A/N: Whoaaaa... I got a TON of reviews, and it was only one chapter! Sorry, everybody, I won't be able to reply to everybody that would take FOREVER, so I am going to choose a couple of people who asked questions or something like that. Oh, and this chapter I decided to make a chat room thing, and maybe the next chapter will be a talk show or something... I don't know, I'll try to experiment all of the ideas!

Replies to reviewers:

Lil' MIss Critical: 1)Actually, I did that on purpose, Artemis was supposed to make that mistake of sending the questionnaire to Butler for the purposes of this chapter. 2)And "Artemis's" can be spelled that way or as "Artemis'" there are two rules I go by the ''s' one. 3)Of course he CAN drool right? Everybody can, so he can let himself go every once in a while for the purposes of a Humor FanFiction. 4)Says who? They never said so in the books! 5)Of course, he could do other things, besides, he implied he might give a little break from such things at the end of the second book 6)Oh really? Well, Lil' MIss Critical, I think you are too opinionated. 7)Excuse me? You are supposed to insult ME in a flame, not my reviewers. And I say everybody is entitled to their preferences, my story for instance.

Thundermage: Well, of course they were answers you wouldn't have thought of! I try to be original. Thanx for the review!

Amrun: A very good question! I'm glad you asked that. Actually, Artemis spelled it that way on purpose, so it would rhyme with 'devious' and 'thievious'.

mysterious-angel: That is the question that we all are wondering about...

ChocolateEclar: uhh... you just sent me three of the exact same reviews! How did you do that? From what I know you can only send one signed review to each chapter.

Annoying, Hilarious, and Down Right Weird E-mails

Chapter 2: The Chat Room

Artemis swaggered into his bedroom, having just accomplished a very difficult task. The task of getting funny and embarrassing pictures of Butler. He had gotten bored with the ice cream one, and this one was so much funnier. He booted up the computer and hooked the camera up to the computer. He loaded the picture onto the hard drive and set it up as a wallpaper. Violá, a beautiful picture of Butler in a bunny suit. Artemis chuckled, that had been a difficult one to get. It was hard to find something to blackmail Butler about that could drive him to that extent.

Artemis double clicked the internet icon and typed in his 30 character password. (A/N: my friend really does have a thirty letter long password you know) Once he was on a little window appeared on his screen:

You are invited to Chat Room #2349649578692746377273

From: firstfemalelepofficer

Artemis pressed the 'Join' button.

**firstfemalelepofficer has entered chat**

**devious_thievious_Artemus has entered chat**

**i_am_smarter_than_you has entered chat**

**beetroot has entered chat**

firstfemalelepofficer: Hi, guys!

i_am_smarter_than_you: Hello, everybody!

devious_thievious_Artemus: ciao

beetroot: oh great! It's the Mud Boy!

devious_thievious_Artemus: Yes, it is I, the Mud Boy! Muahahahaha!

i_am_smarter_than_you: You call that an evil laugh? I can top that!

devious_thievious_Artemus: Oh really?

i_am_smarter_than_you: Yeah really!

devious_thievious_Artemus: Muahahahahahahahaha!

i_am_smarter_than_you: Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

devious_thievious_Artemus: !

i_am_smarter_than_you: !

firstfemalelepofficer: guys! stop it!

devious_thievious_Artemus: No

devious_thievious_Artemus: AHAHAHAHAHA! !

i_am_smarter_than_you: whoa, he's good...

**the_big_guy_with_no_first_name has entered chat**

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: What you just did wasn't funny Artemis

devious_thievious_Artemus: Yes it was

devious_thievious_Artemus: and you know I'm always right

firstfemalelepofficer: what did Arty do?

i_am_smarter_than_you: Yeah! What did he do? What did he do?

devious_thievious_Artemus: hehehehehe...

beetroot: Alright, Mud Boy, spill it

devious_thievious_Artemus: hmmmm... what will you give for it?

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Nooo! Don't tell them! I won't allow it!

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: And that is AN ORDER! As the adult I refuse you the privilege of telling them about that picture!

i_am_smarter_than_you: Ooooohhh... It must be REALLY good if Butler reacts that way...

firstfemalelepofficer: Yeah...

beetroot: Mud Boy! Tell us!

devious_thievious_Artemus: Sorry guys, Butler gave me an order, I can't tell you...

firstfemalelepofficer: shoot...

i_am_smarter_than_you: wait a sec, Butler has power over YOU?

devious_thievious_Artemus: no, actually, he doesn't, but I will be curtious and won't tell you about the embarrassing picture I took of him

firstfemalelepofficer: Oooh! it was embarrassing?

i_am_smarter_than_you: Can't you tell us? Please?

beetroot: C'mon! Tell us!

devious_thievious_Artemus: no, I won't tell you...

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Thank you Artemis

devious_thievious_Artemus: Instead, all of you can see for yourselves.

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: 0_0 NOOOOOOOO!

Artemis clicked on the e-mail icon and copied a picture of Butler in a pink bunny suit into the box and sent it to Holly, Foaly, and Commander Root.

firstfemalelepofficer: BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i_am_smarter_than_you: NIIIIEEEEEEGH! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

beetroot: GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: NOOOOOOOOO!

devious_thievious_Artemus: *laughs evilly*

beetroot: Hehehehehe... you know, the Mud Boy really is useful for something

i_am_smarter_than_you: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! *desperate gasp for air* Help me! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't breathe! *gasp* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! can't... stop... laughing! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

firstfemalelepofficer: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I am definitely keeping this!

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Nooooo! get rid of it! burn it!

beetroot: no way, Mud Man, this is going amongst my favorites

devious_thievious_Artemus: Oh yes! this is such payback for Butler nailing me about the dragon tattoo!

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: You deserved it! You KNOW that you aren't allowed to have tattoos!

devious_thievious_Artemus: :p

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: besides, you are the one who sent me that questionnaire with that information on it!

devious_thievious_Artemus: oh yeah... oopsie...

i_am_smarter_than_you: *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* That was REALLY funny... hehehehehe... you know what, I'm going to send that picture to the news channel, so they can do a little documentary on the Fowls and what they do in their free time! Then everybody can see the picture!

devious_thievious_Artemus: Yes! do that!

firstfemalelepofficer: I'll have to tape that. hehehehe...

beetroot: the news is not for documentaries on Artemis Fowl and his bodyguard's weird habits, the news is for NEWS

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Wait! Artemis blackmailed me into wearing it!

firstfemalelepofficer: you are such a party pooper Commander, and I bet the news channel people will LOVE to have new information on the Fowls

i_am_smarter_than_you: really? Artemis blackmailed his own bodyguard? The news channel will have a ball with this story!

devious_thievious_Artemus: yes, I did blackmail Butler actually

i_am_smarter_than_you: what about? What did you blackmail him with?

devious_thievious_Artemus: *evil grin*

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: NOOO! Don't tell them!

devious_thievious_Artemus: well in that case... I told him if he didn't wear the bunny suit then I would tell daddy about that little joy ride he took through the Dublin Super Mall last summer...

i_am_smarter_than_you: He drove through a mall?

devious_thievious_Artemus: yep, with the Bentley too, he rode right through the mall, he caused havoc in the Staples, he crashed through the women's changing room in the Macy's, he nocked over bookcases in the Barnes and Nobles, he completely destroyed the Yankee's Candle store, he let all the animals free from the pet store...

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Nooo! don't tell them anymore!

devious_thievious_Artemus: and he caused all this chaos because he was trying to run down a guy who had tried to hit up on Juliet in the parking lot.

i_am_smarter_than_you: hahahaha! Did he finally run the guy over?

devious_thievious_Artemus: no, the guy jumped into a dumster, Butler crashed the car into a brick wall and started attacking the man in the dumster, unfortunetly it was the dumster that was used by a baby day care center and he smelled like dirty dipers for weeks.

firstfemalelepofficer: lol

i_am_smarter_than_you: Bwahahahahaha!

firstfemalelepofficer: didn't Butler get caught and sent off to jail?

devious_thievious_Artemus: me and Butler are experts at covering our tracks, no evidence that could like Butler to that incident was erased thanks to me and my expertise with computers, I did, of course, get a movie of it for myself to use as a blackmailing subject

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Artemis somehow got everything blamed on that pervert who tried to touch Juliet in ways I didn't approve

devious_thievious_Artemus: Juliet was mad at you though, because she apparently liked that guy

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: she was mad?

devious_thievious_Artemus: uh huh

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: oh... well, she knows I don't allow her to date men like that

devious_thievious_Artemus: yes, but she resents it, she told me herself

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Oh really? When? I was under the impression she wasn't talking to you anymore ever since you embarrassed her by telling her newest boyfriend that I sing Beetle songs in the shower

devious_thievious_Artemus: Well he wanted to know what the terrible noise was coming from one of the upstairs bathrooms, so I just told him

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: am I really that bad a singer?

i_am_smarter_than_you: I didn't know Butler knew how to sing

devious_thievious_Artemus: oh yeah, I forgot you were here

i_am_smarter_than_you: I was just sending that picture and the blackmailing information about Butler to the 12 o'clock news, everybody watches that, by Midnight tommarow everybody will no that Butler wears pink bunny suits and sings Beetles songs. hehehehe

firstfemalelepofficer: and I was setting up my TV so it would tape the news show

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: NOOOO! Please! Not that!

devious_thievious_Artemus: Yes! this is turning out even better than I thought it would!

firstfemalelepofficer: I'll send you a copy of the news show, Arty

i_am_smarter_than_you: hey, where did Julius go?

firstfemalelepofficer: he is probably having trouble with the TV his isn't very good with electronics

devious_thievious_Artemus: no actually... *mischievious grin*

i_am_smarter_than_you: okay, what did you do this time, Mud Boy?

devious_thievious_Artemus: *innocent look* what's this? Are you accusing me of something?

firstfemalelepofficer: yes we are, what did you do?

devious_thievious_Artemus: I didn't do anything... except press a few keys on my keyboard...

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Artemis...

devious_thievious_Artemus: Okay! Okay! I sent a little virus to Root's computer... it will make it so that no matter what you do a picture of Bulter in a bunny suit will always appear...

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: Artemis!

i_am_smarter_than_you: You were the one who sent that first virus weren't you?

devious_thievious_Artemus: What virus?

firstfemalelepofficer: you are really bad at playing dumb Arty

devious_thievious_Artemus: *sigh* it looks like I've been found out... yeah I sent that virus...

devious_thievious_Artemus: Hey! STOP CALLING ME ARTY!

firstfemalelepofficer: No

devious_thievious_Artemus: :0

firstfemalelepofficer: hehehe

i_am_smarter_than_you: uh oh, Julius is calling for me, you blamed it all on me you dirty Mud Boy? :0

devious_thievious_Artemus: yep

i_am_smarter_than_you: ARRRGH! You just wait, once I sort it all out with Julius I'll get you!

devious_thievious_Artemus: oh yeah? well BRING IT ON!

i_am_smarter_than_you: :p

**i_am_smarter_than_you has left chat**

firstfemalelepofficer: you better watch out Arty, Foaly gets really creative with his revenges

devious_thievious_Artemus: well, I am The All Powerfull Immortal God Artemis! He can't get me!

firstfemalelepofficer: you mean the Greek one? That's a girl!

devious_thievious_Artemus: No! I am not the Greek god! Did I say Greek?

the_big_guy_with_no_first_name: I gotta go, have to monitor Juliet and her boyfriend on the survielience cameras to make sure he doesn't try anything

**the_big_guy_with_no_first_name has left chat**

firstfemalelepofficer: does he always do that?

devious_thievious_Artemus: yep, that's Butler for ya

firstfemalelepofficer: I can imagine how poor Juliet feels

devious_thievious_Artemus: yah, so can I, since she takes out all her anger on ME

firstfemalelepofficer: really?

devious_thievious_Artemus: uh huh, whenever she gets frusterated with something she hunts me down and starts using me as a practice target for pro wrestling moves

firstfemalelepofficer: ouch

devious_thievious_Artemus: yah, ouch most definitely, she broke a couple of my ribs a while ago with her pile driver

firstfemalelepofficer: freaky

devious_thievious_Artemus: feaky what?

firstfemalelepofficer: we are all alone

devious_thievious_Artemus: so?

firstfemalelepofficer: nevermind, gotta go Arty!

devious_thievious_Artemus: stop calling me Arty!

**firstfemalelepofficer has left chat**

devious_thievious_Artemus: oh no, now I am all by myself

deviousJ_thievious_Artemus: all alone...

devious_thievious_Artemus: why do I have to be the last one to leave the chat?

**devious_thievious_Artemus has left chat**

Artemis signed off and turned off his computer, not knowing that he actually wasn't the last one to leave the chat.

beetroot: Hello?

beetroot: Hello? Anybody there?

beetroot: Hey, Foaly got rid of the virus, everybody.

beetroot: Hello?

beetroot: Anybody?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Hehehehe... Next chapter is Foaly's revenge! Muahahahahahaha! Don't forget to review!