Rory rested her flushed cheek against the cool white porcelain. *Oh please God, this can’t be real. Just let me close my eyes and when I open them I’ll be lying in my bed, not here on the bathroom floor, throwing up everything I have ever eaten...IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.* She closed her eyes and held them closed tightly for a few seconds then slowly opened them, hopefully looking around.

Sighing, she resigned herself to the fact that she was still sitting on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. She took a minute to gather her strength and lifted herself up off the floor and went to the sink to brush her teeth.

“Ror? You alive in there?” Her mom called, tapping on the bathroom door.

“Yeah mom. Just not feeling all that great this morning.”

“Are your running a fever?”

“No. I think it may be a touch of the stomach flu. I heard it‘s going around again.” Rory replied cautiously while leaning against the sink for support.

“What you need, my dear, is coffee! And I know just the man to hook you up.” Lorelei called playfully through the bathroom door. “Ah, coffee...natures cure all...better for your woes than Dr. Hockenbacher's 100% Snake Oil Elixir. Guaranteed to but a snap in your step and a...” she trailed off laughing at herself while moving away from the door.

Lifting her head up from where it had been resting on the edge of the sink, Rory looked into the mirror at her pasty complexion, and whispered wistfully, “I don’t think it’s going to cure this.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go home and lie down” Lorelei asked again as she opened the door to Luke’s. “You’re not looking so hot.”

“Thanks mom. I’ll be fine, besides I need to talk to Lane about something.”

“Ok. Why don’t you run on over there and I will order us some breakfast. The regular?”

“Uhmm. Why don’t you just order me some toast and coffee for now. I’ll be back in a few.”

“Ok?” Lorelei mused, looking at her daughters retreating back with a crinkled brow.

“What?” Lorelei jumped, turning to see Luke standing inches from her. “Why are you staring at Rory like that? Did she grow another head that only you can see?” Luke deadpanned, looking at her expectantly.

“No...she’s said she’s not feeling well.”

“Oh, ok? That still doesn’t explain the look.”

“It’s nothing. Something’s not right though”

“Well, you just said that she doesn’t feel good, so there you go. She’s got the flu or something.” Luke said, already moving away to top off coffee cups with the pot that he was holding.

“If you say so.” Lorelei whispered, watching her daughter move farther and farther away.

“Hi Mrs. Kim. Is Lane here?” Rory asked her best friends rather intimidating mother. Mrs. Kim had a dust cloth in her hand and was busy wiping down an equally intimidating piece of antique furniture.

“She’s upstairs studying her bible.” Mrs. Kim replied in the curt manner that was her normal conversational voice. “She has big day tomorrow. She’s going to make big presentation to Bible Study Class. She’s very excited.”

“That’s right. I remember her telling me about that.” Rory pulled out of nowhere, never having heard about said presentation. “Would be ok if I went up and talked her for a few minutes?”

Mrs. Kim stared at her, eyes narrowing, and Rory was sure that she was getting ready to deny her request. Rory beat her to the punch, rushing out, “I think I left my Biology notebook in her room yesterday and I really need it to study for a test I have on Monday.” Rory tried not to look away from Mrs. Kim’s non-wavering gaze, feeling a little guilty for the lie.

“In that case, you may go. But not for long. Lane has to study.” She finally conceded

Rory stood in front of the white door trying to work up the courage to knock. Lane’s door. A door that she had passed through more times than she could count. How many hours had they wiled away in the room beyond this door? Talking about their hopes and dreams; music that moved them, movies they loved and of course boys. Boys they liked, boys they hated and boys that just made them sigh. As far back as she could remember they had shared everything. When Dean kissed her in Taylor’s store, this door is where her feet brought her. When he broke up with her for the first time she knocked on this same door with tears in her eyes. That being the case why was this so hard for her to move her arms. They felt numb and heavy hanging down at her sides. If she could just knock Lane would open her door and then she wouldn’t be all alone anymore. She could unburden herself on her best friend and then just maybe she wouldn’t be so afraid. Of course that would mean telling Lane the truth and the truth was undeniably scary. Telling Lane would make it real, wouldn’t it? And maybe she just wasn’t ready for it to be real yet.

Rory dropped her shoulders into a slump with her newly made decision to walk away and turned from the door.

“Rory? What are you doing?”

Rory glanced up to see Lane framed in her doorway, looking at her with like she had just lost her mind, and maybe she had.

“My rooms this way, remember?” Lane laughed then stopped abruptly as she got a good look at Rory. *There’s no going back now Gilmore.*

Lane looked on from her desk as Rory settled herself onto bed. Picking up a pillow and fidgeting with it, tugging at it’s corners, avoiding her gaze. “Ok Ror. You’re freaking me out. What is going on with you? You look like an extra from “The Night of The Living Dead”. Did you fail a test or something?

Rory shook her head no, still looking down at the pillow on her lap, tracing the heart design with her finger.

“Well then, are Mutt and Jeff giving you a hard time?“ Lane asked, using her new names for Dean and Jess. They really were a Mutt and Jeff pair. With Dean’s tall boy next door-ness and Jess swarthy bad boy look. “I thought they had backed off a little the last few weeks?”

“Yeah, they have.” Rory whispered as she brought her knees up to her chest, trapping the pillow while hugging her knees.

“Then what’s the 411 here Ror? You’re shaking like a leaf. And to be perfectly honest you’re scaring the shit out of me.”

“I’m in so much trouble Lane.” Rory confessed as her face crumbled. The tears she had been holding in all morning came rushing up all at once, as if they were afraid she was going to erect that dam again and they would never get their chance to escape. Her thin shoulders shook with the force of them; her hands gripping onto that frilly heart adorned pillow like it was a lifeline. Maybe it was. Maybe it was the only thing keeping her in this place that she was not ready to give up. Childhood.

Lane moved across the room and settled herself beside her best friend and wrapped her arms around her shuddering frame. Murmuring those ancient nonsense sounds of comfort, she rocked Rory back and forth until she felt her relax against her to the point of merely trembling.

“I don’t even know where to start.” Rory whispered as she reached across Lane to grab the box of tissue sitting on the small nightstand next to the bed. Wiping her face off with the tissue, she took a minute to compose herself before she looked back up at her friend. “I did something I promised myself I would never do, and I don’t even know why I did it, but I did and now I think that I may have gotten caught. That’s not right. Not caught, but...yeah I guess caught.”

Taking in Lane’s confused face, Rory took and began.

“It all started this summer while I was in Washington with Paris...”