|Zims Doomy Diet of DOOM
Author: thirty2flavors PM
-FINISHED- Zim sees a Jenny Craig commercial, and decides that the only way to control humans is via a diet plan. First IZ fic. R/R.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 12,204 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 6 - Updated: 04-09-03 - Published: 03-11-03 - id: 1266111
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Tak blinked, coughed once, and then narrowed an eye at Zim. Was that it? She snorted – quite a feat for some one with no nose.
"That was horrible, Zim," she droned sarcastically, eyes narrowed, "I'm in terrible pain and I.."
She trailed off, coughing again, only more violently this time. The glare fell from her face and was replaced with a look of slight concern, as she clutched her would-be stomach. Zim smirked.
"Intestines…burning…" she gasped between breaths, to no one in particular, before coughing wildly again.
The formula – which had been devised for human consumption – had unknown affects on an Irken. Apparently, they were rather derogatory, as Tak was stumbling backwards, clutching her stomach and coughing. This amused Zim, who pointed a sharp digit at her and laughed.
Write in pain at the might of Zim! I laugh at your pain! Watch me!" Here, he
burst into an evil cackle.
Tak narrowed her eyes, in too much obscure pain to say anything, and lashed her hands out. Grabbing hold of the nearly-empty spray bottle of antidote, she pointed it at Zim's laughing figure and sprayed. Much the same as had happened to Tak, Zim coughed and automatically swallowed the substance.
"AHAHAA… IT BURRRRNS! MY SQUEEDLY SPOOCH BUUUURNS!" Zim cried, flailing around the room in sheer panic. Tak would have grinned, had she not been coughing violently. So, the two flailed around, screaming one thing or another, squeedly spooches in immense pain.
That was about the time a high pitched squeal came from somewhere in the house as Gir rocketed into view. He cheerfully greeted big head boy and scary lady with a wave, eyes turning into thin triangles due to his inexplicable euphoria. It was then the robot noticed that his master and another lady, strangely familiar, were coughing and screaming. Gir grinned widely and launched himself at Zim, who at the time just so happened to be facing Tak.
"KISSY KISSY!" He screeched, clinging to the back of his master's head.
Zim's balance was temporarily thrown off by the sudden weight propelled into the back of his head, and lurched forward face-first into Tak. She flailed as suddenly her rival's face was pressed into hers, and in the process lost her balance. In one big ball of stuff, the three tumbled comically across the floor – and into a wall. There was a sickening thud, which made Dib wince and Gaz raise an eyebrow. Gir seemed utterly unaffected, and rather as if he had enjoyed it. He jumped up cheerfully.
"I wanna do it agaaaain!" He quipped, eyes returning to triangular state, "awww, master and his girlfriend are sleeping."
While they weren't sleeping, and they certainly weren't love interests, Tak and Zim were, in fact, huddled motionlessly on the ground. For a brief second Dib's overactive imagination thought they were dead, but upon taking a step closer he noticed they were merely knocked out. He snickered at the heap they were in. Oh, how amusing it would be to see Tak's face when she regained consciousness and found her mortal nemesis draped over her.
Dib was jolted backwards as Zim's tiny little robot suddenly wrapped his arms around his middle.
"Hi, Big Head Boy!" Gir greeted again.
Dib blinked and awkwardly patted the robot.
"Er… hello Gir."
Gaz, who had been silent for a long time, finally spoke up.
"Hey, you, crazy robot thing," she said, eyebrow quirked, "Where's Zim keep his slinkies?"
Gir clapped his hands playfully, then strode over and took Gaz's hand.
"Master got a lot of slinkies," Gir explained, leading Gaz somewhere, "they's Piggy's friends!"
From out of nowhere, Gir pulled out Piggy and shoved him in Gaz's face. Dib watched as his sister raised an eyebrow and shoved the pig from her face. Gir was still talking animatedly, droning on about something Dib was sure his sister didn't care about. A small smile formed on Dib's face. For such a work-devoted race, the Irkens certainly created the strangest robots.
He returned his attention to the heaped over aliens. It would be so easy, he thought, so easy to just take them both, right now, back home, show Dad, become famous… so easy. And yet he couldn't, he realized with a sigh. Just couldn't. Somehow, it just wouldn't be right to put an end to it. Not this way. Not when they were so defenseless. He could only visualize one ending, anyway. He would leave with Gaz and her slinkies, go home, they would wake up, elude his grasp once more, and he would have nothing to show for it but the knowledge that he saved the world yet again and that no one knew or cared. It wasn't a great reality, but it was the only one, and he dealt with what he got. And so, when Gaz came back from wherever Gir had taken her with a huge box and announced "I'm going, now, Dib," he simply followed.
a decision he knew he'd regret. He knew that, next week, next month, maybe even
next year, when he was fed up with skool, with his
family, with the constant struggles with Zim, he'd wish he hadn't done it. He'd
he hadn't shown mercy and let them go this one time. And yet even though he
knew he'd regret it later on, for now it contented him just fine. He'd saved
Earth again, could anticipate more exciting adventures in the near future, his
sister wasn't mad at him, and he'd just silently proved he had a heart, despite
the fact no one else realized it. Life
was good, he decided, even if just
for a moment.
A/N: Yay! It's over! o_o I may rewrite, should everyone hate it, but for now, consider it finished. I had so many ideas floating around but it was hard to get them down on.. er.. paper. I enjoyed writing this, and I'll probably write more in the future, should I get ideas. Especially if I get lost of pretty reviews. Heeeee. R/R!
Cheryl: Whee! Thank you SO much for reviewing almost every chapter! XD For a long time you were the only one, and it was motivation enough to know at least one person was reading it. Thank you! Hope you liked the ending.
Invader Squee: XD I doubt it exists, but hey! Maybe it'll put you through to Physcic Cleo..?
Kame: Well, I hope you checked back, then. =D
Spaz: OKAY! Speaking of which, update your fic. NOW.
Lireal: XD Thanks.
MajorBrandon: *bow* I feel special.
Tak: XDDDD WHOO! I
briefly considered that some one on the plan might be offended...then I decided
I didn't care. X)
Mitochondriac: YAY! I feel special! I think. XD I'm glad they're in character, er.. relatively, as you put it. I struggled some times with the characterizations, so I apologize if they're not always accurate. Glad you liked Dib and Tak's little rant. X) As far as spelling goes – whoops! Most of it is probably stupid typos. I know I messed up "to/too/twos" a LOT, and that annoys me so much. I hate when people misuse homonyms, and then I go and do it myself. I was just too lazy to edit it and reupload because of it. And about fiercened not being a word… again, whoops. XD Hope you like the ending as much as you liked the rest of it.