never really made any friends at the Temple," he said flatly. "My training was not structured like the rest of the Padawans my age. Besides, it took me only weeks or months to master what they had been training for nine or ten years. There were a number of Masters in the Temple who were quite distrustful of me, and I think their suspicion spilled over on to the students. I never..I never really fit in with the others, Padmé," he sighed dejectedly.

Padmé instinctively joined Anakin at the window and placed an understanding hand on his shoulder. Feelings of warmth and love and contentment swept over his body.

"Anyway," he continued, "it's not as though being an outsider is something new to me. Even when I was on Tatooine, I guess I just never could relate to the other kids. While they were off playing, I was building things or racing pods or something else. They acted like they were..threatened by me because I could do certain things they didn't understand. I cannot tell you how many times in my life I've wished I could just be a normal person," he said sadly.

Padmé silently sympathized; she remembered how she had been set apart from many of her peers because of going in to politics at such a young age. There were many times over the past years when she had wished she could have her childhood back. But she realized that her circumstances were her choices; Anakin had not asked to be given his Force abilities.

"I suppose I just have to accept it," he sighed. "I-I'm a freak. I always have been, I always will be, even among people who are supposedly like me. I'll never have a normal life."

"Well, sometimes normal is boring," Padmé replied jokingly. She was pleased to see Anakin smile slightly at her comment.

"But sometimes, it's not Padmé," he replied as he walked over to the bed and took her suitcase in his hand. "Some people may look at me and say, 'I wish I could do that, or be like that.' But I look at them, I look at your family, and I can't help but wish the same thing. I mean, being a Jedi is exciting, but it's not always."

"Fulfilling," she finished for him. "In a lot of ways, politics is the same. You know what you're doing is important, and you're passionate about it, but sometimes you wish you could leave it behind." She walked to the bedroom door and picked up another small piece of luggage for the journey and looked back at Anakin. She never realized how much the two of them had in common until that moment.

Anakin strode over to the door and impetuously kissed Padmé on the cheek. Her face flushed, even though she realized it was nothing more than a friendly gesture.

"I'm glad to be spending time with someone who seems to understand me so well," he said with a playful twinkle in his bright eyes.

Padmé smiled, despite being slightly alarmed over her comfort level given the sudden familiarity that had developed between herself and her Jedi protector. She had never intended for it to reach this point; she had intended for things to remain at a strictly professional level. But the connection had been re-established, and she knew there was no going back now.

"We'd better go," she said. "We want to get there before nightfall."

As she left the bedroom, Anakin's heart went with her; if he had debated whether or not he was in love with this woman before, he knew it now. He had never known anyone, besides his mother and Master Qui-Gon, who had accepted him so unconditionally. He followed her out into the street and knew that, no matter where she went, he would follow her from that day on.