Weakness

By Ju

The Go institute was oddly quiet at night, Ogata mused. He was sitting on a sofa in the lobby area, an uncomfortable lump of a thing that was threatening to give him back pains despite the fact that he'd only been sitting on it for five minutes. He sighed, feeling cranky and impatient, and his fingers reached automatically for a cigarette. The building had a smoke-free policy, though, as a sign on the wall cheerfully informed him, and Ogata cursed and replaced the cigarette in the pack.

Several more minutes passed in absolute silence and stillness, and Ogata glanced around at the rather drab room, taking in the less-than-impressive brown colour theme and droopy pot plants. It really was oddly quiet.

...Fuck it. He pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and was taking that first blissful drag of lung-damaging smoke in a matter of seconds. And this was how he was to be found when Ashiwara and Saeki strolled out of the elevator moments later.

"Ogata-sensei!" Saeki's eyes widened with a shock that was somewhat akin to awe, and he stopped dead in his tracks. Ashiwara, however, merely continued to chatter away merrily as he moved towards the blond man.

"…so we had a blast at the karaoke club. You should come with us next time, Saeki-kun!" he exclaimed brightly, seemingly unaware of the silence of his companion and the almost palpable irritation of the man he was now standing before.

Ashiwara blinked innocently down at where Ogata was sitting, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips, grey eyes flashing behind his glasses. Blinking some more, with an expression of confusion beginning to cross his face, Ashiwara asked, "Ogata-san? Is something wrong?"

But Ogata didn't respond, and simply stood up and brushed past the younger man. Staring at Ogata's back with no little bewilderment, Ashiwara quickly hurried after the other man, whose longer legs were making it difficult for him to catch up. As he passed a still in-shock Saeki, he whispered, "I'll see you later, okay, Saeki-kun? Bye!"

When Ashiwara finally caught up with the blond man at the entrance to the underground carpark, he grabbed Ogata's arm and forcibly stopped him mid-stride.

"Seiji–" he began, but was immediately cut off.

"I had to wait for twenty minutes," Ogata snapped, more pissed off than he could remember being for quite a while. "The next time you want to play around with that boy, don't ask me to wait for you."

But he was forced to turn away when he saw the look of hurt on Ashiwara's face, which made him even angrier. He hated showing weakness, and he hated that his weakness was Ashiwara. Pulling his arm away, Ogata stalked over to the car, which was by now the only one left in the parking lot. He shoved his key roughly into the lock, the haze of red in his vision almost causing him to scratch his most beloved – and expensive – possession. Ogata barely noticed, though, just as he barely noticed when the younger man slid in beside him. It was only much later that he realised he'd reached over and unlocked the door for Ashiwara himself, instinctively and despite his anger.

Now, though, he sat with his hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel, his jaw equally clenched, and the tension in the car was enough to make Ashiwara murmur, "I'm sorry, Seiji," without really knowing why he was apologising.

To most people, Ogata Seiji was a calm, almost cold person who was somebody to be reckoned with, whatever the situation. However, Ashiwara knew differently – he was fully aware of how patient and gentle the older man could be, and so he was more than a little confused about the treatment he was receiving at the moment. "I don't understand why you're so angry with me, but I'm sorry."

Silence fell. When Ogata finally relaxed his jaw enough that it would actually be possible for him to talk, he glanced over at his companion, who was staring miserably down at his fidgeting hands. Tracing the familiar profile with his eyes, Ogata's irritation surged once more when he remembered the way Ashiwara had been laughing and joking with that other boy as they'd stepped out of the elevator. Something in his chest tightened, and he lifted a hand almost absent-mindedly to rub at the ache.

Ashiwara noticed the small gesture immediately, and his brown eyes widened as he demanded, "Is something wrong? Is it your heart?"

He knew that Ogata was probably too young to have heart problems, but the memory of Touya Meijin's shocking collapse was still fresh in his mind.

"No, it's not that," Ogata waved away the other man's concern irritably. "I'm fine."

"Are you?" Ashiwara challenged softly, and this time they both knew that he was referring to something else altogether.

But Ogata chose to ignore the question, and seemed to change the subject abruptly by asking, "Who was that boy you were with?"

Ashiwara blinked at him, once again confused, and Ogata found himself thinking that it really was quite strange for a man to have such long eyelashes, and to look so young and sweet at the mature age of twenty-two.

"Do you mean Saeki-kun?"

"Yes, I mean Saeki-kun," Ogata replied testily. "You looked rather… friendly with him."

"That's because he is a friend," Ashiwara pointed out, still clueless. "At least, I consider him as a friend. We were Insei together, a few years ago. And he's a member of Morishita-sensei's study group," he added helpfully, as if that would somehow appease the other man.

Several moments passed, and when Ogata still didn't say anything, Ashiwara placed a gentle hand over one of those clutching the steering wheel, and he entreated, "Can we go home now, Seiji? I'm feeling rather tired from today's game…"

Without a word, Ogata turned the key and the powerful engine rumbled to life. They drove through the still brightly-lit streets of Tokyo, silent except for the piano sonata playing quietly from the stereo. When they arrived at their destination, a discreetly stylish apartment building in the more expensive part of town, Ogata guided the car down to the carpark, then switched off the engine. However, instead of removing the key and getting out of the vehicle, he sat with his arms outstretched before him, his hands still gripping the steering wheel. Ashiwara merely sat beside him, and waited.

His patience was finally rewarded when Ogata closed his eyes and whispered, "You're my weakness. Did you know that? When I'm with you, I don't – can't – think of anything else. And when I'm not with you, I find myself wishing that I were. And when I see you with somebody else, talking and laughing with somebody else, choosing to be with somebody else and forgetting about me, I…"

There was an unfamiliar prickling at the back of Ashiwara's eyes, and he had to blink rapidly to prevent the tears from spilling out. "Seiji, I didn't forget about you. I could never forget about you. We were just discussing the game and we lost of track of time, that's all."

He reached over to embrace the older man, but discovered that the seatbelt hampered his movements. Cursing softly, Ashiwara wrestled with the buckle, before he finally triumphed and was able to hug Ogata as much as he wished. But upon glancing up, he was distracted by the small smile tugging at the corners of the blond man's lips, and he asked, "What?"

Ogata, who had freed himself from his seatbelt with much less difficulty, simply shook his head and allowed a full smile to come to his face. "Nothing. It's just that I've never heard you say 'fuck' before. Or heard a seatbelt be described in such colourful terms."

Then Ogata grabbed the younger man's shirt with both hands, pulled him forward, and thoroughly ravaged his mouth, tasting the mint of Ashiwara's chewing gum combined with a sweetness that was Ashiwara himself. Long, heated moments later, their lips parted, but only enough for Ogata to murmur, "I didn't know you had such a dirty mouth on you."

Ashiwara pouted, which caused his so-called 'dirty mouth' to brush against the other man's again. "Well, you're the one who's kissing it."

But Ogata merely smirked, and with another soft kiss on those enticingly swollen lips, he suggested, "Let's go up. I think I can find better uses for your mouth…"

:: Owari ::