Summary: Yami no Matsuei short. Muraki/Tsuzuki. Rape, killing, and yaoi-lovin'. Part of the Shot In The Head challenge.

Smiling, as always, he looked at me as if I was a mere toy. The white trenchcoat he always wore flowed behind him as his stalked up to me. His fingers lightly touched the chains that bound me, handing from the ceiling. His smile became wider as he walked around me. His hands traced down my bare chest, to the waist of my pants. Someone screamed. It was me. Looking into his eyes, I began to feel the fear bubble from my gut. My screaming only fueled his lust further. He lightly traced his hand against my jaw and laughed. I shut my eyes, but could do nothing more. The chains rattled as I struggled to escape his touch. In ignorance, I screamed again, hoping someone would hear my plea.

A gunshot echoed in my ears. It overpowered my screams. It overpowered his laughter. His actions came to a sudden halt. My ears were becoming numb because of the loud blast; ringing in pain.

But it didn't occur to me to cover them.

My eyes were wide, watching the red liquid seep out of the wound. His elegant silver hair had been streaked with a deep red. His eyes wide, he stared at me not believing his destiny. A tear streaked down my face as I stared, speechless.

But it didn't occur to me to reach out for him.

I remembered the pain from hours before. I was on the floor, free from the metal chains. He was on top of me, rolling his tongue along my skin. Evil laughter. Cold fingertips sliding up my chest. I had followed him into a trap. My body no longer did what I told it to. I laid there, his precious toy, as he wrapped his arms around my waist. It took only seconds for him to unclothe me. A master of dolls, I suppose. In his crazed eyes, I could see what he desired. He wanted me. He wanted my eternity. As if becoming one with me would grant his own life with a touch of the devil within me. And for a fleeting moment, I wanted him to take me. Take me to the evil place in his mind, for I deserved to dwell there.

I was a demon, wasn't I?

I deserved this.

Rotating his hips back and forth, thrusting. The pain. I had closed my eyes, trying to shut everything out. Hisoka. All I could think of was Hisoka. I suddenly wanted him to stop. Suddenly, the pain was unwanted. I had a will of my own. I screamed for him to stop. He laughed. Always laughing, always smiling. Lowering his face down to mine, he whispered sensually into my ear, "Do not fight me, dear Tsuzuki-san. That will only make me want you more." He pushed his hand through my hair, "My doll of perfection... It's your destiny to suffer." The thrusting became faster, as did my screaming.

I hated him.

I loved him.

I hated him.

I loved him.

I wanted it to stop.

Taking in deep breaths, I struggled to scream again...

... but my faith and voice died in my throat.

"Tsuzuki."

Was someone calling for me?

"Tsuzuki."

No, make it stop.

The pain hurts too much.

"Tsuzuki!"

Hisoka's grip around my shoulder shook me out of my daze. Blinking repeatedly, my eyes focused on the figure lying on the carpet before me. Muraki. A small puddle of blood had formed beneath him, staining the white carpet a dark crimson color. The white room was beginning to develop an odor of death. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my throat.

Again, Hisoka called to me, "Tsuzuki."

I turned to him, my mouth trembling. I could still taste his lips. I could still smell the scent of roses on my skin. "H-Hisoka," I said finally after three tries. Shock had overcome my entire body. Muraki was dead. My hands shook as I balled them into fists. Muraki was dead. When did it become so cold? Wasn't it summer? Muraki was dead.

"Are you all right, Tsuzuki?" he asked me. As he spoke, his lips moved slower than his voice. I looked to the gun in his hand, still smoking from the single bullet it had shot. Hisoka's eyes were locked onto me, the bright unearthly green uncertain. He was still waiting for a response. I couldn't give him one. Was I all right? No. That was the one thing I was certain of. I was not all right.

Taking a deep breath in, I exhaled quickly trying to calm myself. Watching Muraki's blood seep into the carpet wasn't helping, nor was the imploring look in Hisoka's eyes. So I turned my back to the both of them, and began to walk out of the room. Hisoka called after me, "I heard you screaming! I thought you were in trouble."

Looking in his eyes made my heart hurt. My voice still quivering, I replied, "He... he... Muraki..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. Ashamed, I suppose- but I'm not quite sure why. Was it the mere fact that Muraki had violated me, or was I ashamed because for a moment I enjoyed it?

The gun dropped to the ground. Hisoka understood. The shocked look on Hisoka's face matched my own. "Tsuzuki..." he moved to touch my cheek, but I stepped out of the way. I didn't want to feel anyone's touch. Ever. Again. I turned my back to him once more. He took a step towards me, "Tsuzuki, I was worried about you. I was afraid that... I'm sorry. It was my idea to split up. I should have... stayed with you."

"It's okay... Hisoka," I said, lying through my shaky breath. "It's not your fault. Is he..." I licked my dry lips and swallowed, "Dead?"

There was a brief silence between the two of us. Hisoka was probably wondering why there was so much sadness in my voice. Why it trembled so as I spoke. Finally he said, "Yes, he is."

Another tear ran down my cheek as I closed my eyes. Why was I so sad? I hated Muraki. I loved Muraki. Hate... love... were they the same thing? Did that mean I hated Hisoka as well? I opened my eyes and stared into Hisoka's eyes. I watched as they searched my face for some sort of insight of what had happened. The innocent look on his face brought more aches to my soul. He had suffered the same fate before his death. He knew the evil touch of Muraki's fingers. How could he ever have seemed so innocent in my eyes? His innocence had been plucked from him from a monster. I finally began to understand the pain he had gone through; the solitude of his suffering. Why was I trembling? Why did this happen? Did the Gods hate me so much?

"Tsuzuki..." he called again.

"Please," I whispered harshly. And as soon as I had said it, I wondered why. Please? Please leave me be? Please hold me? Please stop watching me?

It didn't matter what I wanted. Hisoka understood. His eyes lingering on mine for a moment, he then walked past me. I could hear Hisoka's footsteps echo in the empty room as he walked away. Sensing my feelings through his empathy, he probably understood them better than I. Pain was not one of the best things I convey.

I turned around, watching Hisoka exit the room, an unearthly aura surrounding him. He made no motion to look back. He was leaving me.

But it didn't occur to me to go after him.

It was my destiny to be in pain.

Fin

Notes:
Um. Yes. You can all beat me now.

Disclaimer:
Yami no Matsuei and its characters are owned and copyrighted by Matsushita Youko and Hakusensha. Standard disclaimers apply.