//Authors Notes: I do not own Bill Nye. Wow! Amazing! I also do not own 'smutluv' (see below) that belongs to the awesomely brilliant Dave Mienstien of the TV show Portal.//
Now that TM was gone and it turned out Newbia was no longer making cameos, Bill decided he wouldn't listen to her (or so he thought, for I controlled his thinking...muahahaha) and he would continue with the craziness. He went over to Lulu (everyone else was too busy eating cake to talk to him) and told his plans to disobey Newbia.
"Well, that's nice, Mr.Nye, but you can't do that,"said Lulu.
"Why not?" asked Bill angrily.
"Because, don't you remember? I'm a demon from hell, and I've decided not to wait until Friday to eat your soul."
"Crap." With that, an inter-dimensional portal appeared ripping apart the space time continium and killing thousands. Lulu giggled and shoved Bill into the hole, transporting him to a normal-looking bedroom with beds, a chair, a computer, a television, and a few posters on the wall saying things like,"Go to hell, fuckers!" "Satan wants YOU to give up your soul!" and "Stay in school!"
"How did that get there?" Lulu said angrily, and waved her hand. The poster dissapeared.
"You should see what I do with TV shows I don't like. Oh yes, back to the matter at hand." Lulu morphed into a hideous red demon with yellowing huge sharp teeth dripping blood, red glowing eyes, and a really bad haircut.
"I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!!! But first, we must go to a commercial break. While you watch this TV I will enjoy a crisp, refreshing Coke." Lulu made a coke appear out of thin air and took a gulp, and then gave a refreshed, "Ahhh. But actually, I need to get to a fundraiser. We're selling souls. The proceeds go to charity-S.M.U.T.L.U.V, Strong Men Unafraid To Love Unicorns Visibly. You get a free can of salsa when you join!" Lulu morphed back into her blonde pretty self and handed Bill the remote. "Keep yourself busy." She left in a burst of pretty flowers, then a voice said 'oops' and the flowers turned into a towering inferno of flames.
"Hmmm, maybe I should take this time to escape. Naw, my favorite soap opera is on!" Bill turned on the television, but as it turned out in hell the commercials lasted several hours (and they were not the funny kind either, they were either stupid or totally obvious-duh crisp, refreshing coke is better then pepsi! Ahhhh, that tastes good!) so Bill decided to channel surf. He switched channels for a few minutes (5000 channels and NOTHING IS ON!) and finally paused on the show Stranded.
"Welcome,"said the host, smiling brilliantly. "To another episode of the reality hit TV show, Stranded! I'm your host, Ted Wagner. Stranded is not stolen from Survivor." He frowned suddenly. "I don't care what you say, Ben, we did NOT steal your show like you stole my wife. Oh yeah, don't think I don't know!" He started yelling almost incomprehensibly. "'CAUSE I KNOW! I can see you there, Sarah, you traitorous bitch! I CAN SEE YOU! I CAN SEE ALL!" A big bouncer-type man came and carried him away, clapping a hand over his mouth just as Ted started to foam at said mouth.
"Happens every week," groaned a voice, probably the cameraman. A new host came on, again smiling brilliantly.
"Welcome, I'm your host Ben. Our old host got into a minor accident. It's just one of the surprises waiting for you on Stranded! Wooooooo!" He wiggled his fingers like a ghost. Bill changed the channel to a talk show. A middle-aged British man and a 30-something year old woman with too much make-up on were arguing.
"I personally think animation will not be good for the future of movies,"said the man.
"Why not?" replied the woman. The studio audiance gasped at her clever counter.
"Because, if animation replaces actual actors, hot people will not be able to coast by life on there good looks by being in movies!"
"NO!" shouted the audiance, horrified, and Bill yawned and changed the channel.
"BILL! I'LL SAVE YOU!" shouted a voice. It was Chief, followed closely by Charlotte saying,"Yeah!" They both walked into the room.
"How did you get here?"
"We followed through the wormhole, only we ended up in a different room,"said Charlotte.
"Well, save me later. Days Of Our Lives is on."
"Oh, I love that show!" shouted Chief. Charlotte sighed and decided to watch too as the commercials finally ended.
"Damn fundraiser," growled a voice. "These days you ask someone to sign a deal with the devil that get all suspicious and think I want to send them to hell. Oh, you're still here?" It was Lulu. She morphed into the scary demon self. "I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR SOULS!!! Wait a second, is that Days Of Our Lives? I love that show!" She sat down on the bed and all four of them watched intently. Both Bill and Lulu started crying (an odd sight, as Lulu was still in scary demon form) and moaning things like,"Oh John, why won't you tell Laura your feelings?"
"I like Gilmore Girls better,"said Charlotte sourly.
Days of Our Lives ended, and after they had all stopped crying Bill said,"Uh...aren't you supposed to devour our souls?"
"Oh! Thanks for reminding me!" gasped Lulu cheerfully. She lunged at Charlotte, preparing to kill her slowly and painfully before eating her soul, but Charlotte lunged out of the way and ran out of the room. Bill and the gang soon followed her outside into hell.
Now, you'll probably expect me to make a joke about hell here. Making fun of something by saying 'hell is a Britney Spears concert' or 'hell is school' or some other crowd favorite. You might even expect me to say that it's multiple showings of Bill Nye The Science Guy! Well, for one thing I don't agree with that and for another it's just too easy. I SHALL FIGHT TEMPATION! So hah! *sticks out tongue*
(*cough* math class *cough*)
It's just eternal flames, you can't make me make fun of anything! Anyway, back to the story, Satan employed several demons like Lulu to devour people's souls, buy souls, water the plants, et cetera. So there were several inter-dimensional portals like Lulu used to transport people to hell that opened and closed every once in a while. Now, hell isn't that big, so to make room some portals could go back in time. Instead of going to hell, they went to something close-a time before the internet and/or cable was invented.
Lulu was gaining on Charlotte and the gang, but not quickly because in her scary bad haircut demon form she was slow and lumbering, so they just enough time to jump into the next time portal that opened. POOF! They were transported to when Bill was in middle school.
There was a classroom and students were being handed back tests. The teacher, an old woman, handed a paper to a boy who looked like a 13-year-old version of Bill and appeared to start sobbing. Chief craned his neck and could see why. Despite the big F on the paper, Young-Bill said,"Wow, one right, better than last time!"
"You got two right, Bill, and before you got three,"sighed the teacher. "The problem is, you can't count. And considering that's out a hundred..."
Chief could see the paper in Bill's hands:
1)Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Susan B. Anthony
2)Whose face is on the Susan B. Anthony coin? (the question was left blank, though on the back where Bill showed his work he showed several complicated division problems when trying to figure it out)
3)Name a capital city outside of the US and what it is the capital of. Honolulu, Hawaii, Canada. (Did he replace Ontario with Hawaii or something?)
4)True of False: It was Colonel Mustard, in the Dining Room, with a candlestick. True (it was actually in the library)
5)Spell 'evanescence.' (there was nothing there but a bunch of crossed out words like 'dogo' 'eeveekes' or 'eveensanse')
"How in the world did you get the idea that Hawaii is in Canada? You're a scientist! You should be smart!" growled Chief incredulously.
"Well, I'm only good in science. I'm not so good in Math."
"Bill, that was a geography question," said Charlotte, rolling her eyes. She had gone to school with Bill.
"I told you I wasn't good!"